Dear you,

I want to help you and be there for you but it's so hard. I'm wearing thin from having to be the wall. I don't understand why you can't stop obsessing over this and just let it go. You say I wouldn't understand but do you know that I actually do and you're the oblivious one? I've been hurting for so long and you unknowingly rubbing it in makes it hurt even more. Do you even care about me anymore? Honestly do you want to be in my life? The only time I ever hear from you is when you need something and I stupidly give in. I care too much and you know that, you take advantage of it. Can't you listen to me? Can't you want to be with me? I've been so alone and you're the worst of them all. I have such a hard time getting to know people and you take advantage of this. Stop pretending and just tell me the truth. I know you're bullshitting me, now admit it. I wish I still mattered to you like you matter to me.

- Me

Dear the masses,
For the love of all that is right in this world please stop saying "I don't care." Do you not understand the shooting pain my heart feels every time those words are uttered? It's ok, you can care, you can give a damn, you can be mad or upset, but saying you don't care is just giving up. If something happens to you it's going to have an effect, hiding it just means you have to deal with it on your own now.
So with that I leave you this. I care. I will give a damn for you. Life sucks sometimes, giving in and just letting it drop a load on you seems easier at times. Stop. Just letting yourself decompose in the wastebasket of your past without caring about what's going on and making a change you'll just get buried. Talk to me, open your heart and mind to those feelings you've had locked up for far too long.
Love,
The idiot that still tries

Dear Life;

Why do you have to be so hard for the last few nights I've woken up itchy, irrtated and just plain can't sleep. Last night I cryed my self to sleep yet again. I just wish the pain would go away I can't trust any one any more beacuse you keept throwing curve balls at me, I can't stand my own body or mind any more I littraly hate my self. I feel discourged to try new things as I worry all the time about messin it up and I'm now paranoid that I've pushed people away from me as I feel that undesirable that I don't want people kowing how horrible I really am. That how I think of my slef this big uly eil vile person that deserves tobe beaten up daily jst for being around. So go suck it life.

Your's Kara

Dear sister,
That test you sent me last night? The one we're discussing right now?

You have NO IDEA how happy I am about that! I have listed to you bemoan your nursing and how our mother pushed you into it... I have heard you talk about how you hate it, how you want to switch, how you can't stand your job... Ever since you were studying it in college.
And now you're going for an MBA. THIS is much closer to the real you, the people person who doesn't like needles.

I know you know I am excited for you and supportive of your decision.

I can't tell you just HOW MUCH I feel those things, though, because you always take it the wrong way, as a commentary that you have been less than perfect and I think less of you. Nobody is perfect, we're just here to find ourselves. And that's what you're doing. YAYAYAYAY!

Dear work,

you suck. I shouldn't have to be on edge constantly and second-guessing myself on almost every bleedin' call. I'm going to find a new job, and then I'm giving my two weeks notice, and hopefully will never come back to the parent company ever again.

-someone who doesn't get nearly enough compensation for the stress

Dear "he shall not be named"

Thanks for possibly runing the British pagan scene. Thanks for destroyng all the good people have been doing for years. I hope your happy!. You've runed a lot of peoples lives, you took childhoods away from innocent people and you made us a joke. Hope you rot in jail. The sentance they gave you was no way near long enoutgh but your new "freinds" will soon teach you to respect people. I'd say worse about you but I always knew something wasn't right. Something seemed odd about how you tried it on wth EVERY single woman when you first turned up at a moot. It seemd even more odd that a gent of your age would be interested with my self when he had a small group of other young people with them. You've disgusted most if not all the community. People like you deserve the worst treatment. On the plus side of this at least you can't hurt any more young people. At least your out of the community now and those who where brave enough to go to the police about him, Thank you!. I just wish he never hurt you n the fist place. Hopefully karma has a special treatment lined up for this despicable man.

Dear Soon to be Ex Step Father,

You want to help Mom then actually fucking care. Not spend the entire surgery 'saying that sitting here is pointless and that you should be at work'. No one asked for you to come. Then being on your phone and shushing my mother when she is groaning in pain, I almost slapped you and wanted to force you onto the side of the road. None of your calls or customers are more important than the woman you supposably love being in pain.
You want to know why the hell she is leaving you, that is why. You put everything above her, and frankly I can deal with it 90% of the time but when she is like this I am not in the mood. Learn to be a fucking human being, because she already moved out. And I only let you in the house because I needed to go fill her script. You aren't staying here with her. I got this, I took off work for this. You took a day off and complained the entire time about coming up.

Dear idiot features

I cant take your lying any more. You've hurt me too oftern. I know I shouldn't go through your messages but you hide things from me all the time. You've been flirting with your house mates girl freind. You hate me. You keep doing this to me all the time. All I want to do is curl up and go away. I cant keep doing this. You only stay with me as I'm there and easy to het to where as every other female you wnt to get your end wet with would mean you traveling. I hate that you make me feel so u wanted I stay with you as I'm scared of being alone yet you do this constantly. Why do I keep trusting you. Please stop it. Please just choose me to love not every one who shows you her breasts or eyes. Yours kara

Dear Sleep,

I wish people understood how much anxiety you give me, rather than think things like "Law needed the sleep." Sleep is not peaceful to me, and I can't control it - more akin to passing out than sleep - so it messes up my internal schedule. Often my dreams are death-oriented or fear-oriented, and I feel worse when I wake up. So, please stop with the "sleep is good" thing, okay.

Law

Dear Hyposmia,

You're a fickle bitch. You've robbed me of a lot of senses and memories and overall positive experiences. Living with you makes it feel as if every smell or taste is attempted through thick gloves, and I can barely tell if something is supposed to have a smell or taste. Food is essentially warm mushy bricks and the excitement I have for sweets is just nostalgia standing in for actually tasting. Smells are essentially non existent. The last thing I can ever remember smelling is her perfume, and now she's gone. That's the last scent you left me with, you horrible thing. I can't smell people, and supposedly that's why it's hard to connect with others on a deeper emotional level. Perhaps it's my lack of maturity or some other explanation, but you've really neutered my ability to perceive things. Remember Brau Haus in Hot Springs? That first hot bite of the strongest goulash soup we ever had? It warmed us up and started an amazing history. Now that same bowl of soup is just warm tasteless muck. Herbs and spices are meaningless. Everything is just bland bricks, assuming bricks have no taste because I cannot freaking tell because of you.

What's more, no one takes you seriously. You're an unseen disability. A blind guy gets a cane, you can see him. You can take pity on him. A deaf guy, you pick up on that. But you say you cannot smell, or taste, and there's no pity. People somehow think it's a plus, like "Oh man, you can't smell insert bad thing here. You can't taste whatever vegetable I don't like!" No. No that's not how it works. No one congratulates a blind guy because he doesn't have to see an ugly person. Don't try to spin it in a positive way. You're not taken seriously by anyone because you have no visible signs, and that hurts me even more.

I can't cook, because of you. I can't tell when things are bad. I can't even cook for people or dates or anyone else coming over because I can't tell what I need to add. I can't tell if something needs seasoning. I can't tell if something is...well, you get the point. I can't. I end up eating the same simple canned goods and basic foods because everything else is simply not worth the effort if it's going to be warm chunky sludge.

You know, we got a scented candle for Christmas last year. It's been used once. Raspberry Lemonade. I didn't know that Raspberries or lemonade produced a smell. Especially the two combined. We're always so surprised when something supposedly has a smell. For the longest time, we thought all Starbursts were the same. Oh man, were we wrong.

I guess it brings some peace. I remember always wondering why people would exaggerate so much about how good something was, when it clearly had no taste going for it. No wonder we were picky about food, about what we ate, and how we relied more on texture than anything. I guess I know why now. It was you. It was all you.

The sad thing is, I can rid myself of you. If I'm lucky, you're not neurological or irreparable nerve damage, and you can be fixed. However, I will never have the money required to do it. So I'm stuck with you, knowing I can be rid of you so I can finally taste and smell again and actually experience everything I've wanted to, but never actually have the money to do it with. So yeah, thanks for that.

I'm out. Wish you were too.

Dear selfconcious,

STOP MAKING ME DREAM ABOUT MY EX-BFS!! I'm trying to move on and when i go to sleep i don't want to see the faces of the people that hurt me dearly. Thank you and GOOD DAY SIR!!

Sincerely,

tired of waking up in tears

Dear Someone,

I know that I should be working on my contempt issues, but you make it really hard when...
1. I request of you to do a simple task of putting the raw bell pepper back in the refrigerator and...
2. I open the refrigerator to find it sitting on top of raw chicken. :/
3. You are not a little kid, but a grown ass adult. You should know better.
4. When you do things in such a careless and lazy manner, it makes you look like a real shitbag.

Sincerely,

Peeved Person

Dear Mom,

It's apparent to me that you really don't understand the full ramifications of what you suggested and pointed me to as a job lead. I know you mean well, but really? Recommending that I apply to work at one of the churches in town? When you know damn good and well that I'm a Polytheistic Pagan, and am likely the ONLY one in town?

I'm sorry, I can't do that. I refuse to put myself in a potentially hostile work environment, no matter how good the money may be.

-me.