Dear Diary,
I'm 100% confused now. I thought I knew how I felt... but not anymore. Help, please?

With love,
Holly

Dear Diary,
My parents for the past few years have been talking about getting a divorce. They have been on and off about it so I was starting to think nothing of it. Well recently my mom went through my dads cell phone to look at texts and they were of a friend of his from work asking where he was. It was his boss. I know this because I have met her. I remember that day because my dad was late. But my mom is now accusing him of cheating.
So they are most likely getting a divorce and I guess my question is....
"What am I supposed to do?" I have a sister my cousins. My grandmother is probably going to take my mom's side without any evidence. I just don't know. I love both of my parents very much......

Dear diary,
Yet again I see my self writing here. But what am I gonna do. I need to vent.
Today my uncle pretty much says he prefers me and my sister to be...I guess..less than him?
I don't know how to explain it.
He wants him to be first. Not our needs. So he is putting up a woe is me adittude.
I can't have a normal conversation without it becoming an argument because I said something wrong. I don't know what to do. I guess I will hope for the best but expect the worse.

Dear diary,
Yet again I find myself here again. My rant is pretty much about my uncle again. We were going to go out as a family tomorrow. I know things come up but we don't get to spend time with out dad. And he was going with also. I was looking forward to spending time with him.
But my nana talks to him and he goes on a woe is me rant. Now we are not going.
Diary I want to move out of here as fast as I can.

Dear sleep.
Stop fucking with me.
It's 3am and I have work tomorrow.
- David.

Dear diary,
Well I have finally got to see my father. Its good. :)
Though my uncle did more woe is me rants. He also told me to pretty much hate my mom because she is divorcing my dad. I don't hate any. Why would I hate her for that? Just because you were the one who chose shitty women doesn't mean that you need to show your ass.

Dear my mind,

Please stop being so conflicted about everything and just let me live my life. I don't need you making me second guess myself all the time. Stop over thinking things and just let me do what I want to do without anxieties of any kind. Because of you, I never do anything anymore because you always take something that seems good and or fun and add way too many what-if?'s making it seem not so good/fun anymore, therefore, making me not do it. I'm sure that without your "help", my life would be so much better!! If you don't like what I'm doing, then you can go take a hike because it's my life and I want it back! Thanks.

~ Starry. ☆

Dear Diary,

For the longest time I've waited for school to be over. At last that moment has come! I've graduated High School and only College remains standing for me to face! I shouldn't really worry about that though. My family has planned a trip to New York for my celebration of obtaining a diploma. I have shopping to do, places to see, and picture books to fill!
I can't wait! Well...I can..but only because my trip is set at a much cooler season..

I don't really want to walk the streets of New York in the summer. I'd pass out from heat exhaustion! That's no fun! I shall write to you how my trip went. Till then, adios!

Yours truly,
Kit

Dear people at Walmart,

when the sign says "self express checkout" doesn't mean bring your 3 carts full of shit there and make me who has 3 items wait for a long time for a register >B(

Dear ____,

Despite the fact that you aren't attracted to me, we still spend so much time together. Are you really telling me the truth, that I'm not pushing too hard to be with you? Sometimes it seems like you'd be much better off spending time with someone else, or even alone, than with someone oppressive like me. I know you say I'm your favorite person but I don't want you to think I'm hopeless without you. You are my favorite person and always will be, and I will always be hopelessly in love with you even if you cannot feel the same way about me.

-Serra

Dear Life,

Please stop doing this to me. . . . I am slowly dying on the inside and want a day off so badly but I feel like my world is dying on the inside. . .so stop being a bitch a let me have a few days off from work at the same time. . . .

With Love,

Rage hatting you all over Nikko.

Dear diary,

I don't know what I want to be. This is a bad thing, because I don't want to work minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life. I want to buy and own a decent house that is all paid off by the time I'm 22-23. It doesn't have to be a perfect house, but I don't want to be breathing in mold or freezing in the middle of winter. I can't achieve this goal if I can't get a job :c Please, give me a miracle.

Thank you.

Ginger ~

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry your father abused you when you were growing up.
I'm even more sorry you followed in his footsteps.
I'm sorry that I make you mad,
And that I can't do everything you want me to, right the first time.
I'm sorry I'm not more like my sister,
And that I can't believe you the odd time you tell me you love me.
I'm sorry I didn't grow up to be what you wanted,
Or that I can't fall in line,
I'm sorry I'm overly sensitive
But I'm really just sorry you had a freak accident,
And got Mum pregnant with me.
Sincerely; Mum was right about one thing, No one should feel that way.

Dear diary,
Well there will be little talk about my uncle in this. Surpising I know. Though my dad just pretty much said that I was full of shit when I was trying to tell him my opinion on the situation.
I have been feeling like my decisions have been made for me. He could've just smacked me across the face then bashed my head against the marble table this very computer is on. Either way the messege was clear.
He said that I insulted my nana though if he remembers correctly I was looking upstairs not at her. I was looking at my uncle. Calling him out on his shit.
In this I am always the bad guy apparently. But hey at least I have a home and food you know?

Dear Diary;

I guess I'm not allowed to have friends anymore.

dear You-haven't-got-a-clue
Well now arn't I convenient. you could give @#$@ all if I'm alive or not UNTIL you need something from me. I've been trying to tell you sicne JUNE in a nice way to go away and do it yourself... but no... you INSIST. and then INSIST that I do things to YOUR time. whatever. WHATEVER. you think you're going to HELP me? you act like you cant even piss without instructions from me!

You've put me into the position of being the nerd boy who helps out the hot chick because she promised him something and NEVER PAYS UP. Saddest part... I KNEW from the beginning you wouldn't pay up so I was trying to be nice and tell you to go way. you know what? find a nice girl you want to hump and do so...on your own time, away from me, without distraction.

~sick of being "the nice guy"

Dear heart,

Stop getting so jittery and be patient. I don't have to see her every day and since she's in school it might not even be possible anyways. She likes me back...so just be patient and wait.

-Serra

Dear-

I want to write... all of what I'm feeling. I want to scream to the heavens and whisper to hell.... but I'm afraid. Every time I talk to people bad things come of it. Every time I open up...

So I'm here to say;

"I'll miss you always. For you once broke my heart. Yet now you want be back... I know you can't understand why I have forgiven you, or why I love him. I know you don't even know where to begin to try. Yet, I can't live without you in my life. So I hope... you will find away to be friends with me..."

"Mind, body, and soul belong to you. As they always have. It took me to long to realize what you meant to me. I wish I could turn back time and change things. I love you. So trust me when I say no one will take me from you. Ever."


"I'm sorry when we talk I seem to hurt you. I don't ever mean to... I've been unstable so I guess I'm not the best person to turn to. I hope you can forgive me Muse. I'll try to be a better friend to you. I'm sorry for everything."

"I hate you and I don't know why you can't see that. You're my mother.. and you don't even know what you've done wrong. Sending me letters saying 'I miss you and I want to talk. Tell me what I did so I can fix things' IS NOT HELPING YOUR CASE. I've told you before and I won't tell you again. My forgiveness will never be yours. For all you've ever done to me. To dad. You deserve my silence."

"I don't know what you're doing or what you're thinking. I don't know why you're with her. I don't know why we can't talk about this. MH would be sooo much better for you... if you could only open your eyes and see it. I can't talk to you about anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I miss knowing I could always talk to you... because I no longer can. I miss you Dad. I hope things work out.."

Dear Diary, and to all of the Trisphites,

I have read many of the previous diaries, some depressing, some uplifting and I would like give you my hand. I can be there for you, even when I am not online maybe just thinking of something you like, cheesecake of course, might help you out a little.

I guess this entry is more of a public service announcement, maybe so but I do have some feelings of my own and I will use this some time. But, anyway, I love you guys and feel free to PM me and I will try to give you the best advice I could give, if any at possible. I haven't had much done to me, but I have seen close friends with a lot done to them and I think I could at least comfort you.

With love,

Cheesecake. :P

dear diary,

My cat was playing hard to catch
(she is the one that likes climbing and leaping on things so she can get on this ledge around the ceiling - so I normally catch her before I go out because she has been known to chase flies and crickets and knocking down breakables while trying to get them)
so since I couldn't move her out of her hunting ground, I was a bit worried she'd break things while I was at work for four hours
to my surprise she didn't break a single thing
Yay kitty wasn't hurt nor did she make a mess... but where did the bag of catnip disappear to? At the moment, that is still a mystery.

Dear -

I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I must be doing something wrong.... Because you barely look at me, let alone touch me or hold me... Sex is out of the question... because you "don't have a sex drive".... So I start to think something is wrong with me. There has to be. I give you everything I can. I pay all the bills. I buy the food. I cook, clean, and take care of you. I'm more of a mother then a girlfriend. And thats really not fair to me. I should be your whole world. You should want to spend time with me. You should care about me.... You should want me... But you don't seem to. Whats wrong with me? Is it how I look? How I act? Who I am? Tell me. I need to know... Because I just don't understand....

You just sit there and play your games. Talking on Vent with the Guys. Not giving a damn that I'm ripping apart inside. Not even trying to put an effort in it.
And here I am... waiting for you to notice.... that somethings wrong.

I try to talk to you about it, but we never seem to solve anything. You just pull the "everythings my fault" card, and then I feel I need to keep you from falling into some form of depression so we never solve anything... I don't want to hurt you... but talking to you about any of this will hurt you. I know it. And I'm scared to. And I'm doubting us... because I deserve more then this.

I deserve someone that cares about me. Someone that will help me, or at least try to. Someone that will listen through my panic attacks and not try to pity party their way out of them. Just cause I'm not doing well mentally doesn't mean you can freak out cause your "Helpless"... I need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. I need someone that will snuggle with me. And talk with me. And love me. I need someone that will fulfill my desires.... my needs.... I'm a woman that needs a man that will drop everything and come running if I need him. I need someone that has a stable job that can take care of me. Cause I'm SICK AND TIRED of taking care of EVERYONE else. I need someone that will take me on dates and show me off to the world. Being proud I'm his girl. I need someone that can cook, and clean. Because I'm not always gonna wanna do it. I need someone to be there for me... That won't choose anything over me. That will make me their world.... and baby if you can't do this for me... I'm scared that things won't work out.... because I'm NOT your mother. I'm your girlfriend and I deserve to be loved.

Dear You,

I know you're in a tight spot now and I know things are hard, I hate seeing you struggling with so much and I hate not being able to be by your side to help you through it, I know I've made mistakes in the past, but I also know I've learned from them. You'll probably never read this, because you don't go on forum sites, but I wanted to let it out. I messed up everything, and you say that it wasn't my fault, but it was, because I knew you were the one for me, and I still left you, I didn't fight, you did, and I ignored that fighting, I was a fool and I pay for that every day by watching from the sidelines. The only hope I have is that one day I can be back with you, in your arms, so I can make up everything I put you through and show you that I have grown, that I will never leave you again, never crush you again, I wish I could take you from that abusive prick and show you how it feels to be truly loved and cherished. I'd give you everything you ever wanted and more. I blame myself but I no longer let it eat at me anymore for hopes that one day you'll take me back.

World Wide Web,

I am forever grateful for your many activities that you provide day in and day out 24/7. I hope that one day you'll be given a break from this constant clacking of keyboards and link-clicking. Just one day...

Sincerely,
Miranda.

All of that mumbo jumbo dumbo bullshit.

Give me a fucking break.

Sincerely,

The same chick who posted above me earlier today.

dear me


you suck, grow up and stop crying, everyone has a hard life and you are not privilaged, dry your face and get on, you are not an 8-track, you know more than two songs

Dearest employers.

Please recognize that I need a job to create a job history. I realize it's blank, but if you'd give me the chance I can really show you there's more you can see in person than on a dumb piece of paper.

Please and thank you..

Ginger.

Dear Myself,
Why can't I drop this mask?
Why can't I be just myself?
What's the purpose of fitting in?
Why must I fill that mold?
I want to be myself,
Don't want to be anyone else,
Want to live one day in my own shoes.
Want to walk my own path,
Make my own life,
Don't want to be a mirror, no more
Want to be me.
Why is that so hard?
Why can't I just drop this mask and be myself?
I feel like a caged bird,
Forced to sing day after day,
The same old song,
Day after day,
I want to break theese chains that bind me
To this old facade.
So why can't I?
Why Can't I?

Dear self;

I don't know what you want me to say anymore. Nothing you say will bring you closer to anyone or anyone closer to you. It's as if people are afraid of replying to anything you say because you're viewed as a damn loser, and they're afraid of being looked down upon as well. I hope you don't change because you really are a very caring person. You're just quiet. Growing up, you were a loner no matter where you went because you knew you'd be moving again. You thought having more people in your life for a short amount of time would have been a waste because you would never get to see them again or experience their company. But you know.. maybe some friendships are supposed to be short. Maybe the more people you meet and create friendships with is actually a good thing. You don't know where you'll be in 20 years. Maybe you'll see a couple of them again someday. But if you were to start all over again and were given the chance to choose any clique to be in, I bet you would keep choosing loner because you're a coward. But you know? You're not leaving again anytime soon. You're almost 20 years old. Surprising, yes? Keep hiding in that box and maybe people will actually leave you alone like you've been trying to make happen for months now. Start eating right again. Skipping meals doesn't save them much money anyway, and sleeping in so skipping meals will be easier for you just makes you look like a lazy tard. When you get a job and have the money, go to the doctor immediately, and not your family doctor. Something is seriously wrong with your body. Everyone thinks you complain all the time about not feeling good, you're lazy, and you're apparently too needy. If only they understood the pain you've been going through, but then again, who wants to know about another person's menstrual cycle? Maybe you're right in keeping that to yourself. Try not to wear pajamas most of the day, even though yes they are way more comfortable than day clothes. Pajamas and looking like a mess for two weeks a month makes you look even more lazy. Just because you're ignored by everyone doesn't mean you should ignore whoever is ignoring you. No matter how hard you try, you're not going to be completely invisible to everyone. Stop dreaming and start living.

FYI, tampons don't do a very good job at crushing spiders. Next time you see one, grab a shoe instead of a feminine product and smash the shit out of it.

With love,
Miranda Greenlee (Yourself.)

Dear Heart,

It's exciting to know that someone you like, likes you back. But STAY CALM PLEASE. Stuff doesn't have to happen overnight. It's quite alright if it moves a little slow, to let the feelings grow. And really...don't be so worried. If we like each other, truly, then time won't tear us apart...

-Serra

Dear World,
What is it with all the good luck? My luck has always sucked before why the sudden change? If you're going to throw me for a loop do it soon before my heart grown cold again. I used to be able to count on my bad luck but this good luck, it isn't good for me. It increases my alertness 24/7 and brings back weird non-memories. What I'm asking is for you to stop.
-Love

Dear life,
How can things be so hard sometimes? My husband is all D: about money again! He is thinking of getting another job, but I am afraid of the lack of communication we will have if he takes it. Not to mention the stress he goes through every day at the job he is at now. I miss my baby boy, I know he's with his grandmother but....I just miss him ;.;

Dear Coca Cola,

Stop being delicious. You are high in sugar, calories, and you make me fart.

Your biggest Fan,
Me.

Dear USB cable for my camera...
I don't know why you are hiding...
If I did something wrong, I am sorry..
But please come out now, I need to connect my camera to my laptop already and move the tons of pictures... and I can't really do it without you

Sincerely, me

Dear...anyone.

Last night was one of the most painful things I've ever gone through. The emotional scar feels like it won't ever heal, and that makes me feel like I did the wrong thing, though the two people closest to me say I did the right thing. I just don't know. Perhaps I have just been screwing up all along with everything, and it makes me feel like I should throw all my wants out the window and empty myself of desire. I know it's not healthy to do so, but if I can't regulate myself, it might be better to pursue no one, and nothing.

-Struggling to find my place again