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Dear ...
How could you do this to me? You know how much I love you... Why would you? You know how important Rent and Bills are to me, you know I always make sure they're taken care of... For you to call me and ask to spend the rent in that way, was wrong. For you to do it anyway when I said no was worse. And now you've taken off with the rest of it and are threatening to not come back... You know losing you would destroy me. You know how important you are to me, and how much I love you, and now you just want to up and leave me because we had a fight. That's not fair to me, you won't even hear me out... I don't know where you are or who you're with, but I really hope you come home so we can talk about this... I can't stand to lose you and if I do, I'm scared of what might become of me... |
To my future self:
I never want you to forget this moment, neither this date nor this time, which is on the bottom right in case you forget. Today is your paradox, your turning point. It is your pint of ale of legacy. After being rejected by a love you never really wanted you understand it now, today. After coming out of a depressing grey into a luscious Autumn in December, you now know this: that you need nothing to be happy, but to be satisfied with yourself. Whether you serve or be served to, or whether you love or hate, please be satisfied with what you are for you are me, and I am ready to tell you that the only thing on your hands is your world. You serve yourself in pursuit of the truth. With the blessing of the uncorrupted vision of your God, your spirit walks with you, so long as you have your resolve. So when you're feeling down, read me again. You have power, and will for all time. |
Dear Job,
Thank you for liking me and willing to keep me for this period of time, I appreciate all the work that I get and give. I'm still excited and astounded with the withstand time I've been with this corporation. With thanks, Kaitlin (that's my real name, it's lame) P.S. I shall have you 32gb Wifi + 3G Ipad Generation 1 for $399 (then add the 20% employee Discount) to $320. You shall be mine |
Dear various people,
Leave me the fuck alone over this frivolous bullshit. Its the fucking internet. You don't seem to care enough to listen or take in consideration my feelings, so I am done trying to be reasonable. I wish to drop the conversation. Let the person decide what is best for them. If that means a life with out a certain idea or item then so be it. You do not know the entire story, I have my reasons for being angry. Leave me the fuck alone. |
Dear ---
You have cause many problems and are rather annoying to me and I need to step up and do stuff or I am leaving. Loves me. |
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Dear Ex Who Won't Leave Me Alone,
No matter how many times you beg me to come back to you, I won't. I don't love you anymore. You are selfish, immature, and irresponsible. I won't be a part of that anymore, so please leave me alone. I now like someone else. |
Dear Paranoia,
I got you about two years ago and you have screwed my life up since. I cant have a deceint happy relationship because of you. You come on every other day or multipy times in one day. Your causing me to think thoughts and pull away from the one I care about. You have hindered the trust i have for a certain someone even though he hasnt done anything. Someone else caused you to grow and you should have disappeared when he did. Paranoia you cause me to doubt everyday and because of you i am afraid to tell. Tell how paranoid i am and let out my true feeling because the fear of being hurt. You are cauing me to throw my life down the towlet and i dont know how to get rid of you. I dont want to go crazy but i also dont want people and that speical someone to think i am crazy. you are so small yet so large, please go away and let me live my life. From, Broken emotions. |
To: Self
You know what? you just need to slow down and just chilll. for a sec. don't worry about what people think about you or how you did on that test or what you're going to do next semester if you don't find a job. Just chill out and relax. The semester's almost over and you'll see your family. Sincerely: tired, overworked body and mind |
dear self
stop worrying you are doing fine just listen to the person saying it and trust them cause if you dont you will push them away you are changing little by little for the better and hell trust in yourself cause you are awesome and need to open up to others more and show them you are a good person who can be some on they want to be friends with sincerely a stress, depressed, and worried obbie |
Dear Diary,
I'm tired, and i've been tired for a long, long time. Not sad, not happy, not angry. Just simply tired. I long for someone to bite and cut and love. My obscure vision of love costs me proper socialization. I suppose i've never had a good grip on socialization anyway. I love and hate people, i love them for their laugh, or their ambition, or their sense of humour. And i hate them for that. I hate loving absolutely everyone i know. My ears throb and my eyelids droop. I can't do this much longer. Eventually, i know i'm going to break. Whether it's pills or loss of blood or sleep deprivation, i don't care. I want it. I want to sleep and never wake up, there's still so much for me to dream. |
Dear One Who Always Makes Me Smile,
Thank you greatly for providing me with proof that I am lovable. Thank you for dealing with me when I say or do something remotely stupid. Thank you for being there when I need cuddles or when I just plain don't want to deal with people. Thank you for being my reason to smile and my reason to laugh. I thank you with all my heart for showing me that no matter what face I see in the mirror, you see the me that I should strive to be. I want to thank you for giving me reason to do my best and be the best that I can be, even if it came a little late for this semester. I must thank you as well for being as amazingly awesome as you could possibly be. So thank you Love, I owe you my sanity and my happiness... Love you, Me! |
Dear Diary.
Ive been so stressed lately, worrying over things that dont mean anything. But still worrying not the less. Because of the stress my eyes have been having uncontrolable twitches and having hiccups multipule times in one day. Its hightly annoying at work, which is one stress factor in its own. I know im good at what i do, and my coworking and manager tell me i am great. But i still worry every day that im going to lose my job and its so hard to get another one in this economy. Another part of my stress is coming from final grades that will be coming out, i just want to pass everything so i can be done quicker and get out of here. And finally my relationship...not only with the guy i like but everyone else. Again like work, i am afraid one day he'll walk up to me and tell me he had made a big mistake with being with me. Now my relatonship with my friends dont help this factor at all. the one friend i cared acout the most was against this relationship the most. with not having my friends support, its make me worry able even talking about him. while she goes on and on about her boyfriend. I stay quiet, when all i want to do it shout from the roof tops that im so happy being with him and prove it to the world. Im getting torn up inside because i can express what i want. because people will just get mad at me. Some times i think itd just be easier if i disappeared without telling anyone. I have the car..i have the money...i have gps. it sounds so easier but yet so hard. From..A Nobody |
Dear Self...
I know it may seem like the end of the world sometimes, but just remember it could be worse. Currently you've got the sweetest boyfriend ever, the best friends in the world, and a place you really do call home. Even if you're stuck in what is sometimes a hell hole, you've only got about two weeks and then it's back home to the people who care and love you...So hang in there, even when the walls start crashing in... Sincerely Me |
Dear Me,
Dont freak out,Christmas is coming and you have everyone covered. Even though your fathers side hates you mothers side ,and you may be cut in halve to make it to bothparties, dont worry. Remember your getting that punching bag for a reason(hope it gets here soon). GOOD LUCK. _LOST_ (extreamly lost) |
Dear cold,
FUCK OFF. I don't want to be sick on Christmas. ;-; I hate being sick at all but seriously. On Christmas. q_q |
Dear Me...
CHILL OUT!!!...This time next week you'll be home and enjoying the company of the most adorably sweet guy ever. I know right now the family is starting to fall apart thanks to your sister hitting that rebellious almost 18 stage, but that is no reason to go back to that horrid dark place. You have people who care and will help you through it. As for your sister, she can go do whatever she wants, it doesn't involve you so there... Sincerely, The one who just wants to be around her friends... Hey You!, Calm down...calm down...I know it's hard right now and your stupid phobia of being alone is starting to get to you, but really...calm down... I know right now you're feeling very much alone, if only because in all physicality you really are alone. I know it's hard to remember what not being alone feels like right now, but that's just because the phobia is kicking in. I know you think it's not fair that it seems as though everyone else gets to be happy on New Years and you're probably gonna be stuck with your family, absolutely miserable, having to put on a happy face, and wishing you were somewhere else. I also know though that if he could you'd be there with him, but he can't deal with it...this time next week you'll be home and all will be right in your head. But I know it's really hard right now because you can't help but feel alone and lost and upset. I know it's hard to watch your family fall apart from the inside and I know it feels like the end of the world that nothing is as it used to be. I know that used to, you could go to your house and actually feel as though it were home, but not anymore. Now it feels more a prison that keeps you from the things that make you truly happy, and the people that really care. I know it's hard to know that the one place that feels like Home is 3 hours to the west and the one person that can always make you smile is 2 hours to the southeast and not being able to see either of them. I know this is gonna be the hardest week for you simply because you only have one week before you are truly happy and smiling again. I also know this week is gonna be hard thanks to your sister deciding it was time she rebelled and questioned all authority. I know this is the worst time to have a break down, when no one is around or available to help walk you through it and keep you from doing something stupid, but you mustn't. You must be strong and hope that simply writing this all out to yourself and then posting it to get it out with help. You must be strong and know that it would upset him to know that you allowed him to believe you were okay only to do something you'll regret later. So don't do it, don't seek what you want to seek right now. Simply find something to keep your mind off your loneliness. Stay calm and think positive. Be strong and enjoy the peace. Sincerely, The voice inside your head... |
Dear Dad,
I you could be here for all of the important things you are missing, but I know you are with me. Sorry for not visiting yesterday, I kind of forgot... A first for me huh? I love and miss you Devon |
Dear self,
Way to forget about what day it was not two days ago for someone very special to you and not being there for them. Just add it to the list of shortcomings. Already a mile long, what does one more matter? When she reads this she will likely say something to you about it, but meh, it is how you feel. You need to try and let go of that list you have though, at least a lot of it since most of it was put there by your dad and stepmom, both of whom you could never quite do right by unless it was exactly their way. Never mind that they left you with a number of mental scars, such as always feeling the need to apologize since it doesn't seem like anything you do could ever be right or good enough. The physical marks (as few as they were and as long as they lasted) were nothing compared to that little constant reminder in the back of your head. I don't even know why I bother typing this, but whatever. You are done with them, and never have to deal with that again. Enjoy what you have now and make sure that you take care of the ones you truly love and cherish. Sincerely, The Voice in the Back of Your Head |
Dear Mom,
There is a reason why I have not visited you. It was not work. You can not take care of your kids, you can not take care of yourself and I will not watch you drown in bottles of Merlot slowly committing suicide. You are unaware just how much psychological damage you have actually done to your children. You are suppose to be the provider, not a thief, not a pathological liar, you don't deserve my trust. Certainly not my love. I don't speak much, my self esteem is all but non existent. However I will smack the shit out you. I am sick of you hurting my father. You left us, how dear you have the gal to come back. None of your children want you back. Dear Father, There are some things faith can not fix. Go find yourself a woman that goes to church and listen to your fucking kids once and a while. Even the one that isnt biologically yours cares more about you then that woman. And you always seem to help her. This isn't love. Dear New year: You aren't turning out so good. At least let me have another job by my birthday. Dear Ice cream: While I enjoy spoiling myself you were a bad idea. |
Dear ---,
Some times I feel you are lair. . . .you tell me things and promise me something and I wait. But I get nothing. . . .so in away I feel like you are lying to me keep me close to you and not flee from you. You hold out something like a child I will wonder over to you wanting to having once I get close enough you pull your hand away petting me on the head softly telling me it will be okay and I can have another one later. I sit by you nodding some I tell you all my problems in hopes of some small help in the end you do it again. I don't know what to think of you, I try and smile nod listen. I worry and hope wish nothing more for you but in the end I feel like the small child you have made so many promises to and then took it all away. . . .should I continue to believe in you or should I just walk my path away like I should. . . .what will happen. . . .when I do that? Sign, Nikko. . .ever unknowing of who you really are. . . |
Without reading the first page, I decide to jot down just a random segment of idea today. Why? Why not. It's easier than remembering what my journal's name was, or making a document for it. Sometimes when I want to write, my impatience kills it. Although that can be applied to more than just writing. I digress.
Today, I failed to make myself coconut butter. In turn my vegan-attempted fudge is failing me, but it's still tasty. I had to try at least once with the incorrect kind of coconut. Okay, it was genuinely the exact opposite of what it required. Lesson learned. But now I will know not to try that variation again. And that's the point for me, isn't it? I have to at least see once what can and cannot be substituted. Although, my failure fudge will be fantastic when I find the future fun ingredients that freely flow as they should in food. So, just because I wanted to. Oh, I found today my emotions are much more controlled giving me better perspective today. Which is a rarity for me. I hope I have more of these days to come. I hope my mom can find a day like this for herself too, and cherish it as a new beginning for herself. She needs it too. I may come back here again. Who knows. My apologies, dear diary if I do not. I don't stick to journals for too long, although I likely need it more than I care to admit. |
Dear Me...
For one, stop listening to sad and depressing songs thinking it's going to cheer you up, it never does, you're just lying to yourself about that...Seriously, stop torturing yourself stupid...It doesn't exactly matter much anyways, you're having one of those days where the silence is your worst enemy because it leaves you with your thoughts. I'm sorry he can't tell you're a little upset, he's busy having fun and it's not like you're massively upset, you're just hating the silence. It's not fair to yourself if you keep trying to cheer up with sad songs, it's not like it's ever gonna help ANYTHING. Cheer up on your own or listen to happy songs, maybe that will work...(although I doubt you will)...Better yet, just go back to yours stupid sad songs, you'll cry about it later anyways...the stupid silence always makes you do that... Oh well, I'm tired of trying... The other me... |
Dear diary
I got engaged, I think the words pretty damn happy describe it.... Now to tackle the test of telling the Parents. |
Dear self,
Today you found out from your doctor you are Schizophrenic and must take medication everyday for the rest of your life, huzzah! D: |
Dear Self;
....stop being so down on yourself. You aren't half as bad as you think This whole fluctuating personality thing, though...this worries me. Just an hour ago, you were laughing and mirthful and just chock-full of childish glee. And now here you are, tired and depressed. It wasn't gradual either. You really need to go talk to someone. And stop worrying about bothering everyone else; worry about yourself for a change. I mean, seriously. It's been pointed out before that you need to get past this. And I am in full agreement. Sincerely; A More Rational Version of You |
Lionhat-
I am yours. I am yours because you have me wrapped around your little finger. I mean, obviously, since I’ve staying up ridiculous hours to hang out with you at the library and since I try to spend so much of my time together. You are the one guy I want to date, that I have these feelings for, and that I smile just at the thought of. I'm afraid I might be falling for you. |
Dear ---,
I wonder what is like to live with out and with you? I need help. . . .I know I do. . . I am fucked some where and I don't know what to do any more. . . . help me someone anyone. . . . long dying with in my own mind, Nikko |
Dear Dahlia,
Stop being afraid of your love of your country background. So what if you have days where country music is all that will cheer you up? Deal with it and let it shine! To quote a great song... "I feel no shame I'm proud of where I came from I was born and raised in the boondocks One thing I know No matter where I go I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks You get a line, I'll get a pole We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole Five-card poker on a Saturday night Church on Sunday morning" Live by that Dahlia! Live by it and let it ring true! The Country Girl Hidden Inside You! |
Dear Obbie,
Try and be strong you can get through this. You need this job to support the person you love and yourself. This stress might be killing you but you can get through it just remember she will be there to help you and support you. Cause you know you need it now Stay strong and dont freak out Obbie you are better than that. |
Dear Self,
I don't even know how to talk to you. I'm not sure how to even want to. |
Dear Self,
You accidentally reposted. |
Dear Diary~
I'm failing math. I'm really nervous because I don't want to go to a summer school, and I don't want to be held back or anything. On a lighter note, a guy I really like hung out with me in gym. We ran on the treadmills together and we kept messing around with each other's treadmills. We would hit the fast button or make it stop suddenly, and we were laughing so hard. |
Dear Self,
Well, you really screwed up this time. Not only have you strained your personal life, but it took things getting to this point for you to realize there is a problem. You need help! You need to talk to someone and work through the scars that your father left you with and confront them so you don't end up turning into him! Eating yourself alive will only leave a hollow shell, and in the process you are becoming the very person you swore to yourself that you would never turn into. -Your Voice of Reason |
Dear self,
please stop contemplating suicide. Mike loves you. He says he wants to grow old with you. I know you're hurt that he questioned your love, but he's only human. him debating dumping you after nearly 4 years is a large hurt in your heart, but you have to get over it. or at least move on. please eat something without throwing up. Please sleep. please stop crying constantly. please stop staring dead-eyed into space refusing to think of anything. please stop associating everything with Mike, and how he hurt you. how he can't possibly know just how much he hurt you. telling him will only hurt him, and you would never ever hurt him. please stop replaying the words "I don't know if I'm staying with you because I love you or because I'd feel too guilty if I dumped you" over and over. It's not helping, and he's realized he was only thinking that because of stress. just... stop it. you're only hurting yourself. over and over and over. It's like you're sticking a knife in and out of your arm. it just makes it worse every time. speaking of knives, please stop debating cutting. you haven't done it in years. mike would be devastated if you started again because of what he said. you can't change the past. you can't change what he said. just continue to love him and work on things to make him happy. just stop thinking of how much it hurt when he said he wasn't sure if he loved you. Sincerely, the logical part of your brain. |
Dear me.
Eventually you're going to have to choose, ya know. Either stay with the one you care for deeply and accept the long distance, or back off from her and have a closer relationship with someone else who's special. I don't think you can have both. Even if they both accept it for now it's not fair to either one. -Serra |
Dear self,
It seems like no matter what you do you can't not get in trouble. You got banned from a sport you love for defending someone. I know it isn't fair or right but you have to deal with it. So please stop crying and pull yourself together before Alpha gets back with the car because I don't want people to so you like this. Crying isn't something you do often, and lately it has been the things you enjoy doing making you do it. |
Dear ---, I do enjoy your company when I do get to see but when I see you, and how you tell me you have missed me and say you are sorry for curtain things that have happened with you it's fine. But then to later on tell how you are mine but then again in away your not so I understand. But please don't tell me these things. Don't say these things to me if you can't be really who you are. Please don't poke fun at feelings. . . .I have had it done enough in the past with other people I was close with I don't need it now, it hurts and bring up memories I know will make think back to all I have lost. But from what I have lost I gained. . . .I think I just tired of thinking of you saying you care when you don't. . Sign, Nikko I am the manry-est of men! |
Dear self,
They weren't you friends so don't bother any one who states that you are 'the main drama causing bitch' in so many words isn't worth your time. Just got to learn to deal with it, because when they end up having problems you don't have to be there for them. You have people who do care, and that is what matters. |
Dear ex-crush,
I heard your wannabe girlfriend dumped you. Is that why you've been showing me so much attention? Your not-so-happy rebound, Fallen |
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