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My grandma now has reverted into an infantile state of being, as now she cannot do anything for herself except to murmur, shout, and try to communicate her needs. <x/ She slept nearly all day yesterday, wasn't eating or drinking much, and didn't move from her bed. <:/ She just can't sit herself up, let alone drink or eat anything on her own. Her memory's gotten worse since she can't seem to remember where she is or who we are anymore...

<-<; She was also awake all night talking to people in her memory that weren't there, and was delusional all throughout. Saying stuff like, "Tommie, don't smoke in the house!"
"So what did you do today? What dress-how you-mbe...Stana, did you have fun?"
and
"Never, no. Don't-...can I help you? Oh-!...Blssp..can tell me. Uh yi yi." It was a horrible way to see her. <->; And she actually woke me up by randomly shouting, "Hey! What did I say? You-Ruby, no. Go change, that skirt is too short!" <x] Which was kinda funny, but she also let out a bunch of laughs and groans that sounded more like they came from a demented old lady than my grandma. <8[ Which was sad.

<:c The Nani I knew is gone now. <:[ In her place is a quickly deteriorating, helpless, shell of a lady, and it hurts to just think of how much more worse it can get. <_>; She vomited up her mucus last night, had to help change her and the bedsheets. She was hallucinating as I was watching her, and that was kinda hard to deal with. <:c I kept her calm and answered her back and made sure she was alright, but I was scared she might forget to breathe...and she kept staring at me as if she didn't know me, which she probably doesn't anymore.

=~- Needless to say, being up at night from 1 to 4 am took it's toll, but I got to rest at least while my mom watched her until she slept again. <->; Is it bad to sort of want her death to happen soon, just to end her pain and worries? Or is it just my own wishful thinking, so I don't have to see her like this?...I don't know.

But I woke up hungry, went back to sleep, T-T and woke up later on to my mom putting on her church's sunday mass on the TV. I guess she needs it, now that her mom is pretty much dying, and I get it. It's for her to find her peace and cope with her pain in seeing her last parent on the way out of the doors of life. <Bc But for me, I realized I'm not gonna get any more sleep today, so I got up, and made myself some oatmeal. =_= Because it feels like an oatmeal day. I just wanna get out of the house today. I don't wanna be here, but there's not many places I can really go to relax. <B/ So maybe I'll pick my brother's brain for ideas.

Speaking of which, our birthdays this year are probably going to suck... >-=; For me, possibly more than last year's birthday, when I was really sick and in pain. >->; I also have a doctor appointment tomorrow, but I'm not sure if they'll ask me to leave, as most medical appointments are now canceled unless it's urgent...