I'm not tall, Veshora, but I'm fat enough that I can't pass for a kid xDD

Just say your parents were professional sumo wrestlers.

those boobs... everyone at 12 has them in my family, I'm just waiting until I'm 18 to do the surgery, sure <.<

It's a rare genetic mutation caused by a hypersensitivity to endogenous estrogenes. You've been teased about it since kindergarten and need to follow a special dietetic routine to keep your estradiol levels low. Basically, candy is the only thing you can safely digest.

I'm not sure I can finish that sentence before they slam the door to my face, but it's worth a try

Try "I just want candy" next time. Much shorter, and as good an explanation as any.

Then they'll say 'NO' and i'll just be 'ok' and cry in my room like the loser I am :(((

You're not a loser. You're a demonical skeleton airship pirate.

A demonical skeleton airship pirate loser :(((

...do you want to talk?

Well, it all started about thirty years ago...

So about the time when the US resumed their Space Shuttle program? Go on...

Wh-what? o.O

Anyway, my dad made me kneel on corn kernels...

Well, I just subtracted 30 years from today and so we have 1988 which is when... ah, forget it. Not that important for your psychological history anyway. Unless you have sexual dreams about rockets.

How did you feel when your dad made you do it?

I don't, and I'm also not american xD

very afraid :(

I know, but space exploration knows no frontiers.

Was there a particular reason he made you kneel on the corn kernels? Like, did he plan a scientific experiment to figure out whether your body heat would turn them to popcorn?