No. Just how knowing to expect something doesn't necessarily make it better.

As much as I expected it, I didn't realize I'd take it so hard. I hate feeling so emotional.

But that's how it is, especially with something so big.

I know....


I still hate it.

Well, you can't help caring...

No, but at the same time, I feel more vulnerable than I want to own up to, I can stand up to people and the world all day and all night but the minute something that actually hurts happens all my courage dissolves and any supposed strength I have is gone. My dog is dying and I just want to curl up and cry.

I wouldn't see that as a lack of courage or strength. You will have feelings, and how you show those aspects is in how you deal with life, even in the face of said feelings. Acknowledging them and experiencing them does not keep you from doing what you need to do. It does not keep you from facing reality and pulling through. There is no shame in being upset.

No one else here seems affected at all, they're just going about their regular night, I'm the only one here who's a sobbing mess. They've already moved on.

Well, that doesn't really surprise me; while I'm sure your family loves Max, you were the closest to him.

They keep wanting to talk to me. I kinda just want to be left alone.

Indeed... did you tell them that?

They don't seem to get it, they insist that it's unhealthy of me to always demand to be left alone when I'm upset. They're trying to be nice but I can tell mom at least is getting aggravated with me.

Good lord... -_- Wanting to be alone is a pretty common response, too.

When mom gets upset she wants everyone everywhere to come and pay attention, so she doesn't understand that all that does for me is make me uncomfortable and tired. I can't properly feel anything and get it out of my system if I don't have the privacy and solitude to vent it out.

Gah... How can someone be so stuck up their own ass?

I don't know, today it's really hard not to snap at her, I can feel my self-control slipping.