and i accidently realized something
 

i was sitting here at my desk reading fanfiction, a pastime that is literaly as old as my usage of the internet outside of mandatory class usage(i accidentally stumbled over it my first week in while looking for a book) when i came to a dirty part, now i always skip the porn and near-porn i stumble over but it has always been as much to avoid my parents' questions as much as to just not have to read about the largest 'melenium rod' the authoresss could come up with

the long and short of it is i was skipping over this section of text when i got paraniod my parents would come into my open room and see it. i have not lived in my parents' house in 6 months, it did not occure to me that i /still/ don't get that i live in my own house almost an hour away or at the very least i'd be able to hear them pck the lock on the front door

this bothers me greatly, i know i am not a complete idiot, hell i know more about more things than a lot of people /especialy/ the weird mental and habitual barriors and blocks the mind makes up to defend itself and prevent the over burdoning of it with ever changing information, how can i be so terribly blind to something i not only know but /understand/ as well?



anyway i needed to turn on my comp and vent even if it isn't to my mindless followers and standard assorted strangers

well...that sensation never really goes away. I've been out of my parents home since I was 17, living on my own with no one to say anything and I STILL jump when I hear 'heavy' footsteps on the stairs and feel the intense need to put things away. Sadly, we get conditioned for certain responses(like dogs, hi pavlov) and they're hard to break off. Just because you know it doesn't mean you've been conditioned to it yet :)


and don't skip the pron! sometimes it's the only decent part of the fic LMAO

so i may always want to close my door for 'privicy' i don't need and keeping the liveingroom tidy when my bedroom is still a wreck? damn, i feel bad to think it though less so then when i thought it meant i was one of the dumb ones(i figured it'd be like driving, once you realized there were motercycles you'd start seeing and avoiding them)



tch, all porn does is put icing on the cake, f it is a good cake the icing is not needed and eating it just for the icing will just give you diabetes

beware of lost connectivity during a post, it leads to double posting and on occasion triple posting!

lol i still delete my history on my laptop, even though my parents never go on it ><

I've never really worried about that sort of thing except perhaps at work, and I don't read fanfiction on the computer here (partially because it's blocked), but rather on my phone. I don't blame you for your instinctual reactions, though, as most parents don't want their kids knowing about the nasty dirty side of life until they're like... thirty. *grins* I grew up in a less-than-average home, so I never really had to worry about it.

I am picky about my lemons, though. I don't like certain words (the word "c***" for one as it just pisses me off), certain 'visuals', and I'm not really big on male/male (though I do enjoy it if it is tastefully done). If some story is nothing but these lemony 'moments', then I usually go and look for something else.

Perhaps you'll become better about it after some time. At least you know that you don't have to worry too much about being caught, even though it'll probably take some time for that fact to sink in.

hm, maybe, i do hope so

Some things you'll move beyond, but anything that ties into a strong emotion(panic, anger, happiness, fear) will be harder to break. I can now leave my bed unmade and not care, but I cannot leave dishes in the sink. We're a strange animal, but we're still just an animal and conditioning is hard wired at times.

you blashpemer, good cake always need icing!

I do this too Chocobo;
I've been living on my own for almost a year and I keep freaking out because they could just come over whenever and invade my home.
My fears are real. They could just show up whenever. They have keys to get it. I've literally been losing my mind.
Last weekend my mother sent over family to see me because I was skipping out on a family reunion. So as my punishment, I never received a phone call from any of the people involved. My Father called and said, "well just so you know... etc."
I hate it.
Next time. I'm not giving them keys.
I'm sick of this shit.

(Had to give them keys. They made me. "Oh well its your first place and blah blah blah....")

O.o
wow, I would change the locks, or add a secondary one so they have the 'keys' but not all of them. The only family member that has keys to my house is my brother, and well, I trust him more than most of my friends.

i'm with fey, what a good way to go bald fast^^:


<< fey is a pervert?

define 'pervert'? lol
though if someone were to randomly open my computer to my picture section they'd think I was with all the naked base bodies I have divided up into folders. And various mostly naked pose references LMAO But to find anything really dirty on my computer you'd have to search haaaaaaaard.

I can't change the locks
Its not that easy
I'm in an apartment
x.x;

lmao, my father /still/ thinks base=porn hahahaha~ and none of it is with details or in 'sexy' poses hahahaha~



and what if we look in fey's written documents hhmmmmm?!


ask the manager to change them, he is allwed

Choco - Meh, this feeling never ceases XD; I was away for 8 months myself, was always scared my parents would walk in one of those nights I stayed on the phone with you for 10 hours and flip shit. ;3

And....just come live with me? You won't need pronz <.<

>.>

;D

what, my house is great, you have to come here and let me drool from the comfort of my bed<3