Oh wow.

Understand the feeling, I blame myself for losing my son and daughter. I got hurt when I was pregnant with twins and went into labor prematurely. They came and survived for a short time, but they werent strong enough to make it long. I never even got the chance to hold them.

Oh wow my condolences.

Thank you, as time goes by it gets a little easier to deal with. I don't think I will ever forgive myself though

It makes sense.

Katara it isn't your fault... But i understand your guilt. People take things upon themselves when there is something that destroys their life that they can't control.

Thank you, its nice to know there is someone who understands

-Hugs Katara-

My father committed suicide before I turned 15. I understand taking guilt upon yourself because for the first two years after his death I blamed myself because the night before my parents had an arguement, my dad, who is an ex cop, drew a loaded gun at my mom waving it around drunk while I sat in my room scared, and the cops showed up because of the noise. I asked to go some where else for the night and I can't even remember the last words to my dad. He hung him self while my mother was in the shower the next morning, and I was at a friends house because I didn't want to look at my dad because of what he did.

Oh no Tiva.

Yay! I gets a hug! And apparently a dork stamp for my four year old... lol

What?

She lightly smacked my forward yelling Dork Stamp Momma your a dork now

I sorry Tiva, I can't imagine having to go through something like that.

Thats cute and neither can I.

-hugs for Tiva-

-Hugs for Tiva-

*hugs Tiva tightly* I can't even imagine that honey that is so sad!

very sad

Eh just a statement of how I understand. It doesn't bother me now, considering I was all but perfectly fine yesterday. I actually forgot it was that until that night.

Your an incredible strong person Tiva

Ahhhh I see.

I am not strong, i sunk into depression for close to a year. Then a couple of things happened, one we moved houses, two one of the graduating class died of cancer, and three another of my friends accidentally got part of his left thumb shot off. I had barely passed a class the first semester after and failed my english class the second semester after because a lot of my work was 'too depressing and repetitive' because i talked about my Dad's suicide. At that point I had basically decided that it was life, my Dad was gone and I couldn't bring him back I could either sink down in depression and join him or I could live my life to make him proud. I chose the second because of not wanting to leave my Mom with nothing, she had buried her husband and her father in less than a year I didn't want her to bury her only true child also. I don't consider myself strong, I consider myself to be human.

What most people find weird is that I can sit there and talk about it. Like I have to tell my RA at school why if we are in dorm I may be really quiet, or a professor why I can't watch a suicide in a movie.

Its more than what I can say, I lost my little ones in Jan of 2009 and I'm no where near that. If it hadn't been for my oldest daughter already being here giving me a reason to get up everyday I wouldn't be here. It was the fact that at that time I was the only thing she had and I couldn't leave her without anyone at 2 years old that kept me going.

Oh wow.

Losing a little one does horrible things to parent's heart...

See Katara, that is kind of the reason I chose to live. I couldn't leave my Mom with no one there. And one day you will be able to except that it happened, and nothing you could have done that day would have changed that... trust me, you can't change what Fate planned. I have gone over a million what ifs in my head, and it all comes out to this, would your life be different? Yes. But would it be what you have now? Maybe. I know I would have never met Alpha if it hadn't happened, and though I wish my Dad could meet him I know that something horrible lead to something good. Just think about what good has come from your life after it? Maybe getting closer to your husband or spending more time with your daughter?

I have gotten closer to him, and we have had a second little one afterward. I just keep looking at my babies and thinking how blessed I am to have at least them.

That is the better way to think about it.

I keep saying that my oldest is my reason for waking up in the morning and my youngest is the reason I get out of bed. lol Otherwise I become their favorite trampoline

Lol that sounds really funny. But human trampolines are not fun at all I've had bruises on my stomach cause my cousins little kids decided to try that.....

When my youngest does it, its not that bad. She is only 18mos old she she jumps, lands and then usually just cuddles. The four year old is the one that you have to watch out for. I've had the bruises and a black eye

Ouch that sucks.

I've never had a black eye but my cousins kids are 3 and a half almost four and three and it is painful when they decide I'm a tampoline

I love looking at tattoos and learning of the story behind them (if any) cause it's all just fascinating to me. :3
However, I don't foresee myself getting a tattoo anytime soon unless I have a real reason to get one, other than for the sake of having one. This is because since tattoos is the injecting of ink into one's skin, unless it has some sort of real meaning I don't think I'd want to live with it forever or pay lots of money later on just to have it removed via laser. :3

Personally I would rather be their jungle gym then their trampoline

I agree jungle gym is much less painful

That it is.

And my cousins kids are not the smallest of kids they aren't fat just both large for their age aka very tall

They are aren't they.