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i got another ask asking if i had social anxiety.
i'm anxious in fuckin general.
gestures!!

also, a summary of last fucking night:
> fuck up with a friend because you don't have much of a filter
> friend leaves the server
> realize that you fucked up
> want to apologize, friend is still. not on the server
> cry for 3 hours.
> finally go to bed at 5 am.
> tired as hell today.
> still want to fucking die.

If I said everything that is going wrong today it would be a REALLY long post.

So..... I'll just say I want a break from life. :')

Am just tired and cranky af tonight.
And can't even go to bed when I get home because I need to get as much done as possible on a loom project, which I won't get done tonight, but the more I get done tonight, the less I have to struggle with tomorrow.
And it is killing my wrists. I should see if I can find my wrist braces to wear to bed tonight. They don't help too much, but make it slightly less likely that I'll sleep weird on my arms and further kill my wrists.

> vent in a server about being more suicidal than usual
> not suicidal enough to actively be suicidal
> literally too lazy to do shit.
> have to be up earlier just for a fucking bank appointment because THERE'S NO OTHER BANK BRANCHES IN THIS SHITTY LITTLE TOWN
> still fucking sore as hell from that situation with a friend
> still owe them an apology, they haven't come back on the server yet
> not even sure if apologizing will help or make them feel the slightest bit better
> don't want to bother them in DMs because of aversions to actually DMing people.
> i hate this.
> also nobody responded to me being more suicidal than usual so that really tells me that people hate me, clearly.
> purrson i have a crush on is planning on dating someone else.

Jfc, just noticed that my phone is only at 35% battery, which means my new charge cord, which had been working just fine for the last week, has decided it doesn't want to work.
Am hoping I just didn't have it fully secured last night and not that it's broken.
XP

I'm tired
Not normal tired
But so tired I want to scream

do not try talking to me unless i've had an energy drink. i will not be able to process what you're saying.

Aaaaah, I can feel my period coming on! >~<; It's knocking on the door and I gotta answer it, ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. >x{ Pre-cramping, whyyyyy?

Wellp. 8]
Here I go again, feelin' like a huge inadequate, idiotic, incompetent, introvert.
<x} And not wanting to take care of myself or the things I'm supposed to take care of.
I just wanted to relax and de-stress with a good crying movie and some time alone. ;_; Buuuuuuut, everyone just needs me to pick up their messes, and I guess my keyboard is just going to keep misbehaving. <x'{ And my mum is not in the mood for me at all, except for me doing chores and so that's what I guess I'll do. =_= Then totally shut myself away in my music and sheer boredom of existing or whatever, since I can't write with a keyboard this stupid...ugh.

*pokes at Mer*
Do I need to make you a merdragon buddy for teh feel-good hugs and cuddles? Because I swear, I will make you a merdragon buddy...
8P

>3> Mer-dragons are an aesthetic of mine...

<-< I just gotta take my frustrations out, sailing the Caribbean, pillaging stuff and sinking ships, so I don't upset the dragon buddy.
>:{ Makin' the most rotten pirate scowl rn. >x{ grrrfh!

Lol. Time to put a chubby little merdragon baby on my craft list!

It's 10:30. o-o; I should go to sleep. >~<; I gotta wake up sorta early.
<-<; For...class. *cough cough*

Why do I feel like devouring an entire house when it's this time of the month ;n;

Between my brain and the weather, today is already awful. And I haven't even made it to work yet.
XP

tired. a lot of things are aching or twinging.

mutters quietly about crush dating someone else. i vaguely want to see the both of them, but the least i could do is be happy for them.