Log In

Poor willis,

*Pets* 'f only something would come up.

meh, but nothing will and that's that and the whole month is garbage and I wonder if maybe I should have just stayed.

Stayed in Iowa you mean?

Yes. At least I had some means of social support there and no worse luck with jobs than I've been having here. It's no better here at all. Just warmer, and who honestly cares about that? I've already technically had more interviews in Iowa than I have here, and at least I had Ryan to be there for me. Now I have nothing.

Nothing at all...I see, maybe you should have stayed then.

i know you are here,. but you have your own things to deal with and can't exactly help me any differently with me living here than with me living there.

I can still visit more regularly I can find jobs for you to apply to if you want me to help you look online we can talk more frequently and if you have any kind of emergency I can make it to you. You said yourself that Ryan had maybe a year before he needed to get out of that apartment and face it, there was no way he'd be able to do that with you there, there are statistically more jobs here in NC than there are in Iowa and the inflation isn't as bad so when you do get a job it will be easier for you to find a place, just because you're not moving at the moment doesn't mean that there's nothing, Charlotte is a big city and jobs will be more numerous and accessible here than they ever will be in Carlisle Iowa. You knew when you got here that you'd get less emotional support but there was absolutely no way you could have stayed in Iowa the way it was going. I know it sucks balls but I still think this was the best option.

Besides, when I do get a job it will be easier for you to move in with me since you won't have to fly to get to me and there will be less costs to either Ryan or your family.

I know :s

cannot help feeling bad right now just the same, i feel like I am in a hole with no bottom, falling. The best I can hope to do is wave my arms frantically and keep from sinking too far too fast, but no matter how high I manage to force myself, I'll always keep falling and I'm never any closer to getting out.

Yeah I know, I know how you feel, while you were in Iowa I felt that way all the time, but you can't stay where you're at forever and you got an interview within a month of being here, that's still a hopeful sign, even if it doesn't feel like it. You've had days like this where you felt bad before, even in Iowa when nothing was getting done and Ryan slept all day or was too tired, but you managed to pull through it. You DO have more direction now and life WILL move forward eventually. Even if all you're doing is muddling through for now, I know what I'm talking about here, it will get better.

though to be fair... i have been depressed for an awfully long time now.

Indeed, seems like you've been fundamentally unhappy for the past year at least.

Doubt it will change any time soon...

Poor willis, what you need is ice-cream at the mall.

And it may not change soon, but as soon as I can manage I will have a place for us.

neh, but I need to have my own stuff before then. Some prospect of a job, at the very least...

I'm sure you will, Charlotte gets new jobs pretty regularly, something is bound to pop up. I haven't even gotten my degree yet.

Has Ryan at least mailed your computer?

Of course not, he still doesn't have a box for the monitor...