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I'm out of place, both physically and mentally, compared to what people know of me, and probably expect of me.

Over the past 2 days the following events occured:
- I recieved a court letter from juvenile court, convicting me of avoiding fares and calling in an audience to find out my conviction, which can be up to 2000 dollers and 48 hours of community service.
- My local library sent me a collection bill for a set of CDs I lent to my sister. I now owwe my Library 150 dollers
- I backed my mom's mercedes into my dad's chevy. The damage is likely to go beyond the 1000 to pay for it becuase of insurance premiums.

And each and every time my parents made the following statements which by now have dipped me beyond the bowels of depression:
- They have compared me to my younger brother, saying that I am worse than him, inferior to him, and imply that he is a much better son to them than I am.
- They say that I can / should do better, implying that it is my choice to make these mistakes, which they claim "fucks them over"

I'm going oer these things in my head and I've given up, mostly becuase a normal day like today should normally be only slightly below my comfort and satisfaction. My life sucks.

Then comes the argument that the future may be better, yet my major problems in dealing with these situations are the same problems that are going to effect me in the future. Combine this with my constant fear that I'm going to be a more destructive than constructive force in the world and I begin to feel as though the world would be better off without me.

The the argument that I could be welcome here may be/ may not be true, except that this is a forum, not the world in which people can make meaningful contributions to the world.

Overall, I feel like it's not worth the fight anymore. I've given up.

EDIT: Anyone can read this. more minds to try to convince me otherwise is better than one. I still no intuitively that people aren't going to want me to die.

Funk has me beat.

Guy I've dated for a month who said how he really likes me, asked me to move to Australia with him; just broke up with me saying he needs space to think things out. Deleted me off Facebook. Said he'd add me back on and promised to text me when he had enough time and how he wants to be friends definitely.

Thanks for trying anyways.
I'm really lazy and the time to get the materials to make a clean death will probably take a while so there's time.

well i sent you my response in a pm fuck with my story but i think every thing will work out its never worth it to end it i know i would miss you and so would tons of people on tris we all care for you

I don't want Funk to go. Nothing is bad enough to do that.

I had a very long talk with a close friend of mine, lio. You have to worry about me cutting life short for a a long time...

-Frowns.- Please don't.

thats good we dont want to lose the funk

So true Obbi.


I gotta sleep.

Where did everyone go? @_@

I'm severely pissed off. And theres a possibility I might rage hard on someone if they even LOOK at me the wrong way.

-Pulls a pillow over her head.-

What's wrong?

-sighs-

I weighed myself...

-_- You probably still are underweight sweetie.

111. HOW THE HELL AM I 111?!

But, I JUST got off of my period Saturday, and I'm wearing heavy PJ pants.
So I'm not sure its completely accurate. But I've been feeling like I've been binging SO much lately..

-_- I can't remember EVER weighing that little.