Dear life,
Now that you are done screwing me over for all that good luck think you could do one good thing for me? Make the director change parts for me. When I get nervous I do formal not informal, and people from the deep west do not do Victorian Formal. I will be the only person unable to do the 'accent' during the play and ruin it for everyone else. There is a reason I chose Mimi over Brenda Mae.\
Love

Dear Life,

How are you today? It seems I can't win with work or sleep or even looking into other things. I can't keep up with bills and payments and you. Why are you so mean to me and everyone that is around as of right now? I guess I will never know. . . .

Nikko

Dear Diary,
Things are getting bad for me. I spent the last over 15 1/2 years with my husband every single day with him and now it's been 4 weeks since I've seen him. I'm having a hard time finding a reason to live anymore, I want to sleep all day long all because I can't see him and I only talk to him on the phone once a day ; ; I already shaved my head because of how depressed I've become over the past few weeks. I wish things would get better and I wished he didn't have to be gone for so long or gone at all. I miss him so much. I only have my cats now and they comfort me alot, but not enough to get rid of the horrible emptiness I have within me because of the love of my life being gone. His next trip will be for another 4 weeks again and after that it will be two weeks at a time. And when he comes home, it will only be for a couple days at a time. I'll be damn lucky for him to be home for 3 days straight but that won't happen that often at all. I want to break out crying right now because I can't handle living anymore without him. He's too much a part of my life. God I wished life would treat me alot better. I can't do this anymore and I can't do anything anymore without my husband. I just want to crawl into a hole and die.

Sai

you are a dick, just so you know

Dear life,
You're an absolute teme and kopele, you know. I know I'm not quite right in the head and I majorly socially retarded you did not need to through it in my face though, fantur. Now my whole class knows that Love has problems and can't actually be normal, ever.
-Love

Where did I got wrong in my life..? How did it get to the point you hardly talk to me...

Dear Diary,

I haven't had a job since August/early September and it's ticking me off, I'm not sure if i'm qualified for welfare and food stamps since I'm so young. My mom shouldn't of kicked me out for college.

All college gave me a was debt and misery. I owe them $5k even though financial aide only gave me $800 for the WHOLE YEAR.

I feel like I'm not that good enough to the working world, it only lasts for a week then I get fired for no reason.

My mom really needs to help me apply for welfare and food stamps.

Dear Dick,

I feel better for awhile after some happy time but dude chill out. I want to relax after work and stuff but I'm always moving or excited. jeeze man can't a guy just chill? It feels almost dependent. Maybe I should be blaming my Libido other than you. Perhaps you and him could have a one on one? And no plotting the next session! pfft hormones

You're right. You don't know.

And I have this gut feeling you wont ever know until you learn how to grow up.

-- Me

Dear brain:

Replaying the same songs over and over and over and over again...you're an idiot XD

-a very tired Espy

Dear Diary,
This is your beloved messes up kid. Anywho, all I have to day is would you please stop screwing me over. KK has been home for several days and I only got to see her fpr the Sketch-A-Thon. :( I shall advoid mentioning all other stuff you have done to screw me over in the past few days. I can; however, thank you for the Japanese songs getting here early.
-Love

dear you, you know what fuck you, fuck hindsite and fuck this, what kind of person takes a haitus away from /some/ friends? you know i have had some pretty shitty times of it and i know for a fact that i've been through the same damn thing as you and /worse/ so don't play the victim while softly chiding me for being unhappy, i actually thought you were my friend dude, this fucking hurts at least have the decency to /tell/ me you are having trouble don't just leave me behind to what you profile post and rp like nothing is wrong and hope i magically understand that it was not you neglecting me specifically but you neglecting me because you are hurt by someone else and all the while showing no sign of it
hindsite may be 20/30 but negligence is blind and so are you. you want to know why i want to break ties, huh? because if i gave you a chance you'd keep doing it, you did it before i knew you, you did it while i was putting down tenuous roots you did it all the way up until i sent you that note. even /i/ am not that stupid as to believe it


oh, and if you actually /do/ see this(which i highly doubt you will) i want you to know, if you are serious about your offer then get off line go sit down in a quiet room for ten minutes and think about how you really /feel/ about me and see if you still give a damn

Dear Internet,

You're a jackass.

Sincerely,
a very pissed and floundering high school student.

dear diary,
i wish there was a pause button on the world. or a way of saying "back off!" without coming across as a rude, self-centered brat. right now i'm not even sure i exist except as an extension of someone else. always x's friend, or y's sister, or z's daughter, and never, ever, EVER me. i don't make sense any more, not to anyone, even me. i think i've finally gone round the bend. welcome to Nutsville, population: Gracey.
right now it's all i can do to just hang on until the wedding, 'cause i CAN'T pull out now. i made a promise that i would support my best friends as they exchange their vows, and i'm going to honour that promise. but afterwards... afterwards, i don't know.
i feel like i'm missing some vital piece of information that'd make everything make sense. like i'm staring at an equation where all the constants are wrong and the variables are unfindable...
i wish i knew what to do, and where to look for help, but i think i'm beyond all that now.
i can't think any more, all i can do is feel, and all i feel is pain. i want it to go away.

Dear Diary,

You better not be sending me into relaspe. I don't need another slew of let us watch the freak and see if they flip. I know I'm not always right in the head but I don't think I'm taking a turn for the worse again. This teen isn't going to try to stop her life again, they are supposed to fixed.

-Love

Dear everything that is happened in my life,

May you all go die in fire and burn with a ever long lasting pit or pain and hate from me. . .I don't this time now and I don't want this time now. Also roommates please up after your selves now!

Love from an unstable Nikko.

Dear Self;

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up; this faking a smile and a laugh so other people won't worry. My entire life, I've worn this mask, smiling and grinning when I really want to scream and cry. Smiling just to get others to smile, faking a laugh so my friends and family won't worry. This mask and resolve used to be made of stone, but lately it feels like it's made of chalk and starting to crumble.

I don't want it to. As much as I'd love to be genuine and honest, I have to keep smiling. There are people who need that of me. How can I be the "cheer-up" person if I am a mess myself? I'm still trying, still smiling and laughing and being as sunshiny as possible, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up.

Dear self,

stop screwing around and get you act together you are going to lose the thing most dear to you if you don't so grow up act your age and stop being a selfish ass. Get a job that pays well and doesn't treat you like crap. Show her you care by not suffocating her cause all you are doing is pushing her away so please Me stop screwing around and grow up cause this is your last chance and you can mess it up.

Dear Diary,

I am starting to think that other people just can't be depended upon completely. If you want something done, you honestly have to do it yourself. What's the point in asking anyone for help if they're just going to let you down? It saves time and frustration to not even bother.
-Lillie

Dear Diary ,


She says im perfect and im sexy and im beautiful. Yet im alone again and life keeps making me feel the opposite. Why cant i just trust her and believe in her even though she left me. Why do i keep looking at myself like im useless and worthless.

sincerely,

an emotionally unstable obbie

Dear Diary-

Why can't he understand why I left?
Its not cause I don't love him, or cause I've found someone better.

Its cause the pain is just to much to handle.

Why can't he see that I can't wait for him to change... that it hurts to much... that all I want is for him to do this for him and not for me.

I know its hard, but he needs to wake up and find himself and love himself before he can try to love someone else.

Everyone has flaws, no one is perfect to a T, but everyone has their own personal views on perfect and someday he'll find someone that he'll treat right without even trying because she'll be his prefect and someday maybe he'll forgive me for all the pain.

One day he'll see that he isn't worthless, or useless.
One day he'll understand... Won't he?

I wish there was some way I could make everyone happy and take away everyones' pain.

-Miz.

Dear Boy,

I know I'm not supposed to be getting attached, but I feel as though I may end up doing so. I just wish you would start to get attached, I simply want to be able to claim you as my own and be able to fight off the others. I just want you to realize that I'm better than the other girls and I'm the one person who would not hurt you and simply looks out for your best interest. I really want you to notice that I don't like referring to you as just a toy or a video game, and the one achievement I want to unlock is dating you, but OH WELL. I'll milk this Friends With Benefits thing for all it's worth.

Love Me...

Dear Sleep;

Please come back. It's been three or four days without a good solid block of you. And when I do doze off to meet you, I'm plagued with nightmares that jolt me right back awake. Look, whatever I did, I'm sorry, okay? Just please let me sleep peacefully. No nightmares, no dreams, just sleep. I need it.

- Rinni


EDIT:

Dear Sleep;

It's me again. Thank you for complying! Though, why you had me dream about putting mods into Minecraft is beyond me. (( Not that I'm complaining; just happy I got to sleep ))

Dear self,
You are being uncommonly causloused and cold lately. Most people have it worse then you so suck it up and shut the hell up! You have a few health problems, so what? They're temporary and won't kill you. You have something you would rather be doing? Selfish bitch. You need to get out more and be human. Emotions are a switch, you need them to survive we can't all look at things 'logically'. Oh, and clean up your act, you slipped today and frowned. You also told someone you needed to be reminded to eat...stop telling them stuff, this is personal kept under lock and key. And what is this about telling someone about "The Shrink" and your little problem with never coming out of black? Stop telling them personal stuff you might get attached.
Sincerly, your angry self.

Dear Person,

I gave you my trust and all I asked for was a slight shred of yours. The fact that you couldn't trust me at all leads me to believe that you have no clue what you have done. A broken girl but her trust in you and you squashed it like a bug with no obvious remorse. When she tried to explain herself, you walked off. I wish I could have given you back your faith in the female gender, but alas, you failed to realize that a female who wouldn't hurt you to save her own life fell into your lap and pretty much asked you to trust her. I realize now that I'll end up alone, and I can deal with that fear, as long as you're happy in life that's all that matters...

Unfortunately Love,
Me...

Dear -

Why is it so hard to find the right path? Why can't I just find happiness? Why is something missing when he's gone... Will it always be this way? The choices ahead of me and the past behind me are all so confusing and painful. Sometimes I really wish I could just disappear. Maybe just pick up and move to a different place... Maybe...

Why is there a whole in my life... when I could move on and find someone that cares about me and for me and is everything I've ever wanted... why is it not enough unless its him? People say the hurt will pass and I'll move on... and find someone better. People say he was bad for me and mentally abusive... But my heart says different... My heart just wants him back. I want to fix "us" but I dunno if that will ever be. I miss him. So much... God what do I do....

Sometimes I wonder if the one I love so much cares about me. I know this person does but it isn't always apparent to me by actions. So I try my best to be patient. I love this person very very much, and want to be with this person. I know it's worth it, so I will be patient until the day we can meet in person.

Dear Self,

Why can't I just be honest with myself for once and choose the right thing? I'm exhausted of going back and forth...I just want a clear answer. I know what I must do, but why can't I muster the strength to do it? Why do I give in and just pretend things are normal and dandy when they are not? I need to stop hiding from the truth and just accept it, even if it hurts the one I love, I need to be true to myself.

Dear Army,
HAH! I win. you can't get me for being fucked up this time. I hereby invite you to inspect me anytime. I'm ready for you.
::dusts off dress uniform::

Dear - - -

Seriously? I'm only one person. I understand that you want me to be her. And maybe one day I will be. But she has two years on me. I'm learning, and I'm trying. I'm sorry that I'm not everything you were expecting.