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Granted but when they send them back to you they put someone else's lenses in by accident and now you have to send them back again!

(Terrible about the guac D: water guac? seriously? that's so gnar D:)
I wish I would remember to dip my pizza in the ranch before I eat my last slice. . .
(I always think about it after the fact)

Granted! But the one time you remember to dip your pizza, you dip it into a sauce you're allergic to instead of ranch.
I wish I had a bowl of alphabet soup.

Granted but it is missing more then half the alphabet and keeps spelling out swear words to you. . .

I wish Frosted animal cookies didn't cost so much D:

Granted! But they changed the recipe around and now they taste like garbage.
I wish that we could cut down trees and use them however we needed to and however wastefully we wanted to without harming the environment.

Granted, trees now grow back super fast. So whenever you cut one down, you just have to wait a couple of minutes for the next one to respawn. However after a while the trees notice they are able to claim back all territories man stole from their cold bare twigs centuries ago. Every city overgrows and soon all that's left of modern civilization are mere memories. The environment is doing better than ever.

I wish it wasn't too hot to sleep in my room right now.

Granted! But now it's much too cold...
I wish I could win every online auction I ever entered.

Granted! But at the end of the year you've spent too much money on auctions!

I wish animals could human-speak.

Granted, but now your pets blackmail you with all those dirty little secrets they found out over the years.

I wish I knew what to put into my forum sig.

Granted! But then you'll think of something even better and then forget how to change your signature again.
I wish I had psychic abilities, but only selectively, so I'd only know the outcomes of situations I wanted to know the outcomes of and not EVERYTHING about the future.

Granted, but those abilities only show when you're completely intoxicated.

I wish no one will ever be harmed anymore because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Granted, but the world will nonetheless still find idiotic reasons to pick on people who are different.
I wish I could fly!

Granted, but you get sucked into a plan turbine.
I wish I could rule the world.

*nods to Twinkle* So sad and yet so true.

Boris, I gift you a ruler and a drawing of the world cut from unruled paper. You're free to do whatever you please to it, rule it, checker it, draw obscene stuff...

I wish I could study at a renowned university.

Granted! But the huge tuition will leave you penniless.
I wish I had a pet.

You do now! But the doggo ate all your shoes and peed on your clothes.

I wish I could sing well.

Granted! But as you rise to stardom, the fame and fortune goes to your head and you wind up losing all of your friends.
I wish my hair had a natural wave or curl to it!