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We'll see. -Sighs and curls up.- I want my mom. TwT |
Aww...-huggles an cover with a blanket-
I know you do sweetie. |
-Cuddles against Lan.- I found a bunch of pictures I took over the summer. I have some really nice ones of her. I can see how sick she was. She looked so different in them, compared to ones from two years ago... -Sighs and clings tight.- It's just not fair. |
I know hun, an it'll never be fair but you have to deal an move on.
-clings- You have many good memories of her an that is a good thing. |
-Nuzzles against and sighs.- I know... But we could have had so many BETTER times. So many HAPPIER memories. I messed up so bad for a while. And made such a bad daughter... Even in the end I messed up. I can't forgive myself, as much as I want to, as much as I know she would. I just can't... |
Why do you say would when she more than likely already did. For her there probably were no bad memories but beautiful experiences instead an the face she could love you how she wanted to as well. You cannot blame yourself for something that she would not blame you for either.
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Lan I was so mean to her in her last week. I threatened to never go see her again if she didn't eat. I accused her of faking everything for attention. Faking the confusion, the delirium, the sickness. I hated her for it. And I let her know it. The last words she heard me say when she was conscious were "I'm never coming back". I said it because she said "Uh huh" when I said "I love you". I said it because when my dad asked her who I was, she said "Your daughter". She didn't say "our", she said "your". I was so mad at her Lan. I hated her so much... But I regret it so much now. I wish I had stayed with her... I should have supported her... |
You may have said all that and felt that way but she knows you love her and that you did not mean it all. She forgave you as soon as you spoke any of the words that could be hurtful. She just did not have time to let you know herself.
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But how do you know she forgave me? How do you know she didn't hate me for abandoning her in the time she REALLY needed me? I was so horrible to her Lan... My mom didn't deserve me to be like that. How can I ever forgive my self? How can I live with myself? |
I believe she did for the same reason I feel she watches over you still.
An you can only receive forgiveness if you forgive yourself first. I don't know these things for sure but no one ever told me them either and I just feel it's what happened an how it has to be. |
I don't know... It just hurts Lan. I know I hurt her. And I can't forgive myself. I wish I could. I really want to. But I just can't... |
You can but it may take some time.
An I'll be here to talk to, ok? -huggles- |
-Nods and snuggles.- Thanks Lan... I just can't deal anymore, it seems... |
Anytime Mis, we all need to talk at times.
An a friend is suppose to be there for the other. -nods- |
I'm really glad I have a friend like you. It's nice to talk to someone and not worry what they think. |
Well you have that in me. ^_^
I won't judge you when I could be easily judged myself. |
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