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Put her headphones on my ears and blast metal so loud my brain pops.

Point-blank shot to the head >.>

...or heart, if you want less of a mess.

death by pancake

They would tapdance and while I was running away from the evil tapdancing they would spear me in the back.

accurate

feed me fatty foods until i had a heart attack

Hmmmm....probably whap me a few times to get my attention and then run me through with the spear.

Freeze me completely and let me sit there >.>

She would um...judo chop my throat.

He'd make me watch the Resident Evil movies, after which I'd claw my own eyes out. o n o

A strong dislike for zombies or Resident Evil?

She's make my ears bleed with her headphones set to MAX.

The Resident Evil Movies. Love the games, love the zombies. RE Movies just...no. >.<

Beat me over the head with my own headphones. Owwies!

explode my ears with the noise maker

She would sic her deadly wolf on me.

Cut me open and decide to replace my joints with cogs and heart with a stem engine, I would die during surgery.

She would tie me to the bed and probably force me to watch a decent number of "chick flicks" until my eyes bled/my brain dissolved...love you babe.

He would become the Original Zombie in HvZ and then ask for a kiss....