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Bruises and Not Enough Lovin'
Yeah... that pretty much sums up my love life at the moment. Before anyone starts freaking out about the title, no, I'm not being abused. Not on purpose anyway.
The problem - which I've been having to deal with for a long time now - is with my boyfriend's playfulness. He likes to mess around, tickle, wrestle, pick me up, etc. However, he plays with me like he would with another guy, and he doesn't seem to realize that I am, in fact, a very, very weak girl who bruises very, very easily. The bruises don't show up on my skin, or else I might have some proof to give to him. When I tell him that he's hurting me, he gives me attitude that clearly says "that's bullshit," and continues to do it. I've had to sit down and talk with him about it, and he seemed to understand at the time, but every time he eventually forgets and it happens all over again. It's getting frustrating and I'm almost afraid to let him touch me anymore. And speaking of touching me... he never does. Not in any good way, other than playing around. I'm not sure what happened, but it seems like he's lost all interest in sexing or even hugging and cuddling. When I've asked him about it he says that there's nothing wrong, but that still doesn't explain why we've been practically celibate for over two weeks, and it makes me think that I'm doing something wrong. All he really does is treat me like I'm one of the guys. Doesn't sit well with me, because while I do like goofing around at times, at heart I just want to be treated like a girl and, more importantly, like a lover. Meh... So I suddenly felt the need to vent all of this because just now I had to shout at him to stop punching me, and he's acting like a kicked puppy. I feel bad, but I'm not going to apologize because I know that if I do he'll take it as a green light to start it up again. And also I'm sore all over, and I'm pretty sure I know why, even if there aren't any bruises to prove it... |
:( That sucks. I wish I could give you really good advice but I'm of the push-over variety.
I can talk to him for you if you like? :3 Not that I know him or anything. Maybe try and take him out on a nice date, dress up, that sort of thing? |
Meh, I took him out on all of our dates so far. ;; I wanna be spoiled for once! I actually told him that I wanted to go on a date about a week ago, and it seems he's already forgotten. -_-
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Garrett says, "get kinky." But he's a boy.
Well you said you've already talked with him. I really wish I had better advice. ;-; I'm still gonna come and see you soon. We'll have fun, I'll spoil you. And I know nothing about Nampa so you can show me all the ropes. The last time I took my friend Kim home in Nampa, I got so lost trying to get to the freeway, I ended up following a semi-truck. I can however, always find the same walgreens. |
Well, there's not a whole lot to Nampa, so the ropes to show will be few. I am an expert in getting to the highway though... and getting the hell outta here! =3
And yeah, tell Garrett that his advice is sound, but unfortunately I've got myself the one man in the world who's afraid of kink. =/ Just my luck!! |
This kinda of reminds me of an article that my friend sent me once about how men are pretty much child men for a period of their lives where all they want to do is play video games and live at home. I know this might not be your guy. You could try and turn this on him and do things by your terms. What I mean by this is take his game and turn it on him. If he's physically stronger Im not sure how this would work but it was an idea that popped up in my head.
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Are their any sort of things (like a kink or fetish) that turns his gears in a good way I mean cause if he does you can use those to your advantage like role-playing stuff. They have a tendency to spice things up.
*hugs you out of sympathy for being inactive in at least 2 weeks* And by my view (and experience) he's waiting for you to be dominate over him. I know that the latter one sucks but it's something that you can think of or give it a thought. |
Hmm... video games... stays at home... Sounds a little familiar. =P But then again, I'm kind of the same way. It only looks like I've got more responsibility cuz I'm a neat freak and I gots a job.
And LAWL, I can just picture us trying to do sexy roleplaying. We'd end up feeling dumb and turn into flailing roflcopters. I'm usually the dominant one, but I wish I wasn't. ;; He probably needs a firmer hint than the subtle ones that I've been giving - I pretty much have to say "I want to fuck" for him to really get it. |
Wow, not sure what i can say to all that really except hang in there.
Are you sure you had a real version of The Talk??? Not meaning to be rude or anything but guys don't always know when the conversation's turned serious, and my boyfriend often seems to ignore what i say too, though i get spoiled rotten by him to make up for it. Maybe what you need to do is sit him down, no distractions whatsoever, and make it quite clear that you are serious, that this is a problem, and that it needs sorting and he needs to listen to your views? I mean a good, long heart-to-heart where everyone's level-headed and attentive. |
Now, I'm not all wise or anything, but, I do have a bit of relationship experience under my belt.
I wouldn't try talking to him again, you laid out your plans last time. Also, I'm not gonna say role play, it can be expensive after a while. Instead, why don't you try turning those play fights into supersmexyfuntime? It wouldn't hurt to try, if you haven't already. ^_^ |
Unfortunately many guys are like this, but as long as you keep communicating I'm sure that eventually you'll get past this and come to a solution that's good for both of you. Like Desmond suggest, maybe you could try turning one of the wrestling matches into something sexy, maybe let him pull off some clothes or do that to him... That's what I'd try at least. Good luck with whatever you try though :3
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Has there been any progress?
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Every once and awhile, men don't want to have sex. It has a lot to do with getting too much of a good thing and the way that porn has come to affect the libidos of men. However, it could also be because the sex is becoming boring for him. Do you guys do the same thing all the time? That's a good indicator that you should spice things up.
Role playing isn't necessary, and I wouldn't suggest it as your first attempt to spice up your relationship. You could, however, surprise him by wearing something sexy. Maybe throw on some thigh high stockings, heels and a skimpy pair of underwear and lounge out on his bed until he finds you. You could also just attack him in the doorway with demanding kisses and playful hands. As far as the playful hitting goes... If he doesn't understand that he needs to be gentler with you, then you need to make him understand. If it's getting to the point where you don't want him touching you then you need to tell him that. Be blunt and honest. |
Well, I had a little bit of a talk with him (it's hard to talk seriously with him about this kind of stuff because I think it's embarrassing for him), and it turns out there was miscommunication on both ends. As far as the sex thing, he says he's tried at times, but like him and his video games, when I'm stuck in front of the computer writing or drawing I just can't be bothered with anything else and I'm oblivious to the guy hanging off me trying to get me to pay attention. ;; So we figured out that we're both pretty clueless and subtlety won't work - we have to say outright that we want it.
With the hitting thing, I had another talk with him and showed him a bruise that started forming on my back that shows an almost perfect mark of where his arms would go when he's squeezing me. When he gets too rough, I over-exaggerate saying "ow!" or whatever, and he backs off. It's funny that I have to use the same tricks for training a puppy to train my boyfriend, but meh. Whatever works. |
No offense to the guys on here (we girls can be the same) but guys can be like that. You'd be amazed how many the term puppy-dog can apply to ^.^
It's good you two are starting to communicate better. Now to get a handle on my own boyfriend ¬_¬ |
my dad's one of those guys, too, who seem to think that physical abuse (because that's what it really is) is a sign of affection. and if you tell him it hurts, he gives you a look, or says 'bullshit. i'm not doing it that hard.' it's something i had to grow up with. he'd just walk by and punch you in the arm or the leg. it got to the point where you tried to avoid being within arm's reach of him. -so, where that's concerned, i know what you mean and can sympathize. there's really not much i can think to tell you to do because every time i've ever said anything to my dad, he got mad and defensive. and i've even gotten the line 'fine! i'll never touch you again! will that make you happy?!' which lasted for about a month...
as for the intimacy part... some guys take 'breaks'. my husband's like that. things can be great for a while, then we'll drop down to once a week-if we're lucky. and he's not a very touchy person, either. hell, i'm lucky if i get foreplay most times... |
I had the same problem, Dolly. xD; Most guys see me as .. well.. a guy. I'm not a girly girl in the LEAST. [Unless you count being girly about my hair-- then, and only then, am I a girl xD] You need to just keep repeatedly telling him that its not doing you any good. If its seriously hurting you, you need to get that into his head and maybe he'll stop.
Or one day, just flash him and be all "LOOK. I HAVE TITS." And maybe then he'll realize you're a female, and not one of the guys? |
I find it interesting that you both felt like that. See, I've dated a Gamer before. Granted not a HUGE one, but, still a gamer. And we had no problem when it came to that. At all.
Then again, I wasn't much a Gamer and was the one trying to distract them from the games. XD |
*points to Batty's post* I know where that line came from, the one in quotes XD
Men are like dogs, we really are. Not in a bad way, but the simplest of clues, the things you think you shouldn't HAVE to say? Are the only things you really need to say. Telling us "Dude, knock it off, that hurts a bit."? Ticks in our brain as "Aww they dun wanna play." Like when you tell a puppy to stop pissin on yer couch. If you, instead, use a trigger word(Like "OW!"), and show us what we've done, face-on(AKA, the bruise) we start to listen. We're like puppies that way. |
And to see my own boyfriend admit that? Is wonderful. xDD; And BAHAHAHAHA. xDD;
Anyway.. -ahem- Hermes has a point. You just really need to be blunt about it. -needs to take a lesson in following her own advice- |
Hermes you are totally right there, only we had a massive argument about something else entirely, i burst into tears, and when he tried to comfort me i started crying harder saying that he didn't think that i'm a girl, that he plays too rough . . . basically i acted like a total girl.
It worked though, even if i am ashamed that it happened. And Batty, i have that problem with my image. I'm always the girl that can be one of the guys. I think that's what causes the problems. |
It happens to me all the damn time. Most of the guys I was interested in the past never registered me as a female I was just you know, that one chick over there with the GIRLY PARTS, who acted more like a tomboy, than a girl. And PFT, how is that attractive? Luckily for me, I found the one. I need not worry about that kind of crap anymore. <3
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Me? Right about men?
Preposterous! |
That may be the problem, I don't act very feminine most of the time - And I don't fill out an A cup, so there isn't much tit there to flash at him. ;; THAT'S IT! The solution is that I need implants. D<
But yeah, I have noticed that when I yell like I'm in pain and get all teary-eyed he stops messing with me, but when I laugh and tell him to knock it off he seems to think that my laughing means that I'm enjoying myself. I've tried to explain to him that saying "no" during sex and saying "no" when someone's punching you means different things entirely, but apparently that's too confusing for him. =P |
-points to chest- 36A. xD; They're still tatas. And they're still vonderful. xD;
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My breasts are rather small too but big enough that I'm sure they would still attract enough attention if flashed. I dunno Cupcake, sometimes lovers can be kind of thick :P
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Ahaha, it's the itty-bitty titty committee up in here. x3 I weigh in at 34A... Probably AA if I leave out padding. I bet other girls never have these kinds of problems. They can probably just crush men between their cleavage to keep them in line.
And as expected, he's going back to playing rough with me. ;; Old puppies really can't learn new tricks, it seems. I think part of the problem may be that he doesn't really have any guy friends to hang around with either. He moved from another city to live with me, so all of his friends are half an hour away by car... and neither of us has a car. I may need to just tough it out until I'm driving and can take him to play with his friends from time to time. |
Hey hey. I'm trying with the guy friend thing. And you have that computer guy over!
:p |
You know how guys like to roughhouse and do... I dunno. Guy stuff. All the testosterone and whatnot. The computer guy isn't the messing around type... He's just kinda creepy and awkward.
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It does sound like he needs someone to help get all those roughousing instincts out, preferably not on you Cupcake. Maybe a local park or something, you might find some sports buddies for him?
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I can't join the club girls, i'm nearly a D-cup -.-'
Causes more trouble sometimes than they're worth i think. Still, it begs the question how i can have these and guys still think of me as a guy! I think it's my attitude; i do have a kind of piss-me-off-and-you're-way-deader-than-dead thing going on . . . Except my darling boyfriend, who does think of me as a girl, until he starts roughhousing again. I'm feisty, but i ain't that feisty. |
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