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Please excuse this thread. I feel horrible for posting this when so many people right now are trying to grieve for a friend..
If one of the mods could delete this, please do. I feel absolutely terrible that I didn't see any of this before posting my selfish stuff, seriously, I'm sorry. x__x

well sweetie, i only know of two ways to attempt fixing it in a suicide free way, the first is talking with those who know you and can theoretically help which you are not interested in doing, and throwing yoursef into something creative that can be given to others, personally i draw, i draw lots. it is something i can give away when i feel bad and it makes people happy, you could take up a creative outlet and do that, through the full weight of your existence into it and bleed for that, it takes away from you and it is in theory productive

If you need help we are here for you. Its not selfish. We don't want to lose another person. We can grieve and help at the same time.

What mizzy said. If you need help. We are here