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Suzerain of Sheol

#161

Ah, alas, these are dark times, sir.

In other news, I do have a new poem, but I fear it will not translate to the forum format well.

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Arsis_von_Neaera

#162

I believe in you.

Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."

Suzerain of Sheol

#163

I seem to have found the solution. All thanks to your unwavering faith in me. ;)

Is meant to be read in alphabetical order by columns, but you can always try it other ways too. :p

I'm strongly considering cutting the last W stanza, as I think the V stanza ends it much better.

Edit: I see errors already. X__X Oh, well, spotted them in time for class at least.

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Suzerain of Sheol

#164

Update, has a new shape...

Ignore my cursor near the bottom >_>

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Suzerain of Sheol

#165

I'm not too proud of this one, just kind of wrote it on a whim. Was trying to play with sound a little bit. Blah.

Afternoon Apocalypse

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Quiet Man Cometh

#166

I like that one actually :) (and nice job on the update. I like what you did with it. Seems very you. ;))

You have the aliteration down, what I would suggest it paying more attention to vowel sounds in between. These are my favourite lines here, soundwise:

"letting ourselves wait for an easier salvation
despite that we were helplessly drowning in
our own appetites, brazen starvation"

I like the long 'a' sounds in wait and salvation, brazen, and the rhyme -which surprised me- with 'starvation.' There are long 'i' sounds too with 'despite' and 'appetite.'

Not so fond of the last line, I guess because it feels more decorative rather than substanial. Overall I like it though. :). Go send it somewhere! :p

Tea?

Suzerain of Sheol

#167

I'm going to bring it class tomorrow and see what they think of it. May go work on it some more afterward, will take your comments under advisement. :)

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Suzerain of Sheol

#168

New one. The form looks different on the page, but this will work.

Astronomics

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Suzerain of Sheol

#169

1 month later...

Perception Rejection

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Quiet Man Cometh

#170

Playing with form again?

When my brain works out all those definitions I might have something more to say about it. Feels less like a poem and more of a concept playground.

:)

Tea?

Suzerain of Sheol

#171

*cringes at rusty writing gears*

Radiant Decisions

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Suzerain of Sheol

#172

So glad I'm keeping my one-poem-a-month quota *rolls eyes*

Possibly [M] on this one, just in case.

Subsistence, Post-Eschaton

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Suzerain of Sheol

#173

I... don't even know what this is, but, my God, I'm not about to look a gift-muse in the mouth.

Someone tell me what this means.

Not of This World

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

Quiet Man Cometh

#174

Would you be dreadfully disappointed if I told it reminds me of another poem?

I'm not sure I know what that one was either.

Tea?

Rigel

#175

Reading over your poetry = I'm in love with it all.
Afternoon Apocalypse made my heart swell.

　
　
　
　
Rigel's a star.

You can find me on:
ficpress + tumblr + last.fm

✦

GROUP FOR WRITERS & BOOKWORMS
　
　
　

Suzerain of Sheol

#176

Wow, um, thank you!

I have to ask, though, what did you like about that one? I've always put in in my pile of "meh" poems, personally. :p

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.

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