Tonight's drink: Probably all of it! Well, maybe. I'm a lightweight.

My god. 2PM-2:30AM on Thursday (Thanksgiving!) and 2PM to 11:30PM today. I am...destroyed. Ruffled. Angry. Roozled. Let's make Roozled a word. Generally disappointed in humanity as a whole. Somewhat catty.

I will probably end up making a full on thread about shopping rage somewhere later after I have had time to collect myself.

How is everyone else tonight?

Yay ^_^

Opposite for me though, since my period started right before my practical exam :s-ugh:

I can't tell this particular anecdote because I'm sure Trisphee's ToS would fold its arms and look disapprovingly at me, but ain't that is the friggin' truuuuuth.

One day, I'm going to have a no holds barred thread on here where I just type up all the stuff I've done and had happen to me.

Nuuuuu now I'm terribly terribly morbidly curious :s-drool:

*SNERK* See, I see "Hanky-panky", and I think of "Dumbing of Age"'s Joyce Brown shouting "PRE-MARITAL HANKY-PANKY!" at this one guy in the comic. And I laugh. A lot.:p-tongue:

XD Naw. If I'mma do hanky-panky, it's gonna wait 'til after I'm married.

Listen. Listen. The stories I could tell you guys. Oh my god, the stories. I might just type them all up and put them in white text so you have to highlight them just to read. Maybe I could get away with that.

And as far as the particular incident in question, well...let's say it involved the above mentioned hanky panky, the above mentioned subject right before, my lack of smell or taste (Hyposmia made this a horrifying experience), and the things that might happen to someone when they cannot smell or taste while with another person who has unfortunately timed times of the month.

Also, a pretty good zombie impression before I ran to the bathroom to, you know, die.

I could make a really icky comment, but I won't, mostly because I'm laughing too hard!


ETA: I just gotta ask, Salone. Are you cosplaying as The Spine from Steam Powered Giraffe?

+stumbles in+ Helloooooo. Just got here, saw this thread, and was like, I'm game.

How goes it. All is well I hope.

I am having all of this anxiety all of a sudden, I drank an emergen-c would that do it? D:

I haven't heard about that giving you anxiety, but the energy boost may have caused it.

You know I usually end up putting Emergen-C in my screwdrivers.

Hellooooooo Nari! If you like drunken shenanigans and some outright wrong stories, you've definitely come to the right place.

I'm working on a new sweater for myself. I got a lot of chunky-weight yarn, so I'mma make myself something nice and warm :)

Tonight's Drink: Washington Apple, again (sue me, out of lemonade)

So I'm looking through the Steam sale, and I'm trying to find something worth picking up. I have quite a few games, just looking for something cheap that I'll probably never end up playing.

Any ideas?

That's fine Nari. Love your art by the way! Waiting for you to post more so I can salivate over it.

XD Salone, that's terrible and hilarious as hell.

I've done some bad things to good people, I'll admit. I've burned bridges and all sorts of things for the sake of a joke. Although most of the time, shit just happens.

I'll give you guys another story later tonight!

Okay okay. So kind of in the similar vein. Again, deffo M, bad bad content, all that. You have been warned.

ok i'll share my embarrassing story too! >3> I've blanked most of it from trauma but I'll share what I remember! I guess M, R, what have you NSFW, read at your own risk! Don't read it if you think I am awesome and want to keep thinking of me that way!

I... really don't have a lot of stories, myself... but I do have a couple. Fairly tame by comparison to what's already been posted, but still kinda funny. Definitely M, so click at your own risk!

Oh man! I'm so sorry. That sounds...so awkward! Poor thing!

That is funny though. Of course boys would be right there. Oh, boys.

So I was going to post this earlier, but the site went down for maintenance right before I was able to post it... This is the first of three stories I have from my time in Job Corps back in 2008-2009. Borderline M, but mostly immature and hopefully funny:

Alright, so. Let me tell you about the time I had to slather my naked grandfather in vegetable oil.

I'm 14. At my house, which is next to my grandparents' house. I'm enjoying myself, late at night, talking to a girl when I get a call from my grandmother. "Salone" she says, "Your grandfather's drunk and fell in to the bathtub and can't get up!"

Oh boy.

So I let the girl know, I stroll up there and prepare to help him right himself. What she failed to tell me was that in between him getting drunk and falling in to the bathtub, he also became naked.

Completely naked.

So here I am, 14, spindly as fuck, attempting to maneuver a 300+ pound drunk old guy out of a very small bathtub. What's worse is that his fat has somehow suctioned itself to the bathtub, and I cannot lift him up.

This is where paying attention in history class helps, folks.

My grandfather's last name was Taft. He used to tell me that he was related to President Taft, who also happened to be the fattest president of all time. There are (unproven) stories of him becoming stuck in a tub and needing to be unstuck with buttermilk.

I did not have buttermilk, but I did have vegetable oil. Several bottles of vegetable oil. So...I began lubing up my drunken grandfather with vegetable oil, in an attempt to make him slick enough to unstick him and pull him out.

It works, although now he is so lubed that he can't be properly held on to. He begins slowly turning back and forth as he attempts to wallow. Locking arms with him, I manage to eventually haul part of him over the side of the tub.

This effort is not made easier by my grandmother, who is drunk and perched on top of the toilet seat with her chest to her knees, clutching a glass of wine like some sort of drunken hagraven from Skyrim. Just...laughing her ass off. Also one of the dogs, a mixed Whippet Dachshund Chihuahua mix mutt is barking constantly at all the shenanigans.

I finally get enough of him over the side for gravity to take over, and he slides over the side and his body curls up around the toilet. And he passes out.

I can't leave him there (doubt my grandmother could have crawled over him), so I spend time waking him up. We move him slowly in to a position to where he can stand, and I desperately attempt to keep my distance as I help him upward. I am seeing old and (now grossly lubed) man meat swaying about, and I am screaming to keep my distance. I help him hobble to his room, all the while being trailed by little Taco the barking dog.

After about 20 minutes, we make it the 30 feet in to his bedroom. He's standing in front of the bed. Taco is upon it, barking at him.

Grandpa has had enough shit. He passes out standing up. For a brief moment, he is balanced.

Then he begins to list.

It's slow. Too slow for Taco to notice. Gravity takes over once again and over 300 pounds of old man flesh begins to descend too quickly towards the little dog. His body lands on top of the dog. And it probably would have killed Taco, except for, well...

Except for the fact that he was covered in vegetable oil.

The perfect mix of force from the fall and lubricant launch the dog out from under him as the little dog yelps and goes flying over the side of the bed.

And that is the time I had to perform an action that belongs in a Cards Against Humanity expansion.

*SNERK* Oh, sheesh. *raises her bottle of dark pale ale to you, Salone*

Thank you! It was horrible at the time, but I can look back and laugh now. And I'll probably be joining you in the drink tonight. Maybe. Not sure yet.

Story time! Another Job Corps story, and again, slightly M, and immature.

Alright, so from time to time, something will make you irrationally angry very suddenly to varying degrees. To measure it, I use the Kravitz Scale. Let me tell you why.

When I was 12, my mother purchased one of those godawful CD alarm clocks. The CD she selected was a Lenny Kravitz' Greatest Hits CD. That's okay, at the time. Kravitz is okay. However my mother was a heavy drunk. Every morning at 6AM, this thing would go off at max volume, waking me up...while she slept through it and several other alarm clocks for half an hour.

Half an hour of Lenny Kravitz every morning.

For three years.


Now let that sink in. For over a thousand days, every single morning was destroyed by Lenny Kravitz. And being a teenager, I stayed up late. I would have very few hours of sleep, and precious minutes were robbed from me by mother not even getting up when her Lenny Kravitz CD alarm clock exploded me awake. This thing was set no matter what, even when she would spend an entire week at her boyfriends' houses. I would somehow always forget about it, and it would always go off.

Well one time, things were different. I had had an incredibly shitty night, so bad that it carried over in to the morning...when I was woken up by Lenny Kravitz.

I went full on apeshit. I snapped. Every ounce of anger I have ever had and ever will have I borrowed to fuel my hatred that morning. I stormed in to her room, ripped the CD from the alarm clock, and spent an hour beating the crap out of this CD.

I went full Lifetime Channel Husband on it. Snapping it was too quick. No, there was no satisfaction in a quick break. I took out three years of anger on this thing. It was shattered, bent, pounded, chipped, utterly destroyed.

I still do it though. As soon as I hear Lenny Kravitz, I am...well, triggered I guess. It sends me in to a rage that takes a second to come down from. But that one time is the only time I have experienced a full Kravitz snap. Everything I get angry at or suddenly ragey at (which is very rare) is measured by this one time.

Seriously. To hell with Lenny Kravitz.