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I don't know what to do...
I'm at my end here... I don't even know where to start... My boyfriend is a WoW addict. He's been playing it on and off for years. There's been times when it bothers me and when it doesn't. It only bothers me when it messes with our relationship and right now it is. I try so hard to explain it to him but it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. He uninstalled the game and deleted all of it off his computer for a while then I find out he's playing it again. I asked him why he redownloaded it because he knows when he did uninstall/delete it I was crying that day. He tells me, "We'll talk later, we'll talk later." His friend then says, "Why is she being such a bitch?" and my boyfriend didn't say anything in my defense. I had to tell him to say something because he yells at me when I make fun of his friends. He starts telling me WoW isn't a problem, I just make it into one because apparently I expect him to spend all his time with me which isn't true... 95% of the time we're together doing stuff he wants to get on WoW. His guildmates even tell him, "Just play and talk to her at the same time." It wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't worried that he'd leave me for some WoW chick and that he doesn't constantly forget that 'I exist'. He 'forgets' that we've been talking, for several hours, he 'forgets' we're supposed to hang out. I'm honestly starting to feel that he's just gonna find someone else on WoW. This is upsetting me to no end right now, I'm crying. He wants me to leave something that I've been part of for almost three years now and something that I love then he'll quit WoW. How is that fair to me...? I feel at this point that we should break up but how do you break up with someone you've been in love with for three years...? How do you break up with someone you're in love with period. We've been calling each other fiance for a few months which makes me so happy but I'm so hurt right now. I know all the "He's not worth it." and "Find better" speeches. So please spare me. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm really not but I need real advice. I don't want to hear, "Break up with him." even though I know you'll all say that and I know it's the right thing to do. I just can't... I'm in love with him so deep and I'm just a weakling... Please. Help? WoW is World of Warcraft, fyi. |
he's prolly not going to find a lover he's in it for the game rsh, and if you think about it it /is/ fair that you'd give up something as important to you as that is for him if he has to give it up
he ma be in the rwrong but from the sound of it you are willing to be just as wrong as he is if you need to leave him do but take a week first to /try/ and understand his side, otherwise you are just giving up << also tell his friends to eat dick |
I'm guessing you don't want to play WoW, then? (Not that I blame you but that's something else.)
Sometime, if possible, go somewhere out of the house and talk about it. I know you're upset about it but the best thing is to not be too accusatory about it. People get addicted to things and it can be very hard to get away. I'd recommend talking about limits, or having a schedule where it's okay for him to play. From what has been said I wouldn't suggest trying to get him to stop completely right now... As for him asking you to give up something you love so that he will give up WoW...that's kind of low. Compromises should be something beneficial to both, and that just isn't it. I don't know exactly what else to suggest...things take time to work out and something like this won't go away overnight. I really hope you can work something out :3 |
I would be more understanding if what I love was causing a problem. It's not though and he's said so. He wants me to stop doing this thing that I love out of spite, not fairness. I've been trying to understand him, I really am. I've been trying so hard to bite the bullet and just let him have his way. But I feel like I'm being walked all over. When his friend called me a bitch he didn't say anything I had to tell him to shut his fucking mouth. But if I said my boyfriend's friend is an incompetent person my boyfriend tells me, "Fuck you." And you're right, I don't have the 30 dollars a month to play World of Warcraft. That's my problem. And he doesn't want to try a game that I've been playing that is free. So why should I try his game? x_x; We've, and I mean I've, tried to come to a compromise that he plays WoW and spends time with me evenly every week. If he plays WoW for nine hours, he spends nine hours with me. He did this one week, then he stopped, then started complaining that the compromise was unfair because he "can't sit still for that long." He can sit still to play WoW but he can't sit still to talk to me. I'd be more willing to consider it leaving this thing I love if it was actually a problem with our relationship. It's not though, he just wants me to give it up out of spite. |
then i don't know
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I'm sorry if what I said offended you, chocobo. I just tried to explain. |
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Maybe set up a time table for him. Let him have times it's 'fine' for him to play. Say from X hour to Y hour. Just know that you won't have time with him during that area of the day/week. That way he can game and you can let him, so he's not having to give something up entirely. Don't make it an 'even exchange' since that'll just result in him lying about how long he's been playing. Really, it sounds like the two of you need to compromise on some things. Yes, he should not play the game when you're trying to be 'together'; however, you shouldn't tell him he can't do something he enjoys just because you don't like it. As to his friends. They don't have the right to disrespect you in your home, but to the same extent if you're at their place they're allowed to say what they want. If you don't like it, don't go over there. Just because they're his friends doesn't mean you have to like/deal with them too. |
Please read the other responds I've made for a better understanding, thank you. ._.; We played a game together for a while but it started to become too much for him and our relationship so we stopped playing, even though I made friends and was enjoying myself. So why should I continue to give up things that I enjoy and care about when he doesn't and refuses to? There have been multiple times when I want to do something, for example talking on the phone, and he says no and I respect that. It doesn't seem too fair to me to continue to be "walked on" when he's not willing to do the same. When he says, "No I won't call you." should I tell him no in return with a threat or something? x_x; Not being serious about that last thing. I feel they don't have the right to say things about me when I barely say anything. Yes, I called him incompetent but I don't sit there and degrade his friends. When they're around I try to be as polite as possible regardless that I don't like them. It's when I overhear them saying things about me on the phone and he doesn't say anything is what I'm talking about. Trust me, when I see my boyfriend, I want nothing to do with them. They're rude, disrespect me, and just aren't pleasant people to be around in my opinion. Plus, they won't put in the effort to be friendly to me when I try to be friendly to them. |
Thank you everyone for your responses though. I'm gonna go to sleep now. If anyone else posts, I'll read it in the morning. Like I said though, thank you for all the responses and the possible future ones. |
I did read it, and I"m still sticking with my original reply. You're missing the point of my comment. You want him to stop something he enjoys. He sees no problem with what he does, he doesn't see that it affects the relationship. So why is it unreasonable for him to expect the same from you? That is called compromise and give and take.
I'm gonna give you some tough love here. If you expect him to do all the giving-up of stuff then his friends sort of have a reason to bad mouth you. Yes, it sucks, and it's not nice, but right now what I'm hearing is that you want HIM to focus on YOU, and give up what HE likes doing so he can spend time with YOU. That's not how a real relationship works. And, in the long run, if that's what you want from this relationship and he's not willing to give it to you, then it's not something that will last. Ask yourself this: What are you willing to give up to make this work? Because right now you're not asking that, you're telling him what to give up. |
╔═════════════════════════════════╗ (｡◕‿◕｡) I went through this exact same thing in the past with my husband. He played Final Fantasy XI non stop for months straight and then years. I was upset because he ignored me too and wouldn't talk to me and we were raising kids too. It took me years to realize this but it was something he loved. I understood that. What one thing you could try to do is ask him that when you two are scheduled to do something together ask him to leave his game alone for that time. He's too obsessed with this and it isn't easy to ask a guy to put something aside when they are that obsessed. What he needs to do is try to organize his time. He needs to realize that you are part of his life too and that he needs to put some time aside for you two and only you two. This is way easier said than done. Trust me this will be a struggle to do. Try to get him in a neutral place. A place where the two of you can talk and feel comfortable. He needs to be away from his game in order to focus on you and this important talk. Try to explain to him that you understand that the game is important to him but you really would love to have sometime set aside for just the two of you. Time where he doesn't play the game or think of it. Tell him you aren't asking him to quit the game at all, just try to set aside more time for the two of you to be alone and enjoy each others company. It will be hard to do and it will be hard to get him to pull himself away from WoW. He will have to work hard on it. It will take sometime for him to do this, but be patient. If he isn't willing to do this for the both of you, then let him know that you are feeling neglected and ignored, like you don't matter to him anymore like you sound like you already are feeling. You might need to tell him you need to take some time alone from each other since he isn't willing to do this one small thing for you. He has to realize that you are important to him and he needs to put you first too. His friend was in the wrong, he doesn't understand how hard it is to work on a relationship. The one thing to make sure you don't do is tell him he has to quit the game completely. That will definately make him not want to try to set time aside from the game where he just focus' on other things. He will feel like you are trying to control him and that is one thing you can't do to a guy, I took like 14yrs to figure this out >.>; Maybe once he starts to spend time with you and not the game and 'you' he might take more time away from the game to focus on your relationship. He has to be willing to do this on his own and not feel like he is being pushed into this. I know you might want him to give it up all together, but sometimes when a guy finds something that they love that much, they need to know you are not demanding that they stop what they want just so you get your way. I don't mean to sound mean or rude, I'm trying to be as supportive as possible. I know this is a hard thing to go through, especially when you feel like you mean nothing at all to him, but I'm sure he loves you alot and you mean the world to him. He's just obsessed with something that is controlling his life. My husband has a suggestion for you, I can't believe I didn't think of this. I did this lol. He suggests that you make your own account and play the game with him. It will give him a sense that you are trying to do something with him that he enjoys. And in doing so you will be able to talk to him ingame in tells so he won't be able to ignore you because he will be looking at the screen non stop and he will feel guilty if he doesn't help you do all the low level garbage that he's done so many times already. This will basically drain all the fun out of the game for him. It worked for me. He doesn't play FF11 anymore. We did things together everytime we were on the game together, the entire time and he wasn't able to enjoy the high level things you can do if you are the max level. It might take awhile to do this but it should work. At least you are showing him that you want to be part of something that is a big part of his life and you are trying to embrace it as well. Give it sometime but it will eventually work. I wish you the best of luck with this hard time. I know exactly what you are going through and it is hard to deal with especially since not many people know what it's like and how it feels. I'm here if you ever need anything. *huggles* ╚═════════════════════════════════╝ |
Okay it seems you are focusing on the wrong thing, do not try taking something away from someone you like, taking things away that they like can be stressful to them, and cause ill feelings or words to you
my parents for example: mom gets mad because dad is playing a game, she wants him to stop playing a game so she can spend time with him it just causes problems (more stress and less time together... since they both like doing different things- dad for the most part stopped playing to stop fighting, she is lucky he didn't leave her because people he knows who have seen them like that, said they wouldn't deal with it...) I've found for myself it is alright to just be in a room together without having to do the same thing... but in my relationship we both can handle that, we don't have to be out going some place to have fun sometimes just being in the same room is enough so let him play and just focus on spending time with him |
I'll repeat this since it wasn't in what I originally typed. I have already given up things to keep our relationship together. Things that made me happy and things that I enjoyed doing. He and I used to play a game together and after a while it started to take a toll on our relationship because we'd fight every day. He said he was going to quit because it was taking too much of a toll on him and he thought I should quit too. I left the game to better our relationship. I left behind friends I had become close to and I left behind a character I put dedication into that I was proud of. Am I not allowed to ask him to quit a game that he has friends on a character on just because what I did was years ago? He's asking me to give up a volunteer job that I'm very attached to. These people see me as a friend and someone they can trust and depend on. That is not the same as an online game so, I don't see the balance in asking me to leave. He's not just asking me to give up this job either, he wants me to give up two things or he won't quit WoW. Is that still balanced in your opinions now? And I stated, I'm not expecting him to give up everything. I ask him to give up one thing when I'VE given up MULTIPLE. He's asking me to give up TWO things dear to me for his ONE thing. If I wanted him to focus on his time on me I would have went and found someone else by now, does that make sense? I feel like I'm not being clear... Maybe I'm not, tell me. I've spent so much time and money on this relationship what should I give up? The two things that are dear to me that he wants me to give up leave me with pretty much nothing. I give up these things and I'm left with my workaholic family, a sister that uses me, a friend who's never around, and a boyfriend that would rather play his xBox or his cards or with his friends than spend an ounce of time with me. I can't just give up the future job I may have either. And even when I do give up things for our relationship he hasn't done the same in return. I already gave up a game I made real friends on for him and he wouldn't stop playing. What else do you want from me? ._. I have asked him to leave his game alone when we're spending time but he'll keep bringing it up over and over making me feel more neglected. I have tried asking him to set aside time for me. He can't. He always makes up an excuse to leave because he says he's bored talking to me. Especially when I'm upset he has to run out on me to do 'something'. There's been multiple a time where I ask him to please just talk to me for five minutes about something that upset me and he tells me he can't. He will wait until the last minute to talk to me when I've been crying or depressed. Like I said, I don't have the 30 dollars to spend every two months to play WoW. Plus I need to focus on my education which will actually get me somewhere in life. He's already started classes again and he's still obsessed with this game. He could pull that off maybe in high school but this is college. He saw how badly his grades dropped when he didn't focus on school like he should have. I just don't have the money to pay for a WoW subscription unless he's going to cough up 60 dollars every two months, I can't. He could easily play a free game with me but he refuses to. That would be all right for us to just being sitting in the same room together, but we're not. We don't live very close to each other and he can't drive because of a medical condition. I don't know mind just watching TV with him or having him play my xBox360 while I sit next to him. It's when he's missing every single little thing I say and can't remember what I say to him that I get bothered. He can remember what dungeon he ran two days ago but he can't remember what I said 5 minutes ago. He's incapable of multitasking even when I'm right next to him. It's hard to spend time with someone if they don't even know you're there... |
My boyfriend is the same way with stupid Grand Theft Auto 4. He always swears and the TV and throws the controller. When I tell him to shut up, calm down, and it's just a game, he swears at me too. :/
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To be honest... This problem hits home for me. I lost my fiance to a game called "Perfect World" ( Ironic... I know ). She was one of those shut ins that if something went wrong she would blame herself to no end. And I suppose it was my fault it happened. I told her we needed to find something to do together and this is what she decided on. At first we were playing it together but then she started to do things on her own and I got bored of the game. Months went by and it became a chore just to get her to talk to me. I'd show up to her house and she would be playing the game. After awhile she stopped noticing that I even came over and she would still be playing the game. The only times she would notice me is if she got hungry, or thirsty, etc... We would get into arguments over the game and she would say things like "This was your idea." or "I thought you wanted me to make friends" and of course " I'm not leaving my friends. You have no idea what its like to be abandoned like that."
This went on for months and we stopped doing things that would label us as a couple... Then one day I showed up to her house and she said she had been doing some thinking about that things her and her friends had discussed and she came to the conclusion that I had been lying to her. Needless to say we aren't together anymore. My point is and I know its not what you want to hear but... Your going down the same road I went down. I'm not even sure there is something you can do. He isn't willing to admit the game has taken over his priorities. And playing the game with him wont solve anything. If anything it will make it worse. I mean he is allowing his online friends to call you names and does nothing on his own to defend you. It also sounds like he is willing to sacrifice his relationship with you to continue to play WoW. If he real does care for you then break up with him and he should beg you to take him back. And if not... |
I'm getting the feeling it is going to be hard to work out
he is in his own world and if you two do want to work it out there has to be a compromise... somehow. I do not think the volunteer job should of been thrown in there, even if you are just volunteering you can use that time and have on record and/or on a resume which could help in the future - don't quit that since you like it - . |
Okay, from what im understanding i bet you feel like that game is WAY more important then you are? If that's the case then your dealing with a simple yet annoying and fixable problem. Your jealous. Case closed, not even being mean about it at all but it's honestly what i can see as the main issue it's not that he's "Addicted" it's that you are just jealous that he's not doing what YOU want and playing his FAVORITE game and then not giving you the 100% the way you think you deserve.
Look, i know it hurts and i bet it's highly furstrating but this kind of stuff happens when it involves the internet. People get lost in their own world and it becomes harder and harder to get them out but they need to do it for them selves. My only question to you is: Have you tried playing WITH him? You'd be surprised as to how much time you'd be spending together. But if it's becoming persistent and he's starting to ignore your existence then it may be best you find someone social like yourself and willing to take you out and do social things otherwise sit back and play with him but take all things in moderation. If your completely serious about being with him catch him while he's not playing and ask for a moment of his time if he loves you and if he does he will if he doesn't you may need to find someone new. Let me tell you this. I know of NO GUY that wants to give ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of his time to a girl. Not that he's being a douche but that's just the normal guy thing. Even my fiance does it you just need to either back down and let him have his game or join in on the fun for all you know it could do one of 2 things make or break your relationship. Understand that i am myself a WoW gamer but and i can understand both halves of the story on your part and his too. You feel neglected, jealous. I bet you anything he feels your being too clingy, controlling and whiny over it all so that's probably why he continuously re-install's and re-activates his game. To get away from you and your complaining. I've experienced this with my fiance when ever i complain to him or gripe about something involving "US" he goes for his games, music or his guy friends. And MALES BACK UP MALES just like FEMALES BACK UP FEMALES! So my advice to you, Join or get out. Again, not trying to be rude just blunt and making it clear to you to understand. My apologies in advanced if this has ruffled your feathers. |
╔═════════════════════════════════╗ (｡◕‿◕｡) Honey I hate to say this but you are better off without him. If he's asking you to leave something important as a volunteer job that could become a real job, and if you have already sacrificed so much for him and he hasn't done a thing in return and then to add on the way he treats you. You deserve a whole lot better and really should break up with him. He obviously doesn't think this relationship is worth anything to him, I hate to say this, but it really sounds like he doesn't want to be with you and no one deserves treatment like that. I am really sorry you have to suffer like this but everyone should be treated well by their love. Things won't get better unless you break up with him so you don't have to put up with his abuse like this. There are better guys out there for you, who will treat you better and love you for who you are and want to spend time with you. I really am sorry but you really are better without him. It's up to you now how you want to handle this situation but I think the answer is very clear. You might love him dearly but he doesn't feel the same about you. *huggles* Good luck hun. I'm here if you ever want to talk about anything or to just vent. ╚═════════════════════════════════╝ |
I more likely wouldn't stay with him, at one time I would of tried to keep the relationship going because either I felt I would of wasted all that time and money for no reason, but now I guess I'd call it a lesson, so even with the time and the money spent on him or with him... you can always get more money at a job or something...
if I couldn't play games without fighting I would be gloomy... and having someone say things about not having a job... my bf encouraged the volunteer work I have done and then I got hired on by the same people I volunteered for... you don't need someone to bring you down, so think about it, do you really want to be with him... or will he be more of a problem than he is worth to you |
muse and traka both did a very good job of explaining it when you take them together
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I disagree with DeadMuse.
With what I see... it's not "no guy wants to devote 100% time to his grilfriend", it is "5% of time to my gf, 95% to my dear game". If she is jealous, she has all the rights to. What she described is getting ridiculous. Gamers in general aren't bad, but when they for some reason chose game over their close people, it's insane, pretty illogical. Maybe she asked a bit too much of him sometimes, but it could only hint that he is not ready to have any sort of responsibilities and is not ready for relationships in general. Currently, it is all about giving TO him, and asking bits from him, which he even refuses to give. BUT relationships are all about giving and taking, neither side more or less than the other. If he doesn't understand that, then I think he should be left alone with his games. Somehow, I am not even sure if he will be that upset, as cruel as it sounds, with his friends going like "finally that bitch will let us play as much as we want". His game is his addiction, much like drug, and no one can help an addict if they don't want the help. So, no one can blame her for giving up trying to even these things out. Another chance is starting to give him the same treatment. Going out when you want to, chatting with your friends, either gender, playing your own game and paying little to no attention to him. if he notices, and is displeased, either continue the treatment and then talk, or talk right away. If he doesn't, then leave him. EDIT: I know these aren't the things you wanted to hear... But that is what I have to say, what this all gives feel of. And, really, you can't avoid hearing these things only cause you don't want the situation to be like this, admit that it is like this. You've already been doing for too long. He is grown too assured that you're there with him, won't go anywhere and that you will give up anything he asks to. |
I know that breaking up with him is probably the right thing to do but I'm too weak to do so. And everyone is expecting this, but it's not an easy thing to do. We had broken up before for about seven months, didn't talk to each other at all and just tried to move on. I dated someone else that I cared for and treated me right but it just wasn't the same. I wasn't happy with him like I'm happy with my boyfriend right now. Everyone fights, you learn from it and move on or you hold grudges. I try not to let this stuff get to me. Maybe I should have told all of you this, maybe it will change your opinions. My boyfriend's best friend is moving across the country and he's not coming back. I know that doesn't give him the right to treat me wrong but maybe that's why he's been harsh to me? I'm not too sure. I'm not trying to justify his actions and I'm sorry if it seems like I am. I don't need a guy's attention 100% of the time. It bothers me when just guy friends of mine text me non-stop. I don't like being the center of attention but at the same time I want some attention. If he's spending time with me, it should be about me not about some game. What I feel is that I deserve some attention and I feel I deserve to be treated equally amongst the other things in his life, whether it be family, friends, hobbies, etc. I talked to a guy friend of mine and he said something that really hit home, there is only one real thing you get to choose in life, besides your friends, and that's your beloved. If you choose a hobby over your beloved you're throwing away one of the most important choices in your life. You don't get to choose what family you're born into or what gender you're attracted to, you get to choose who it is your spend your life with though. Like I said, I'm not trying to defend him and I know it seems that way. I'm sure he loves me and cares about me, just rarely shows it. He has done things to show he cares and he has shown he loves me. He just doesn't show it all the time like he should. I know he cares about me and I know he loves me, he just does a crappy job of showing it. And maybe I am jealous but feeling like a game has power over him that I've never had is just stupid. Call it jealousy, I don't care, but I shouldn't feel a some game comes before me. A game will not comfort you when you're upset and a game can't save your life when you're hanging from a cliff. It is what it is, just a game. I have given him the same treatment with a different situation before and he didn't like it. I could always try it again to get him to realize how much of an ass he's being. Or there's always the possibility it could back fire and make me feel more alone and isolated. |
Take comfort from your friends. None of use has the right to just tell you to break up with him. You have to make this decision. Either gamble and sacrifice two things you love in the hopes your boyfriend gives up the game which he might not do or he will for a short period of time, or sacrifice your love for your boyfriend and move on.
In my opinion if he is willing to sacrifice your relationship for a game he isn't worth keeping. I know how it feels, but you can get through it if you surround yourself with people that actually care for you. And I also have to disagree with DarkMuse. |
I don't know who to talk to about this in real life. My parents are just going to treat me with indifference and tell me to break up with him. I know it's probably the right thing to do, but I don't want to hear that from them. I don't know what friends I could talk to. One of them is not here, she's living with her girlfriend and the other has a pretty busy schedule. I don't want to burden either of them with my problems. I don't really have anyone to talk to, nor do I have someone to hug me when I start crying. I called him to see if we could talk and he wouldn't leave the room to talk to me. He let his friend listen to what I had to say which wasn't much. He let his phone die and won't call me back so now I have to wait again. I just want to get these things sorted out so either our relationship gets better or I cut ties and say good bye. He didn't seem too concerned in his voice when I brought it up. He tries to hide how he feels in front of his friends because it's the 'manly' thing to do. When I said, "I'm thinking of breaking up." he asked, "You're going to break up with me...?" "I don't know, I've been thinking about it." all he could say was, "Huh..." I don't know if he's trying to hide the fact that he would be upset or if he really doesn't care about losing me. |
It sounds like he's made up his mind and doesn't care. I don't care what he thinks is "manly" but what he is doing isn't. If he let his phone die then I'm pretty sure he's doing one or both of these things: Still playing WoW and/or ignoring you so he can be the one to break up with you.
Another thing is the way he acted means he no longer cares for your relationship, and I am sorry for that. He wasn't even willing to talk to you in private and all he had to say was "Huh"... That isn't something a guy would say if he actually cared for the relationship. And you need to talk to someone. You aren't burdening anyone if they are your friend. Simply ask one of your friends be it male or female if you can talk to them because you need someone to talk to. And talk to your parents if you need to. I doubt they will tell you anything that everyone on this site has already told you. But the choice is yours to make. |
Unless he got on to change clothes or fly around on his mounts or something, he hasn't been on WoW since 11 am, ten hours ago. There's this nifty little feature that lets you look at people's characters and their activity feed, that's how I knew he was playing again. It seems like he cared for a time and maybe that time has passed. I think I have a theory as to why he's been like this... Besides this game I honestly believe his friend doesn't want him to be happy. Every time something good happens to him, his friend has to butt in and be a douche. He's never liked me when all I've done is try to kind to him and treat my boyfriend right. And he keeps trying to get him to play WoW when he should be in class. His friend kept changing what day he was going to leave. He said last week two weeks ago, then he said last Monday, now he's saying tomorrow morning. He'll probably change that to Sunday evening or the end of the September tomorrow. :/ Either way, I want to discuss either breaking up with him or making things better. He seemed sorry for what he did last night. :/ But, I just kind of want to get this settled now. He doesn't want me to leave but at the same time he's not putting much effort in? Am I basically arm candy...? |
The best way to answer that is when did he start playing WoW and ignoring you and when was it you two started calling each other Fiance. If both started around the same time I'd say yes but if not it could be that he is panicking. I'm not going to justify why he is acting the way he is but if he is also sacrificing his education then it wont belong before he starts to stop going to work to play WoW at the rate he is going. Sounds like he is genuinely addicted to playing WoW if he is doing that. I'll go out on a limb and say if he isn't playing WoW he's edgy and short tempered. So basically he is going through withdraw if he isn't playing WoW... Its been known to happen. People have even died because of it. That's why MMOs tell you how long you have been playing and asks you to take a break... And again if that is the case he needs more help then you can offer him.
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He started calling me fiance then playing WoW again. I asked him to get rid of it and he did for two days. He started arguing with me about it saying I was controlling him and that I didn't want him to have any fun. At first I was okay with him playing WoW. It wasn't causing any problems in our relationship. He still kept up with texting and calling me. Then it started to get bad and I asked him to stop. He wouldn't and I started begging. He dropped the game again for a while but went back to it, same cycle. This the third time he's gone through this cycle and now he's telling me he's putting his foot down and if I don't give up my volunteer job and my game he won't give up his. What I don't understand is a volunteer job and game are NOT the same. I tried pleading to let him just drop the volunteer job and make it a game for a game but I don't think I'm swaying very well... He's fine without playing it for a while but he uses it to settle his fidgeting. When we sit in the car together he plays with the window, plays with the radio, he even plays with his shoes. He can't sit still for long... A new MMO I've been playing doesn't list how long you've been online. x_x But I know Maplestory did that. After three hours it would start saying, "You should probably take a break." |
To be honest sounds like he has ADHD. One of my bestfriends has it and does pretty much the same thing. But he works with computers all day and it keeps him busy. Whenever he is home he is pacing back and forth and when he is siting he messes with stuff. Although if or when he plays a game, namely guitar hero, He will play it until his wife forces him to stop.
Don't give up your volunteer work. That is an activity that helps people in the real world. His game is fantasy. They don't even begin to compare. For him to think your two things equal up to his one is irrational. Just because he spends 15$ a month on a game doesn't make it more important then you. |
I think you should set down a timetable or something to the likes. You should spend time with other friends you have and maybe tell you boyfriend to meet you twice a week. You don't have to break up with him just show him that if he is going to devote his life to MMOs then your aren't going to suffer through it your going to stand up and live.
The 'friend' your boyfriend has seems like he doesn't want your boyfriend to be happy without him there. He is making it purposly difficult for you to make your boyfriend happy while he is moving away. This could be a problem in the long rin if this 'friend' of you boyfriend actually goes far enough to disturb the status of your relashion ship. About giving up your volunteer job for his game don't. I know this has already been said but that trade is not fair. Your asking for more couple time that fits both of your scheduals not just his make him aware of this. |
Let's see here..
I didn't read that she wants him to STOP playing WoW altogether. It looks like he spends WAY more time playing his beloved games and enjoys himself more doing that than spending time with her. And yes, that IS a problem. When you love a game more than you love your partner in a relationship, that DOES in fact pose a threat to the relationship. Has anyone even asked you how much you play your game in comparison to how much he plays? If I knew how much you play and how much he plays, I might be able to provide advice. Maybe if you could both schedule times to be together and not play games, things might turn out a little different. It sounds like you need to do fun things together, like go to the movies, go to a fair or community events, go swimming, and other things to remind him why he got together with you. Maybe he won't be as distracted by his game whenever you hang out if you're out of the house and actually communicating and spending time together. Tell him you miss how things were in the relationship. Maybe he will understand. As for his friends, I'm in a similar situation except it's going on with his family too, so I can't be of much help when it comes to that. Everyone my boyfriend knows don't seem to care for me much and there's an awkward silence whenever I come into the room. I'm being kicked out of his parents house in a week if I don't get a job before then. It's as if they think I haven't been trying all summer to get my life going. I know I seem like a lazy ass to them, but really I hide out in my room all day and skip meals because I feel like I'm intruding and getting in the way. Who wouldn't feel that way when everyone around you seems to hate you? Anyway enough about me. I wish you luck and I hope you figure something out soon or it's just going to get worse. |
This might be late, but you need to give an ultimatum.
It isn't good for you. And it isn't good for him...though even if you did leave...he might never notice. Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and start making his own decisions...if it is because of his friend(s). He needs to set his priorities. School and you should be more important than the game...which may be a good way to connect to friends, but he has a phone. There is another way to connect. Neither am I saying you have to break up with him or that he has to quit WoW...you just need to give him an ultimatum about it. It might end bad...but maybe he'll grow up...and maybe he'll realize how good you were for him and maybe it can end happily like that. Maybe not. |
I spoke to him a few days ago and things got better for a few days but now I think it's time to call it quits. I try to just chit-chat with him for a little bit over texts and he wouldn't respond. He wouldn't answer my calls either. Finally his phone goes dead and he makes no effort to contact me. We were supposed to hang out today and he didn't show up. I saw him get online and I tried to message him but he left before I could. I told him a few days ago that I'm going to see a specialist, I have depression and my increasing loneliness is not making me feel better. I have no way of contacting him, he won't get online, he won't turn on his phone either. I have his mom's number but I don't want to bother her with my petty little problem of trying to reach her son. I don't know if I pissed him off or what but I can't do this anymore. I need someone that legit cares about me and loves me like I love them. I don't demand constant attention but I'd like at least some and for the past three days now, he won't contact me. I just want to break up with him at this point and end it all. But, I'm not the type of person to just break up with someone and not tell them. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying and I just feel trapped. |
I'm sorry, but it is kind of hard to tell someone it is over when they won't get online or turn on his phone or anything...
But you do need to do something. This isn't good .-. |
Hmm. It does sound like a problem but (don't get mad) part of it is your problem.
The part of your post that makes me say this is that you worried he might leave you for some WOW chick. There's some trust issues and insecurities there. I'm reading some of your more recent posts on this and are you really thinking of breaking up with him? Because of World of Warcraft? Please ye gods do not do that! I realize you've tried to talk this stuff out with him before and okay I'm seeing in your last post that there's tons of other issues here. Still I'm going to play devil's advocate and say maybe he's blowing you off because he's not sure what to do about you either. Don't hate me, hear me out. On one hand the guy probably feels you're picking at him and making demands. Guys hate that. Well. Nobody likes to be told what to do but it makes guys extra itchy. When you do spend time together he feels you're harping on him. You said his friends pull crap like calling you a bitch, which is rude and they suck for that but... are you acting like one? Maybe that's the only side of you they see. Have you ever made an effort to just chill with them and not bring up Warcraft or whatever. My point is - with his friends - it is really, really emasculating for a guy to get chewed out in front of his friends. It's going to set him on edge and that's why he doesn't defend you. He's upset. They kind of think he's a chump but that's their bro so... you become "the bitch" and it sucks but that's how it works. So. Try not to bicker in front of other people. Keep your issues between the two of you. And you two need to have a really long talk. I am not blaming you. Thing is that I'm not blaming him either. Both of you have to work on this relationship. If it were me, the first thing I would say to him is "Have I been being a bitch?" He's going to fluster and not know what to do with this. Mostly because guys have been taught these kinds of questions are traps. Don't make it a trap. You seriously need to know where he's coming from before you can tackle the issue between you. Let him talk. Do not become defensive or overly sensitive. Frankly, you've been busting his balls and he should be allowed to voice his viewpoint. I'm seeing some comments about ultimatums and time tables. Do that. If you want to break up. Just think about it for one second. If the tables were turned and your guy had an issue with something you like to do you'd be super pissed if he came at you with some ultimatum. You would probably dump him flat on his ass. So why on earth is it okay for you to come at him like that? I'm not saying you should roll over and leave it alone. He spends to much time with this game and that's a fact but from what I've read you're coming down on him way too hard. WOW maybe one of the biggest issues in this relationship but it isn't the only one. |
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