Dear Diary... Closed for now.
 

Even as a little girl, I never really wrote in a journal...But that didn't mean I never wrote at all. I used to write every day of my life, and heck, I still do. Even though now it's not so much stories, songs, poems and stuff like that anymore.. It's close enough. It's my feelings. It always is. And another reason I never kept a diary was because when I had emotions overflowing I'd write a letter. To them, or to myself. Not many got those letters - most landing themselves into the trash - but it helped. There are things we need to get out of our system, and things like that can't always be told to the person that you want to say them to. For whatever reason that is.

This is a place to write to whomever you want to without them seeing or knowing who it is for. For example you can put, Dear Diary, Dear Emily, Dear Bob, Dear Person, Dear Dog. Anything. Heck, you can even complain to your mechanical pencil for not working. It can be short or long, just let it go. No one has to know who it's about or who it's for. It's just a place for you.

I ask everyone who reads or posts not to care what other entries say. Worry about your own release. It may be odd, but I always felt a lot better after writing a letter, or even just a poem of how I felt. So maybe this will help your day as well. :)

Also, Please turn off your sigs in this thread. There is a button in the "go advanced" area below the submit to uncheck for signatures.

Dear Self,

I know you are stronger than you seem at the moment. Don't worry though things will get better mentally and physically. I know that life has hit hard the last few years but look on the bright side and be happy with what you do have. An remember that no matter what you are loved by him and them. I know about the dark thoughts but those will pass when things are set where you have more freedom. YOU WILL BE HAPPY IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!! Love ya. <3

Dear "Diary",

I know you must hate me by now... I forgot such a thing as you has even continued to exist. My life has been boring. Nothing much has changed, and i guess that's more of my fault than anyone elses. I keep walking around expecting for fun exciting adventures or moments to just happen. Like this is a TV show or some happy go lucky anime. It's not either. It's life. I should be working on my art project, with school about to start back up and all.
They changed our uniform colors...now it's just Khaki pants and a black collared shirt. UGH. I liked the variety before. At first it was black or khaki pants with a black, yellow, or white shirt. I hate that things always change.. They don't have to be major things but I hate it regardless. It's impossible for me to find some nice khaki pants that actually FIT. Why don't they make non ugly clothes for tall skinny people :c...

Heh, i can't imagine me writing all of this down. In the end I'd get all lazy and just trash you "Diary". Later then.

Dear Diary,

I told myself that I wouldn't get too emotional - that I'd be strong and support the decision. Why, then, am I finding it so hard to not just curl up into a ball and cry. Why am I so tied by my emotions? I'm too emotional for my own good. The plan makes sense, and it's not forever, but my emotions keep getting in the way.

Please, emotions, back off for a while so that I can breathe again. Thank you.

Sei

Dear, ____

Why did you lie to me so many times? we could of stayed friends...but i guess we weren't meant to be friends or best friends at the matter. It isn't my fault you and your so called mom and father were crazy $#$...and not in a good way. I gave you so many chances. i don't understand. I'm over it now although we only departed completly last year..Not long after my birthday at that. funnny how things work. thanks for the awesome birthday gifts last yr even though your a complete B****. Really...I mean, I'm wondering if there were acually anythings you told me or agreed to me with that were acually true. Anyways, I hope you have a misserable life. Thanks for wasting my time, at least you taught me not to trust people even more then i already felt.


Peace.

Dear Diary,
You'll never know how sad I feel at times. I'm always alone in my room at those times wishing someone would comfort me. I don't know what you would say if you knew I felt that way. I'm afraid you would be angry, or laugh, because you would think my reasons were ridiculous. I wan someone to talk to, but I don't know If I'm close enough to any of my friends to share my problems with them. I can't talk to you because you would bring it up over and over making me feel worse. I don't hate you, in fact you're the biggest support in my life.

love, me

Dear Life,

Congratulations, you did it. You won. You beat me. Take your victory lap, soak up in my misery, because you finally did it, you defeated me. After all these years, after all the shit that you've thrown at me, time and time and time again, giving me a little something, a little hope, a little progress, only to rip it away, this time, THIS TIME you finally got me. I am on my knees; hell I'm flat on my back, broken and bleeding from punch after punch. And I have nothing left. Nothing in me. God, years - ten years you took from me, and I was able to come back again and again, but this time, it's all gone. My strength is sapped. I'm tired. I'm so very goddamn fucking tired. Is that what you want to hear? You want me to finally admit that I'm fucked and at the end of my rope and it's over? Is that what you're waiting for? Well here I am. I'm admitting it. I'll climb on the fucking roof and scream it out loud, YOU WON. You fucking won you son of a bitch. Now will you please please please please please stop fucking with me.

No? Didn't think so.
Well fuck you, then. I take it back. I'm stronger than that, and I'm stronger than this, and I'm stronger than you. Here, this second, I just gave up. Right here, this second - I admit failure, I admit defeat. You got me.

There. Now it's gone. And now I'm gonna come back even stronger and harder. Fuck you, man. Just you wait.
See you tomorrow.

Me

Dear Diary,

I hurt so much. I don't want to live like this. I wanted to hurt myself last night, but once again, I couldn't. Third time in what...3...4 years? I guess it's a good thing. Mom would be so devastated she'd probably take her life as well. I couldn't have that.

Chemical imbalances are weird. Why do I have to have one? Why me? Why do I suffer and hurt and cry and feel everything like it's a knife through the heart? I hate being so sensitive, so vulnerable, so moody. I hate who I am and what this makes me.

I'll get help, like I always do. But really...is this going to be my life? Freaking out and going suicidal every year or two when medications stop working? What a waste of a life.

I know "normal" doesn't exist, but that's what I want to be. Take that as either meaning "normal" or "not existing". Either is accurate.

Love,
me

Dear Self:

Please, continue to thrive with passion for art. I know it's hard to stay motivated with everything going on but if you don't get down to business soon, you could ruin your chance of creating something spectacular. If you don't have time to finish a drawing, painting, whatever -- make the time. So get to work on that canvas!

Yours truly.

dear ex lover,

i love you and you will always hold a special place here in my heart...i will never ever forget you because you is my 1st love.. even though i wanted to be you last love it will never ever happen because we are now having a new life T_T

Dear Me,

Yay! Only a few more years of school and then I don't know what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go. I'm so lost as to what I need to do right now. I know what I want to be but I don't know how to get there. Something guide me! Dx

On the bright side, I'll be out of school soon and no more will I have to see the people I don't like. No, I don't want to be your friend, but you still follow me. Dx

Why can't I be more active and like more things? Dx I'm not too interested in anything besides going to school and coming home. o 3o While all my other friends are meeting more new friends, I'm sitting by myself looking like a loner and envying them. Dx

Please try your best in the future and be smart!

~Phoenix

Dear Diary,

Today I noticed I hate my manger to my job and my assistant manger in my bakery even more. Though I work my fingers to the bone and do it all in a 4 hour shift instead of 8 I still get crap and little praise for anything I do. It seems like I am doing my job for nothing. . . . .but I can't quit cause my second job I have is only for the Halloween season......I think I need to find another job soon, must do that...

With much hate from your Baker. . . .

Nikko....

Dear ____,

Honestly I wasn't prepared when you told me that you were secretly going out with a girl. When you told me you had something to tell me, I didn't really even think about what it was, I had thought it was just news about another friend. I guess I was kind of suspicious that you didn't want to tell me over the phone but I just dropped the thought and decided to go to the show to find out what you wanted to tell me. When you finally told me, I was in shock, I really did not expect you to be going out with a girl and it felt kinda awkward that you decided to tell me when we were in line to go to the show. I had always thought that you liked guys and I was really shocked when you told me. But finding out that you were going out with her wasn't the biggest shock, what shocked me the most was that even though you two have been secretly going out for a month, you didn't tell me till now. I can understand that you didn't want a lot of people to know, but we've been friends for about four years now. I would have thought that I would be one of the friends you would have told early on. I couldn't even say anything to you after you told me, and even though I told you I was okay with it, it still felt kind of awkward. You're the only one, from all the friends I've had, that told me they were going out with a girl so I didn't know how to react at first. Honestly at first I had thought that the girl was a guy, she had short hair and she looked like a guy. And throughout the show I was trying to see if I had been mistaken but I was wrong, she was definitely a girl. After realizing that she really was a girl, I just started to feel uncomfortable with the whole thing but after going back home, and having some time to think, I still meant what I said to you, that I'm okay with you going out with a girl. It just might take some time to get used to but I still support you no matter what since you are one of my closest friends here. I do worry about how your mom is going to react but remember you can always count on me.

Your Friend

Dear pie in the fridge,

Why must you look so tempting? You know I am trying to watch what I eat, I'm proud that I have lost these 25 pounds, I want to keep the away. I've given up drinking sodas and eating candy at work, I eat healthier portions of meals, but why must you taunt me with your whipped cream goodness, its just cruel.

Sincerely, your consumer.

Dear Love,

I find myself thinking of you everyday. I often wonder how you are doing, what you are doing, or even what you are thinking about. The kids sure do miss you, and it is hard to see them sometimes ask about you. I don't have all the answers, but I know you are serving our country, and doing your best out there.

I admire you for that, and I do terribly miss you. I often dream of you coming back, my arms wrapped around you as yours is around me. The week you have been gone so far, has been almost torture to me. I had never felt this before, and I know you're new to being with guys and such. And I know some things are still uncomfortable with you, but I am more then willing to wait for you.

Dear Body,

Ok, so I understand you want to be oh-so-special and unique, but there are much better ways to do this. Lets try... 'becoming very pale' or 'not having any achene' or heck, at this point I'd settle for 'suddenly sprouting extra toes' XD.

'low blood pressure with no good cause that progressively gets worse' and 'messed up eyesight from low blood pressure' and 'migraines from low blood pressure' and 'collapsing from exhaustion' and 'randomly having such sensitive skin that it hurts to touch things' are not cool ways to be unique.

Keep trying,
Love Raine

Dear Diary,

I managed to procrastinate on my first English assignment, and stayed up pretty late trying to finish it. =A=

Good job to me.
--Kaixi

Dear my emotions,
Have I done something wrong? or am I just different from most people. How can I still want my ex back knowing that I don't have any feelings what so ever for him. He flirts with other girls, calls them babe and everything, no feelings at all.. But why do I want him back?
Maybe its just my attraction, or maybe its the fact that I miss how things used to be between me and him.
But its not completely my fault. He is acting like he did before we went out, and he trying to work his "charms" on me.
But does it hurt to put up sheild's against him? I don't want to go through the pain he put me through again..

Sincerely,
the heart you are hurting

Dear My emotions,

I am done with him. I am over him. Thank you SOO much for finally letting me get over him.

Its time for a new start, a new beginning to a better life (:

thank you..

Sincerely,
The winner of my heart.

Dear **,

Sometimes I wonder what's happened to us. You used to be so much nicer to me. We were the best of friends.
Now you treat me with contempt, with disdain, like I'm embarrassing to be around.

I should have never told you I loved you.

meh

Dear Me,

Next time don't get so sick and stressed out so much. Look what you have done to your self. You still have to work and be bed ridden after work. What the hell? Just make sure to get lots of rest and not to do anything stupid at least try not to.

With Love,
Me

Dear Diary/Self,

I have never been a great listener or a great friend. I am passive and just don't like to talk/text. I used to be very talkative and social, but what has happened to me? Sometimes I do not like it. Sometimes I just don't care at all; I don't care if I hurt someone else's feelings, but I want to change that. That is not me. I care, a lot but there is some s**t that is not worth caring for because it only brings me down. I hate being a bad person, it's not me. I want a job, I want to do well in my life, but first I want to find myself and actually sit down for a moment and think.

~Vanitas

Dear Me,

You are in a new place, with a new chance, don't let your past hold you back from moving on. Things will get better and you cant let anyone, not even your friends deprive you of that. So a word from the wise, go out on an adventure, re-invent yourself, meet new people and go to new places and most importantly have fun.

To that Someone,

You know we call each other friend, but I can't help but feel that there is a little distance between us. When we see each other out and about we have to take a second to really look...making sure that our eyes don't deceive us. With each meeting we know that there is a connection between us, one our eyes validate...and yet I have to wonder what it is that pulls us apart. At times I feel like I'm chasing you, I wonder if I even cross your mind when I'm not in your sight. I would call if I could, circumstances stop me from that. I wonder why it is you don't though.

People make time for the things that they enjoy, you say you enjoy my company...but your actions lead me to wonder. Was it all just a ploy for something bigger, something less innocent. I ask myself what was it really. I've never been able to rap my head around you, what you are, or anything like that and its something that I like and yet at times I have to fear it...that inability to understand what's in front of me when I see you. Unnerving exhilarating and yet I feel it will only leave me empty. Tell me and be honest when I ask you what you think....

Dear Self & Fragile Heart,

I know it seems tough to get settled in. Just keep on pushing and maybe you'll fit in eventually. It's not you it's the slowness of the place. Don't look down thinking that all is over and keep going. You heart I know but nothing is gained if you do not try. I am sorry though that I have not made you stronger than you are though. An I am sorry that there are stupid and selfish people in this world as well.

Love ya!