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TW: Depression Central
Whenever I try to open up about my depression, I am shot down. I am reminded that pretty much everyone I know struggles with depression and/or anxiety.
I can't stop picking my fingers, to a point where they are scarred and bloody. My boyfriend can't support my emotional states, so I keep it inside. I've been feeling so dissociated and so distant, but I feel like I have to remain charming and happy so I don't bring anyone else down. And not only that, I just feel like its not a big deal. Someone's got it way worse than me. So I hide in my pain, I bury myself in blankets and I sleep for 12 hours. I used to take 6 different medications for my schizo-affective disorder, and after I got ECT (electro-convulsive therapy), I thought I was better. To my dismay, it was only a short amount of time before my anxiety, depression, dissociation and PTSD triggers returned. I don't want to go back on medications. I don't want to go to therapy, they always send me to the hospital just for letting out my emotions. I feel alone. I just want to sleep my life away.... There. There's that. Hope I didn't make anybody else sad... dontevenknowwhyimpostinghtis |
Fuck anyone who dismisses your depression. It is important because it is happening to you. Also, there is no hierarchy of trauma. what you are dealing with is valid, and deserves treatment. You are not alone, either. And the therapists who just send you to the hospital just for expressing your emotions suck. I believe in you, and if you ever want someone who will just listen, shoot me a PM. *offers hugs*
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Listen to Den. Just because other people also have a problem doesn't mean that yours is any less. You are the one living your experience, so don't try to compare yours to others. No two people handle trauma the same way so even though you may feel that their situation is way worse than yours, it doesn't mean the toll it is taking on you is any less. It's ten kinds of bullshit that your therapists aren't even attempting to help you work through your situation. Do you have an option of a referral to a different, perhaps more qualified mental health professional? It's your health, don't let anyone else make you feel like it isn't important.
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So what if other people have it worse? What matters in the end is you! *hugs*
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Hey.
Talk to us whenever you need to. A lot of us have similar experiences, so we understand, and those of us who want to listen, will. |
Indeed, there are lots of people here willing to listen. I don't myself have depression, but my wife does, so I've got a dozen years of experience in supporting someone in that kind of situation.
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Wow that's deep. :( Hope you'll feel better!
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Thanks everyone for reading and listening. I appreciate the thoughts and concern.
I need to find myself a therapist again and try and help myself a little better. I hope I haven't made anybody feel bad, you all are amazing creatures. <3 |
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