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Keeping this up for record ( Updating this when things happen. )
What's been happening the past week: 1/1/2013: Kai's mom left this in his copy-paste: Leaving this here just in case. I am pretty sure that committing SSI fraud and peddling on the streets is extortion enough. And I said so. And she didn't like it. So now she's making threats. This is exactly why I made this thread in case police have to be involved even more. |
I would suppose if you had information that can track where your friend's mom is, you can get the cops involved. Just keep the harassing messages as proof, and I think your friend should stand his ground and tell his mother off. He doesn't owe her a damn thing and I'd say if she ever wants to see her baby boy ever again when he leaves, that she straighten her ass up, but I wouldn't say that until he's ready to leave at any time. She might wander into his room with a steak knife if said now.
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Simply put, phone harassment is illegal. As long as you have proof and of her whereabouts, she is committing a crime.
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I don't know where either of them are ( I just know what city ) since she got them evicted recently and yesterday was when they were supposed to be in a new place. Which was when this all happened.
On one hand, I'm so glad he finally is sticking up for himself in a way he should; going and getting on his own two feet. We always talked about him finally starting his own life, not letting her bring him down anymore, and I really always admired how he never really let it get under his skin, nor is it reflected in his attitude. Me and him have been glued together for almost three years, and three years of proof should be enough for her to see I'm not backing off and abandoning him. But she's a narcissist; everything that isn't in favor of her is the "devil" or evil and she will not listen to anyone else. There's no reasoning with her at all. Words don't translate with her. All she hears is herself. But, anyway, since I don't know her address or anything, I can only give the police what city she lives in and the proof I have. If it starts getting unbearable again, though, I may have to call them just to give them what I have. Waiting is just difficult for me. OTL +worried half to death+ |
I've had to deal with this in the past from my ex.
If she is being abusive through messenger keep the logs, every time she calls take a note of the time/date/how long the calls lasted and a summary of what was said, it is just stronger evidence that she is doing this... If you can record the conversations I'd do that too. If she is contacting you through email/skype abandon it or block her. with your cell or home phone you can block her number or even change it. |
On the note of blocking and changing my number; I can't do that because I'm waiting for him to tell me he's alright. I told him to try, even if it's on a payphone to let me know he's got a place to stay until he gets a start on his own life, and until then, all I can do is wait. I also cannot block numbers because I have a tracfone ( prepaid phone you can't block numbers with their service. )
She's been getting on his messengers, his accounts because she has his computer and phone. I can't block them in case he goes to a library or somewhere that he can get on and tell me anything. Right now, I've been ignoring the calls from the number she's using. I'm avoiding making it any worse by not answering, and so far, that's been good. Because if she does get the police involved ( or if I do ) I want nothing that I say to be used against me. Besides, it is not her that I'm concerned about; it's him. He's my priority. So I want to be able to answer when he contacts me. But yes, I always keep logs of everything anyway. All she has sent me was a "FUCK YOU!" through his yim, and I've seen his facebook active ( which it couldn't be him because he's hardly ever on it and wouldn't be contacting me through that because he also knows I hardly use it as well. ) so I know she's trying to snoop through his things. She keeps claiming that he's a "vulnerable adult" but he isn't. He can make his own decisions; all he was ever formally told he has is ADHD, and even then, it isn't that bad. This is how she demeans him, telling him he's "stupid" so he can't be without her. Which he knows now is not true. She's been taking his SSI checks, and panicked when he tried to get his GED and a job. ( She didn't allow him to finish classes for his GED because she dragged him across the country to Indiana. She also has been blaming that on me. ) She even had the nerve to tell my mom that he "owes" his life to her. I can't imagine a parent having such an entitled attitude towards their own kid. It's just a mess. But if he sticks with living independently, it will all sort out and he'll finally be happy. The waiting and the worrying is just what's getting me most. @__@ |
Owes his life to her... get that woman a straight jacket. No kid owes their parents their lives. The parent brings a child into the world through love not so they can hold it over their heads like that.
It sucks you can't change your number and I can understand where your are coming from for the rest of it. Hang in their Mei it'll work out for you both and if you ever want a cuddle because it's getting to much feel free to pm me. |
Thanks. He needs the support more than I do though. Hell, he's so much stronger than I am, being able to take all of this on. That's why I'm always so offended when she says he's "stupid" or can't live on his own. She's never stopped to see the person he is, the things he writes or the music he makes. Talks about politics more than I can handle, lol
I hate to gush, but we know everything about each other, down to the embarrassing crap and beyond, and nothing even this big has been able to crash it with us. Pretty sure this is proof enough. Hate that I'm the only person that I know of who pays attention to him and who actually cares enough to stick with his decisions and help him out honestly. ( Though with me, comes my family and my friends which if it got bad enough, I'm pretty confident we'd all pitch in in some way, no matter if it's just a "good luck" or whatever. ) Hate that his own mother views him like that. As just something to take from and use. Ugh. I want to think she can have thoughts like an actual parent, that she can care about him, but she hasn't done anything to show it. She just treats him like a personal slave. x__x Graaahhh. |
Sometimes supporting the one that need support is the best way to help Mei.
I know what you are feeling when it comes to the gushy stuff my fiance and I are like that ourselves. |
Lol I keep thinking I see the light on my phone flash yellow ( when it's yellow, it's not a number I have in my lists, so I know it's not her since she always calls from her phone. ) so I keep freaking out for a split second thinking it might be him.
I'mprobablytired. But I wont be able to sleep yet. @__@ |
Mei, take my advice go to sleep you'll be no use to him if you're tired.
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Lol, I know, but I really can't yet. If I lay down by myself in a room now, I'll just overthink myself an ulcer again. @__@
Or an ocular migraine festival. It always happens when I overthink. Been doing my best not to. |
Then draw something Mei
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My mood is like the origin of things I draw so right now, I'm too edgy and worried to be inspired enough. @__@
I might tomorrow, when I've slept on it and calmed down more. I'm alright compared to past situations. Haven't gone temporarily blind and I haven't needed any pain meds yet. xDDD ( I joke because it's true OTL +pitiful unmanlyman+ ) |
~Cuddles more~ Mei, sometimes taking a blank piece of paper and letting your hand wander is a good way to get things out, or write an angry letter and burn it.
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What I've been doing tonight/this morning has been the best for me, actually. For me, having people hear what I need to say is what helps me get it off my chest. ( I've tried the rant in private stuff, and it's only made me isolated OTL )
Tomorrow/later after I manage to sleep will be a good start. I'll probably be all "YEAH LETS DO THIS" and magically gain confidence about everything, lol. |
If you ever need to rant about anything send me a pm... I'm a good listener.
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Thanks ^^;
Just a little cautious because I tend to rant a lot. xD That's my own problem though |
You could rant hourly for all I care, I'll listen no worries.
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I suppose that woman needs to get a straight jacket, kagu is right.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I think it's best you find out first if he's okay, he's safe somewhere or just as far as he can from his abusive mom. Then, as much as possible, block the accounts but never delete any chat history and such. It's best to contact the police because it might go out of hand soon. |
Where I live, the police can do something about that. I still don't understand why you don't call them regardless? If they can't do anything, they'll say so. If they can, then something will be done.
It's really stupid to wait for it to escalate before calling too because then you don't have a record of filed reports. If there's not enough to go on yet, they still file a report which could really make a difference in your case. It proves there was a history to it if it gets out of hand, so you should probably call anyway. |
You need to call the police. The worst thing they can do is say nothing can be done, seriously, they can't even charge you money for it. Like Mika said, establishing a case history is actually very important, as in the future if this keeps up it will hold more and more against her.
As for the guy, you guys should have worked out some way to stay in contact, or he should go to a public library or something. I hope you hear from him soon. To those saying that parents shouldn't treat their kids this way...Well, while that may be true, it has sadly become the normal, actually the publicly acceptable and praised, thing to do. |
People have their own measurement of punishment. What might be acceptable for them may not be for you, but this is abuse we're talking about, not punishment. Punishment has some sort of justification. A "REASON" if you will. The fact that anything this woman thinks of that she doesn't like is the devil, and she'll f*** her son up over it. . . THAT'S abuse. I'd show up at her front door covered in red with a pitchfork and whip the holy hell out of her. Ironic justice.
But agreed. Call the po-po even if just to keep it on file, and give them as much information as you can. Best of luck to both you and your friend. I hope he's doing very well for himself. |
I've pretty much decided to call the police if she starts again tonight. She hasn't done anything all day, but that could be because she goes out and sells stuff on the streets ( I don't think she's ever had a regular job ) so she could just be busy.
I live with other people, so I wanted their advice as well; I was told to ignore the calls for now, but if it continued tonight, the police would be involved. Here's hoping she doesn't do anything. =A= Thanks for all the response though; I really appreciate it. I hope he's alright too ( obviously OTL ) and like I've said before, waiting is always the hardest part. |
Just on the ringing police part if she is harassing you right now call 911, if not call the local police station. They do appreciate that as it's not an "immediate" emergency.
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what ashy said pretty much fits, however for the record, she legally isn't allowed to harass you OR her son like that. since i'm not a lawyer i can't go into full details, but all i can say is SAVE AND RECORD EVERYTHING, that way you can get a restraining order, even if only temporary, because this is the kinda thing you DON'T let happen.
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**Cuddles Cagey** <3 I don't really have any additional advice to give, but good luck. I hope everything works out and your boyfriend is okay.
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Well, new things happened.
This could be one of two things. I'm really cautious because for one, his mother has harassed me a lot before. I want nothing to do with her, because she is abusive and wants to manipulate everyone, including me. And it wont work. But today, I got a message from his account on facebook, which was tip number one; He knows I hardly use facebook. If he were to contact me online, it would've been through YIM. But at the same time, I have no idea if it's like the fastest way he could say anything to me or something like that. Second tip was his way of typing was way off. It didn't seem like him, but again, idk if he was being bothered or rushed. Third tip; he seemed to be giving up too easy. I asked for something only me and him know about, but he picked something that's on facebook to give to me, so that wasn't solid enough that it was him. So I still don't know. But I sent, in hopes that no matter who it was - if it was him, he'd see that someone did care about him and what I thought of him, and if it was her, she'd see what I thought of him too - about how he's a great person, makes good music and had a passion for it, as well as writing, and didn't deserve being abused. That I was hoping no matter what happened that he'd be alright and no matter how long it took that he could definitely make it on his own two feet. I said I wasn't shallow enough to give up just because someone else told me to. If it turns out that he's not told me something, or lied about anything ( I don't think he has, but I've got to consider all possibilities here ) it's going to wreck me far worse than anything else. This is looking so similar to what happened a couple years ago. And that had already messed me up enough. But this isn't about me. Right now, focus should be on him. Just have to keep waiting to see how things turn out for him and if he's alright. Just never know what I can believe and if that was really him or not. And I wanted to put this public because if things did go more insane than they already are, I've got it down as it went, and people have seen it. I'm saving everything, remembering everything and putting it down as I've heard and experienced it, so if anything happens, there wont be confusion or a mess. I think that's a good idea, probably. I hate that I can't help him, but I'm thousands of miles away. That frustrates me the most. I wish there were more honest people so there wouldn't be so much suspicion about whatever I've said. She's convinced that it's all my fault, and apparently, according to whoever was talking to me, he is "not allowed" to speak to me anymore. Because a virgin who has never touched drugs, alcohol or cigarettes, nor have they been arrested or in trouble for anything in their life, can be the worst influence on a person. -___- Sucks that the world is made up of idiot hooligans that make honest people look suspicious. It's all so unnecessary. |
Sorry for the double post, but new stuff happened again.
He managed to contact me himself. I was right; this morning it was his mother trying to impersonate him to manipulate me and/or make me give up. But that didn't and wont work. Not on me. I'm so, so glad he's okay. He also seemed in good spirits. Police were involved but it seemed like it wasn't as bad as it could've been. I'm so relieved. And I also know he's not breaking under pressure as well. I told him everyone along with me were behind him, and that he should focus on his own future. Sooner or later, he'll be truly happy, and hopefully maybe his mother will realize what she's doing isn't right. Maybe sometime she'll get the guts to admit what she's doing. Maybe turn it around and finally be a better person. My mom's been helping with information, and the next time I see him, I'll be telling him to go to a public defender, tell them exactly what has been happening. Ugh, I'm so relieved. |
I'm happy for you Mei. Both you and your friend.
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I'm so relieved he's alright! Good for you for not backing down on your support, and good for him for being so happy with his newfound freedom. I'm really glad this is all working out.
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He's not free yet; apparently she called the police to get him back to her. So he's back with her for right now. I'm going to suggest he get a lawyer and talk to them about all the things she's done, though, and do what he needs to in order to get his own life. But yes, all I'm worried about was if he was okay, and he is, so it's alright. And I'm happy about that.
@__@ Man, what a couple of days this has been. |
@.@ Oh man. So is he still a minor? I think getting a lawyer would be a great idea, anything to get him in control of his own life.
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No, he's 19. The only problem is he gets SSI for ADHD, but that's the only issue he has, and she takes his checks. She tries to scam and manipulate the system by saying he's incompetent ( but anyone who talks to him can tell there's no way he is. ) so she's got him under her thumb with it, for right now. This is why when he got back on for a moment, I told him he could go to a public defender for free, and they'd help him. Once he talked to a lawyer, get his own bank account that she doesn't have control over, go to the SSI place and tell them that she's stealing them and have them redirected to his own account so they're sent to him like they're originally intended. Suggested also, after that, to go to a safe house. But I emphasized the lawyer the most. With his side on record, that will be his biggest help. He said he would do it. So all I can do is hope it all goes the best for him. He's in a tough place right now. @__@
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Yeesh, that's a crazy thing to have to go through...
My friend has Spina Bifida and is on disability. Her parents take her cheques, and she's 21. They won't let her get a job, and she wants to move out, too. Bleh. No where near as bad as what he's had to go through though. I hope things turn out for the best in the end. :/ |
So, I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I do know that phone harassment is illegal and you can press charges.
And I really just wanted to say that posting everything here is such a smart idea, and will really help his case. I hope you two stay strong, and beat this woman at her own petty game. He sounds like a great guy and I'm sure he will be able to pull through. <3 |
He went and got himself a lawyer!
Cops were involved, he has a case against her fjhasfjhasdfj Things are going so well for him, so fast! +points to first page+ dhflasdfjhlasdfjh I can't express how happy I am @A@ |
this is great!
by the way, that avi, wow<3 |
I know, I can't imagine how happy he is about this right now too. I told him from now on, it's just going to get brighter, future-wise. @ u @
And thanks xD |
dude i hope it does<3
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