i don't like having emotions very much.

yeah, i get that. i try not to do too many emotions either

and yet my brother calls me a robot when i don't emote, pulling faces when i emote with my face, and emotional if i dare bother emoting otherwise.

he might want to make up his fucking mind, jegus h christ.

well that doesn't sound very brotherly...

and then he wonders why i want outta here.

gestures in an excessively vague manner.

Emotions are stupid and people are stupid and I teared up in class today in front of my entire fucking group due to anxiety.

god, mood.

mm.

i think i've always been like this. always had trouble with emotions shite. doesn't help that i'm terrified of being abandoned as a result of fucking up, y'know?

I had really serious anger management issues as a kid; I think it didn't help that I take after my dad a lot and he also has anger management issues. And mine only got worse in HS and I'm suspecting that might also have been due to mental health issues starting.

So obviously when I hit my lowest point with depression, I went the complete opposite direction with emotions.

I feel like out of the people who talking about preferring to be a robot or cyborg of some sort, a disproportionately large number are ace, aro, ADHD, on the autie spectrum, or some combination of all of those.

> suspects that i may have adhd / autism (or potentially both, as they can be comorbid) and was passed over bc i was one of those 'gifted kids'
> relates way too much to posts on the internet abt adhd
> fuck

there's also NB people vaguely wanting to be robots, i think? idk.

also, yeah, about the anger issues thing, can relate. i think it's mostly because my brother is kind of a prick and i have to internalise a lot of shit else i get called a snowflake or emotional, because HOW DARE I SHOW EMOTION?!?!?!?!

second edit because i'm forgetting a lot of things, but i was also bullied in secondary.

Considering that you hyperfixate on stuff, ADHD/autism/both definitely isn't outside the realm of possibility.

I do the same, and was put on a pedestal as a kid bc I was at the top of my class, and I'm almost 100% the gifted kid burnout stereotype and IDEK if I'm the spectrum bc comorbidity and, uh, DFAB auties often go undiag'd

oh, yeah, forgot about gender shenanigans

i'm NB too

:] I emote with one of two masks.
The happy mask, hiding anything I'm feeling that isn't happy.
And the leave-me-be mask for those special occasions where I just want space and for you to not speak to me because I have headphones on and am concentrating on something important. /8[
Can totally relate tho. :[ Emotions can flippin' ruin your whole day man. </3 Also they get in the way of such trivial things. >x{ If only there was an off button and if only there were a way for me to shut up! >~>;
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wow...amazing how being bullied creates common issues later on. I'm sorry guys, <:[ former bullied person too here. *wiggles arm* eyyy...

yeah. ADHD is underdiagnosed if you're DFAB and is commonly just called being a daydreamer or a chatterbox. bit fucked, there, isn't it?
bonus points to it apparently being a 'childhood' disorder, same with autism, nevermind the fact that it can and WILL affect the rest of your adult life <:)

endless gender shenanigans.
i'm nb too hdkjdhjh(more masculine as of late, thinking abt changing the label to transmasculine but i don't get? dysphoric. not much?)

It's v difficult finding a balance between 100% emotion and 0% emotion and like

most neurotypical people don't understand that and it's v frustrating.

I'm NB/transmasc. same hat. I think we're same hat on a lot of counts.

i get that a lot, the emotional imbalances thing.

EDIT: :0c
same hat!!!

also dysphoria's not a pre-requisite for being trans. i will stab anyone who argues otherwise

i'm aware! it just fucks with people that other people think dysphoria is a requirement. one of the symptoms of being the other gender is wanting to be the other gender.

also, with the rise of scenecore again, we could really stand for some accessibility stuff tbh. :0c

wtf is scenecore

uhhhhh like, y'know those bright colours and OP OCs back in the early 2000s that you saw everywhere?

that stuff.

except now we're trying to do it w/o all the ableism shite.

there was ableism shit back then?

yeah. the excessive use of bright, flashing colours (which can trigger epileptic seizues) and the casual use of the r slur.

Here I thought bright flashy colours were a 90s thing.

shrugs. i'm pretty sure that was disco-stuff. since computers became common use somewhere in the 2000s.

If we're talking about websites that look like they were done in Paint, with clipart, that's the early 2000s.

My father, who is very much a robot, agrees that I'm likely somewhere on the autism spectrum. Especially since it can present differently for girls and I share some of those characteristics. My uncle on my mother's side had to have been on the spectrum too, so I'm curious about the genetic factor. But avoidant personality also seems fitting for me, so I'm not really sure.

yeah, that's more towards what i'm talking abt.

When I bring up the possibility of being on the spectrum, my friends go "yeah I could see that, to a mild degree" and adult-adults over at Disabilities Resources are like "nah". Which I feel is kind of telling.

Ah okay then, didn't realize you were thinking of websites.

gestures. i'm too scared to bring it up to mum because she says that i slept at night when i was younger, despite that... not really being a diagnostic criteria.

Brains on the same wavelength, hah. Early 2000s, clipart and MS wordart websites with flashing "glitter" borders, and edgy OP OCs on devART.

how is that even RELEVANT

god. while i'd like that stuff to come back again, the ableism should stay back in the early 2000s.

to having adhd or

Yeah
Also I like to joke that Raster is a very 2000s edgy deviantART-esque OC

anything, really?

gestures. i do not remember having any OCs in that timeframe.

you were also like. two.

I did, but they were never particularly well developed. I have half a mind to drag them out and give them a makeover.