Ah, so you react to Lenny Kravitz the way I react to Country music.

The first time I heard the vegetable oil story was over a Skype call.

Now, most oldbies on Tris know this, but, my parents and I don't see eye-to-eye on the whole Internet thing. They don't exactly approve of videogames, talking to "strangers", what have you. (Let's ignore the fact that I am quite of age.)

So it's Salone, Suze, Galla, Quiet (was Quiet there? I forget. She might have gone to sleep), and me. I've got one earbud in so I can hear my parents coming, and the lot of us are on Guild Wars, running around the PvP area for no particular reason.

Salone is drunk off his fucking ass.

This also happens to be the first time I've introduced him to the concept of using gender-neutral pronouns to refer to me.

And to make it worse, everything I want to say, has to be typed into the chatbox.

So we're running around, trying to figure out what's climbable and what's /actual wall/, and just jumping around the entire place, with Suze and Galla going "wait WHO?!" every time Salone screw up pronouns, when Salone goes --

"Have I ever told you about that time I had to slather my naked grandfather in vegetable oil?"

Or, you know, something of that general nature, because that was literally almost a year ago.

"...You what?"

"Wait, wait, I have to tell you this."

"Ooooookay...?"

And off he launches into storytelling.

Less than three minutes in, Suze loses it and starts guffawing over Skype. Galla's wheezing. I'm doing my utter best to not crack up because that miiight raise suspicions.

What ensues is this: Suze laughs more in the following half hour than I've ever seen him laugh for the entire then-2.5 years I'd known him, Galla is /sure/ Salone's exaggerating, and I actually stop jumping from pillar to pillar for once and have to un-earbud from time to time because the three of them are apparently all doubled over wheezing that I can't hear my parents at all. There's a shitload of pronoun correcting from both Suze and Galla, and almost-uncomfortably profuse apologizing from Salone, and me struggling too much to hide my laughter to care the slightest bit. Salone cracks up so much while recounting the entire debacle that the story takes much longer than necessary to tell.

And to this day, that still might be the best session of Guild Wars we've ever had :|

Okay, so I have a story that ISN'T from my time in Job Corps. It's from when I was working at a casino, and took a few days off to go to an anime convention down in Atlanta.



So, yeah. that's the racy story from my last trip to Anime Weekend Atlanta, back in 2007.

Really? They don't know how to do it? Sheesh. Poor vanilla kids.

Yesterday, I screwed up big at work. Gentleman came in to the store in a wheelchair, asked me where the computer section was. Without thinking, I say "It's to the left over here, just walk that way and you'll find it."

I don't think he heard me, but the four people (including one customer) near me did. I didn't get in trouble, but boy did I feel dumb.


ALSO!

Going out tonight. Expect drink updates. It's been a while so I'll probably still have my usual alcoholic tolerance (The equivalent of a baby kitten, or an upper middle class college girl). There are to be shenanigans.

Salone, you have the best stories, hands down ! Jeeze! The one about your grandpa was fantastic.

Oh boy.

Well, last night was fun. My boss picks me up, we head to The Arrow, a little hole in the wall joint so we can see our store manager's husband play in a band.

2x Washington Apples

Thirty minutes later, we hop on over to The Chute, the local gay bar. Drag show is tonight, those are always fun. Also the only bar in town that makes people smoke outside, so that's a plus. The owner ruins my fun by telling everyone I'm straight, so no free drinks for me.

3x Washington Apples, 1x Coconut Rum with Pineapple, 1x Screwdriver, 1x Long Island Iced Tea

I'm not feeling it. I'm on top of the world. My tolerance is actually a thing, I can handl-

Whoops, nope. No I can't.

All over the place. Boss' girlfriend didn't feel like coming out, we're discussing all the super cute girls at work. Bump in to some of her friends. We proceed to discuss the uselessness of the male species (Trust me, I am one). They keep trying to hook me up with guys while proceeding to argue if I am straight or not, while also ignoring my input. There was also a bar wide game involving getting a condom from the bar and putting it over this one guy's drink when he wasn't looking. That was fun to watch. Am drunk, telling stories, good night.

1:30AM, place is closing soon. Figure we're about to head home, but nope. We're off to The Cowboy, a semi redneck joint that stays open much later. Driven over that way, may have performed the worst performance of the Macarena in a vehicle ever.

At The Cowboy. I drink...something. At this point just whatever they hand me, which looking back now I suspect that it was just water. I get a text message from Air Hockey Girl, from several pages ago. Asks me if I'm there. Then bam! Right next to me. We get down to talking for a while. Beautiful redhead, talk for a long time before she has to go with her friends. Boss tells me I'm an idiot for not picking up on that I was supposed to go with her, but I've got so much alcohol in my veins I doubt it would have mattered. We start talking about girls and flirting and how apparently I am just oblivious to it. I confide in her I fell for 'Netflix and Chill' about three times before I found out what it actually was. Eventually place closed down and I was driven home, but not before being taken to WalMart for Red Baron personal pizzas and those little chocolate chip granola bars. Proceed to eat all of them and the little pizzas. All in all, a good night. No one exciting hilarious story, but still a good night. I ache now, my voice is hoarse, but would definitely do again. Except maybe actually go with Air Hockey Girl next time.

Oh, and whoever kept grabbing my ass at The Cowboy...you're welcome. Getting my Retail Ass back, I see it's paying off.

Gonna go see Star Wars tomorrow night at a theater you can eat dinner at. After smoking a little natural stuff.

Can't wait. This'll be the first time in a long time I can just chill like this.

Den I am so sorry…. that sounded like it hurt

And I have way too many not right stories from college.

Poor foot. :'( feel better soon.

Also, hi everyone!

What's bad is I had to look back to see what everyone was sympathizing with...

It's always nice to read back, Den
:)

Last of the Job Corps stories. Possibly M, definitely immature. Again, involving that one roommate I had.

*Stopping by to wish everyone well*

Not to share a story? Daww, Law!

XD

XD Okay, so I lied about having only three Job Corps stories.

I'm also slightly buzzed on the concoction I told y'all about at the beginning of this thread, so sue me. Definitely M, and immature. Click the spoiler at your own discretion.

Pffffft 'pull one over on her' has to be about the best use of that phrase for a story like that.

Also, I'm back baby!

Well sort of. You mates will have to excuse me, as I have been getting over the annual Christmas/New Year's Holiday Depression Extravaganza.

Last night I had an alarming amount of Bacardi that caused me to wake up at 6AM and watch the entire show of Steven Universe in one sitting.

So how was everyone else? What did everyone else do for their obligatory New Year's stuff?

I've been at the boyfriend's house since last Sunday (the 27th), but I fly home in the morning. I'd rather stay here but obligations need to be dealt with.

Mmmm, staying with S/O's is always fun. Well, usually. Depends on who they live with. I've had a lot that still lived with their parents, which made things awkward sometimes.

Speaking of awkward.

So I'm known at work for being able to open problem locks or security cases (AP, it's my job anyway), so people bring me all the things they can't get in to. Girl I've been, er, seeing on the side and one of my bosses come over with a case they can't seem to budge. Pull it open quickly, they ask me how I did it, and I don't catch myself and end up saying, "I've got a bad habit of getting inside things that I shouldn't."

And then it became a real fun conversation after that. Yeeeaah.

His family's pretty nice, and very welcoming. I actually felt more comfortable around them than I do with my own family. Which could say a lot about my current living situation, or it could be a statement on the types of people I've dealt with...