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Lawtan 11-08-2013 10:20 PM

? Cat?
(Writing up Kadia ~ 1500 words)

Espy 11-08-2013 10:27 PM

So um...1500 words is three times as long as Salone's intro for Lev. And while lots of detail is cool and all, posts that long really deter me from reading all the way though.

I mean, it might be just me.

But I've written essays that long.

Lawtan 11-08-2013 10:35 PM

I'll put in a "read here for the shorter bit" marker.

Gallagher 11-08-2013 10:38 PM

I'm cool with long posts like that as long as they don't drag and don't break any rp etiquette.

Lawtan 11-08-2013 11:13 PM

Kadia's intro - free to critique

Arikana 11-08-2013 11:21 PM

I'm still alive, I think. o3o Anyways, I should have more time by Monday night and should be able to start posting more again.

Gallagher 11-09-2013 12:10 AM

-waves at Ari-

So I'm going to be the ass that actually takes the invitation to critique. Bear with me, I am commenting as I read through, and if you feel any of my points are unfair or do not apply, I would be happy to hear what you have to say about it.


Suzerain of Sheol 11-09-2013 12:14 AM

I agree with all those, and also my previous comment still apply.

Especially the paragraph formatting, I beg of you.

Quiet Man Cometh 11-09-2013 12:57 AM

You can definitely get away with less information, Lawtan. We already know what equipment she is carrying so it's no really necessary to explain it all in the roleplay. In a novel, sure, but this isn't that.

What Galla is referring to about having another character do something in your post is often referred to as "god modding," or taking control of another player's character. This is nearly always considered a bad thing in role play, and is rude. It's fine if you would like to work something out, story-wise, with a player *before* you post, but make sure that if you would like something to happen with a particular character and yours, that you run it by the player first.



(Restart the Cat RP from the shop or go with something different?)

Gallagher 11-09-2013 01:06 AM

Right, if you just ask for an answer to a passing question or some nonsense in this thread, it's cool to have the other character answering that way in your post instead of waiting around. Or just a quick "How would ___ react to ______" or "Would ___ go after ___?"

Espy 11-09-2013 01:51 AM

(I don't know. That intro scene is still interesting.)

Gallagher 11-09-2013 01:56 AM

Oh yes, it is interesting. But that doesn't mean it doesn't need work.

Espy 11-09-2013 01:59 AM

No, I meant Quiet's.

And yeah, I'm personally fine with what Law did with Dante, but it still...-twitchy-

Suzerain of Sheol 11-09-2013 02:02 AM

I feel should probably make it clear: we are not in any way fighting the intelligence controlling these creatures.


Otherwise known as Aariel-Saklas-Ialdabaoth-Dikaios-Kronos-Sammael, Father of the Archons, False Aeon of the Sun, Lord of the Decadence of Matter and Time, the Demiurge, the God of this World. :X

Espy 11-09-2013 02:03 AM

So uh, really, what'll happen if Dante runs straight into the Chapel?

Suzerain of Sheol 11-09-2013 02:04 AM

Aren't you just dying to find out? :D

Gallagher 11-09-2013 02:06 AM

Oh right, that Cat thing, lmao, my bad.

OI! Suze! That's not the weird funny name you told me!

Lawtan 11-09-2013 02:19 AM

On Dante's thing - I was actually referring to when Espy said he thought he heard something, but thought nothing of it.
I will edit the weapons stuff out a good bit. Also, missed getting rid of the adamantium thing, sorry (did nit have the time I wanted to revise it.
Umm...don't know what to do about the sneak up bit. She had a very unstable piece of epic-level tech that made her virtually undetectable for a short while. I need to write it better, but in part her knowledge of it failing on her also spurs her leap into the fray. She doesn't save the group - she joins them in the heat of battle. I do not know how yhis would ctoss a line.*shrugs*
I am trying to make her knowledgeable yet naive - a lack of experience on the human aspect of the world, yet awareness of the ways demons work.
And she curses in German. Verdammt!
Maybe I should just rewrite the thing and follow Quiet's lead.

Espy 11-09-2013 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suzerain of Sheol (Post 1597035)
Aren't you just dying to find out? :D

Ha ha ha, very funny.

No but, like, if it's the mastermind behind all the shit, I don't want to drag him into that because people /will actually die/ and we can't do that this early on.

Also maybe because I might start making efforts to show that Dante no longer just cares about saving his own skin.

Suzerain of Sheol 11-09-2013 02:23 AM

I can promise you no one will die if you go in the chapel. Is this sufficient? :P

On the other hand, it's not necessarily tactically sound either. ΘxΘ

Lawtan 11-09-2013 02:27 AM

Oh and, paragraphs? I was writing this on my phone...
And where can I find out more about the demonic forces beyond the info link?

Gallagher 11-09-2013 02:28 AM

That is a great kind of detail to follow in on, but all the same, make sure you okay it with the other party before you insert it, especially when working with things that have already happened.

She would have had to have been undetectable for hours, not just a few minutes.

I wasn't referring to something she did, but the direction she looked to be heading by figuring out the hive mind and intending to find the center herself, either through waiting or fighting.

And, ohhh, the cursing makes sense then. Sorry, I am bad with funny words, I can't identify languages worth a crap.

Lawtan 11-09-2013 02:31 AM

*Hopes to eventually get halfway decent at writing eventually*

Gallagher 11-09-2013 02:33 AM

Personally, I am just pleased to see you have interesting ideas to work with. The rest will come with time and practice, but some things can't be taught, and it already looks like you have a good few of them.

Suzerain of Sheol 11-09-2013 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lawtan (Post 1597063)
And where can I find out more about the demonic forces beyond the info link?

You pretty much have to ask me, or school yourself in classical demonology and then ask me if specific things apply here.

But, in short, "demons" here are not the denizens of Hell (Hell is peopled by the fallen angels of the first and second revolts in Heaven led by Satan and Semyaza respectively).

Demons exist outside of reality in the primordial nothingness into which sprang the Light of Genesis, the "dark materials"* from which God sculpted the universe. They are beings inimical to the laws of physics and essentially abstract and eldritch entities, not strictly personalized or possessing identity or will.

Fallen angels on the other hand, have been cursed by God and denied their Heavenly forms, and have over the millennia been twisted by the essential Hell within their own souls (is a complicated concept found in Paradise Lost) into a near-infinity of abominable shapes.

No two fallen angels are alike, though the most powerful faction among them (led by Beelzebub, Satan's second), self-styled the "Princes of Hell" retain some vestige of their angelic form and lordly mind, and are not *entirely* opposed to humanity in this struggle, though they're hardly on friendly terms either -- they're consumed by their own struggle to maintain control of Hell over the hordes of their corrupted brethren, and to guard the shores of the Abyss to prevent true Demons from assailing the material realms.

(None of that is even touching Abaddon's forces from Sheol, which is an entirely different matter altogether.)

*

Gallagher 11-09-2013 02:51 AM

yeeeah, Suze's universe here is way complex, you're best of directing your questions to him before doing outside research.

-blinks- ... Oh, Suzeboo, it is too late for me to brain those funny words.

Espy 11-09-2013 02:56 AM

Oops, sorry, passed out for a bit. Okay, then I might make him go there. But that'll be tomorrow, and only if no one else has posted anything for him to interact with.

Quiet Man Cometh 11-09-2013 11:57 AM

That passage makes sense now! Hooray!
My biblical lore is somewhat lacking. As is my knowledge of Paradise Lost. And Milton in general...

Quiet Man Cometh 11-09-2013 02:13 PM

Oh, and as a general note, I'm pronouncing Tarja's name with a soft 'j' sound, not a 'y.'

Suzerain of Sheol 11-09-2013 02:40 PM

Oh I forgot to address mages last night:

There's nothing so simple as typical fantasy magic to be found here. For the various powers available, there is:

Psykhosis -- including (but not necessarily limited to) psychokinesis (pyro-, cryo-, electro-, tele-), telepathy, precognition (in the enhanced reaction-time variety, not seeing the future), and biofeedback (psychometabolism, optimizing the functionings of the body by taking direct control of subconscious brain functions)

Theurgy -- Spiritual magic drawing power from the heavenly or hellish planes. Can manipulate reality to produce miracles at the wielder's will. Is powered by the soul of the user, opens a conduit to the higher planes which allows the caster to manipulate the quintessence and overwrite the laws of reality temporarily. It has very little to do with faith or lack thereof, as the existence of celestial powers is an observable fact. About 85% of theurges channel Heaven as it's merely overwhelming, not actively harmful/insanity-inducing, though Hell sorcery can produce rawer, more primal and devastating effects for the same effort and skill.

Necromancy -- Manipulation of the relationship between the soul and body. Can duplicate some of the effects of theurgic healing miracles, but at a terrible cost (to either the user or the recipient) as it deals with the actual *extant* function of the soul in reality, and doesn't supernaturally shape reality to perform its function. Primarily geared toward controlling or destroying the undead, and killing the living, though it has other applications. It takes a horrendous toll on the body of the necromancer and will eventually kill them, though if their soul is powerful enough, it will live on bodiless as an Emim (Emite, singular?)

Arikana 11-09-2013 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gallagher (Post 1596985)
-waves at Ari-


*waves back?*

Well, if you can see me, I'm gonna assume that I'm still alive. Unless if I've become a ghost? o3o

Suzerain of Sheol 11-10-2013 01:14 AM

Espy: Since I promised not to inst-kill Dante, allow me to advise not, um, diving straight through the door if you do have him make a break for the chapel. Uh, caution would... caution be advised. Yes, that's it.

Gallagher 11-10-2013 02:12 AM

I have a thing, before I forget for another two weeks to actually post it. I'm 98% sure that it covers absolutely everything you might need to know and more, unlike my current creep.


Gallagher 11-10-2013 02:20 AM

He won't be joining for like 30 years, but if I don't get it posted, I'll accidentally delete all that mess eventually, so yeah.

Quiet Man Cometh 11-10-2013 03:57 AM

And here I thought we had someone who could put our dismembered body parts back together.

That reminds me, I have a few other things to add to my sheet. I forgot to mention the psychic resistance part. Any objects it makes sense for a non-combat oriented psychic to carry around?

EDIT: Or not. Seems I already had those details in, minus inventory tweaking.

Gallagher 11-10-2013 05:57 AM

Hurhur. You ain't seen no medic till you seen a Galla style medic.

Arikana 11-10-2013 09:10 AM

Hm, interesting character and nice to finally read his bio. :P

Suzerain of Sheol 11-10-2013 01:05 PM

If you're referring to Thomas, you do NOT want to see his brand of "healing". Leave the setting things on fire to him, fixing people up to someone else. He's also an NPC and we do not have a Party Priest Insurance Policy in the event of his, er, timely demise.

Espy 11-10-2013 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suzerain of Sheol (Post 1597315)
Espy: Since I promised not to inst-kill Dante, allow me to advise not, um, diving straight through the door if you do have him make a break for the chapel. Uh, caution would... caution be advised. Yes, that's it.

...Is that doddering old priest going to dismember me?

But okay, yeah. Will probably make him bash through the window first with the pommel of his sword.

Espy 11-10-2013 06:23 PM

Short post is short.


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