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True or False Hope?
I guess I should start kind of from the beginning. I had been dating a guy, Zac, for about a month. We get along great. We both read (similar genres), music tastes are close, how we view things in general match. I had thought everything was fine. I went to ask him where we stood, relationship wise. He was like "Oh. I like you, but I'm thinking just friends." Yet he sat there with his fly undone and my head in his lap (nothing explicit happened that night).
I asked if we could talk about it since I was hurt by this fact. His reason was "I do like you, but I'm unsure I could love you that way." Once I was home and my mind calmed, I texted him and said to not count me out yet and he had said okay. I wonder if I should even bother trying to be with him. I do like him a lot and I know a few friends tell me it's too early for him to worry about love but how would I even go about asking him to give it a chance. A month isn't very long. Or am I just full of false hope and doomed to fail? |
If he isn't interested by now, he probably won't come around anytime soon. You could try to be friends and see if it will work out, but unless you get over him only being friends will just set you up for alot of heartache.
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Myself, I'm a person who generally knows right away how close I can get to someone. I'm not sure about everyone else, or Zac...but with his answer he might be either not sure or just being non-committal. It's true that a month isn't very long...
I'm not sure what to tell you Liosh. I'm always nervous about giving relationship advice since my own experiences are so far out of the normal (from what I can tell from others anyway). |
Thanks. I figure I'm wasting my time trying to be with him, but part of me wants to show him he was wrong. And in the meantime, another guy is trying to date me. He knows the situation and I feel bad because it's probably hurting him.
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Whatever you do it's probably best to do it for your sake and no one else's. I know it seems selfish but if you're not happy it's hard to make others happy too ;)
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Just be friends... No harm in that. He sounds like he is honest and that is good. I know many guy friends of mine are like that. One in particular is like that and it is because I am not exactly what he is looking for, even though he did state that I am perfect in so many ways. It happens to be that I have a child, I am older then he is use to, I am an Atheist (even though that does not bother him that much) and a few other things. But I am generally only girl who likes him more then any other currently. Most girls he goes after are catty, flirty but never interested in him. They usually say he is too nice or too fat for them. :/
He always ends up thinking of dating me or even having a relationship, saying he feels dumb for not going for it (even though we tried). I essentially view him as a friend and never will think of him as a boyfriend until the time comes. That is your best bet. It is best to see how he goes with it and being friends can have its rewards. |
I'm going to try just being friends with Zac. If something more happens from it then I'll be elated. But I asked this other guy who is interested in me to give me about two weeks to sort things out before we make plans. He also lives about an hour away (This new guy). Thank you.
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Its been a month so it would be idiotic to jump into any kind of relationship period.
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Some people just find it hard to say I love you at the beginning of the relationship. He's probably moving slower than you, you need to slow down and be reasonable. How long have you known each other? |
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Wait. So you're already setting up a rebound relationship? That raises a red flag for me. |
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Good relationships can take time to build. He didn't say that he couldn't love you, correct? Take it slow and be open with each other. Sometimes the best relationships start with friends, that has been my experience at least.
Setting up a back up guy already? It makes it seem you have no faith in your relationship with Zac and have already counted him out. A month isn't that long, I knew my girlfriend for three months as friends before we even started dating. We are still together six years later and have a strong, open relationship. |
My boyfriend used to be my friend. I kept telling myself he was like an older brother, but a friend's party proved to me that i was completely lying to myself. But since i was already in a relationship i couldn't do anything about it until about 6 months later, when a friend set us up declaring that he'd had enough of me beating around the bush.
Hoshi's right; sometimes it's best to start as friends and go from there. It can be surprising what happens. Me and Luke have been together nearly three yers now, and although it took us a month or two to say "i love you" (he actually said it at midnight New Year's Eve) we've never looked back and still feel the same as we did those early months. We have arguments, but what couple doesn't? Take it day by day and see what happens, i have a good feeling that you might be surprised, but from which quarter i couldn't say. |
A month is no time at all in my mind. Most of my friends I've known for over 6 years (at least) some I've known for like my entire life.
A month isn't long enough to think that nothing's happen and so there is no hope. But you also need to realize that nothing may ever happen. Sometimes it is better that way. (Such as one boyfriend I had-he made me very happy and ruined all that by cheating on me, now I'm worse than what I was before he came along) Be content with friendship. If you get nothing more, you have a good friend. If you get more, make sure to make it last. And don't just have sex because he wants it. |
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