Pinkie needs advice...badly (Mature)
 

what the hell? i dont know the guy but that does seem off, could he be lashing out because of the situation and not knowing how to take it?
or he wasnt watching his money? =(

it seems like he really needs to get his act straight, this is not a way to treat someone you care about.

either way, you need to sit him down and try to get a calm,informative conversation out of him, get answers.

if worse comes to worse,try to start controlling the money instead of letting him do it, before resorting to drastic measures.

Well the thing is its his bank account. We dont have one together. Also nothing shows that hes spending the money so this tells me that he dose indeed still have it but dosent want to use it. Either that or hes spending it some where else on some one else.

no i wouldnt think that hes spending it on others, maybe hes got a debt hes embarassed or ashamed of?

First of all you are worth more than food my darling, you are worth being treated like a princess.

Second, When my fiance and I fight... it's always about money.

Third, do you share a bank account? If so - you need to keep watch on those statements. Unless he's pulling out cash from the atm or something, it should have an itemized list of what is being spent. If he spent things, you'll be able to have proof. Not only that, all banks have rules as to how much money you keep in your account. Example : 'm with the evil known as Chase and if I don't have 1500 in the account at all times, or make direct deposits over 1000 a month - they charge me $12.00 a month. So on top of having no money - they take $12 bucks.

What are your options really? Do you want to drop him like a hot potato? Do you think this is going to happen when you do finally find a job? If he isn't going to share what he has now... is he really going to share when you have your own really money again?

It's in bad times when you truly see people. He's not showing you a very good side of himself. But then again, maybe he's just frustrated?

Also - do you think this is really about money? Is there something else you or he is doing that is causing issues. Even the small stuff, when you live together, can add up.

We have been together now for three years...I know everything that goes on....if he had a debt I would know about it.

Faux: I just really dont know. We dont share an account so I cant really keep track of it but at the same time he has nothing to show for where the money is. But the fact that he told me no to food when thats the only thing I ask for tells me there is something going on that I dont know about. I mean I want to think positve on this...but...really? All I asked for was 20 for sandwich stuff and it was to much. I talked with my mother tonight and she asked me if I wanted to move back home...I broke down crying and couldnt answer her. I mean...I love him and I want to give him the hope that not many other women would when it comes to this but I just really dont know what to do. I really want to know where the money is going or if he still has it but I have no way of finding out.

Is he spending a lot of time online or out of the house? Maybe online card games?
OR
Is he getting jumpy about his phone or suddenly has a lot more work or long periods of time that isn't at work that he doesn't contact you when he normally does?

hmm, i see, i do agree with alot of what Faux is saying.
and i do think it is weird his moneys poofed, but thats his word that its poofed, he could still have it and could just be being a douche.

i still think the only way to really solve this and help yourself as well as your health (mental and physical) is to sit him down and talk and get answers you need.or drop his ass soon as you get on your feet.

Also is he protective of his phone, computer screen... Do you really think it could be someone else?

Tiva: He has one game that he plays but thats a one time buy. Also he dose work long hours but hes an electristion so its to be expected. Also I can pick his phone up right infront of his face and go through it and he wont say or do a thing...So things really stump me as to where the money is.

Zan: I have tried. I did today. We sat down and I was calm and nice and I said "Can we talk hun I would like to ask some things" He agreed and we sat and chatted...that nice chat turned into yelling and screaming on both sides not only over money but every little thing. I mean...im so stressed I can run my fingers through my hair and remove chunks of it.

Faux: Like I said to Tiva no I can go through his phone any time I please as well as his computer. He dosent hide anything...

~huggles the Pinky~ i'd post here but yeah messenger is faster -3-

Rosie: =huggles= that it is...plus then I can say something that wouldnt be good on here lol

>.> true that.. otherwise youd have to put a m rating on your advise thread ^^;

Yeah I know right even though I should do that because I am sure it will get to that point sometime knowing me...

Honestly, Maybe he thinks he's supporting you and that's not what he signed up for.

Do you think you could calmly ask him if he wants you to move back out?

This is the future. If you were planing to make a life with him, this is how he is going to act. You can't change him, HE has to want to change.

If I could spare you the feelings of being hurt I'd do it in a second. But I know you already know there is no easy answer to this.

You know what...I may just ask him that and see what he says. But the one thing that gets to me is I lost my job by quiting but before I quit I called him and asked what he thought on it and he said "If you need to do it...I make enough to support the both of us" Then a week later he told me "You dont have to work if you dont wnat to" Thats why I dont understand

I read the first post. It does seem strange. Where could all that money go? Maybe on someone else. If it has gone on someone else, I would be looking into these things:

A: Is that someone else another woman?

Because if he's spending the money on some b$%^& when you spend your money on food and rent, then you soooo need to get to the bottom of that, and find out who the other woman is. Usually it's someone you know. But, I hope everything is okay and it's not that.

Maybe he just didn't know what it really entailed and changed his mind.

I can't state much then, because the obvious thing to think doesn't fit and maybe it is more of what Faux stated.
Also do you guys use credit cards? Maybe he payed off his card.

I know you don't share a bank account, but there are ways to still keep track of all of his and your money. I personally like to use mint.com. It syncs with your bank account(s) to keep a list of all your purchases, it's got budgeting tools that yell at you if you go over budget, and it tells you what categories of purchases you spend all your money on. You can hook up both your bank accounts to one profile so you both can be completely open with each other about where your money is going. If you don't want to use the site, a similar option is just to ask to look at his bank statement - but if you share a mint account you can both check on the money at any time you want. If you're essentially sharing money anyway, he should agree to let you see where he's spending it unless there's something sketchy going on that he doesn't want you to know about. And if it's just a matter of not watching where all the money is going, knowing that's the issue will help you both prioritize your budget in the future.

Also if you have $400 you have enough to go buy a week's worth of food... =/

I divorced my first husband because of this. There were MANY other issues going on at the time but when I found out he was unwilling to pay for a surgery that I NEED because he said it would "put him in debt for 10 years" ($6000 surgery, btw; he made up to $4000 a month...) and that he didn't want to pay for it, it was an emotional blow.

Over time I began to realize that more and more of our money was going missing and he started stressing about cash. I, eventually, found out he was cheating on me and sending money somewhere else. Naturally, I was furious. I never called him out on it and I really wish I did- but because he's part capricorn he would have just lied his way in circles and I didn't have the emotional capacity or patience to go through that. So, inevitably, we got a divorce. We are no longer on speaking terms as he is a total dickweed.

Anywho, you could start asking for receipts so you can balance your checkbook and figure out how to handle the money better. If more money is missing and there are no receipts- one of two things is going on:

1. He's cheating on you or simply spending the money on something he shouldn't.
2. There could be a ring involved.

honestly, he's probably throwing the money away on something, or someone, else, considering the tone I'm getting from his text. I think you need to seriously reevaluate the relationship and start planning on where you're going to live.