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The reason why I lived to this day is because my multiple suicide attempts failed since I was 11

I'm going to risk sounding insensitive, but how is this an issue of any sort? O_o

The issue is that I don't want to be like this and I think I have a problem with this reading. I wonder if action will be able to change all this, because I don't this kind of future. I was expecting more, something big and I also believe I am capable of doing it.