I don't see you like I used to. It's been a long time since then. Four strokes ago, if we're being blunt about it. You're waltzing over to your deathbed, and all I can think about is how I didn't realize how much I can't stand you sooner. I bet you didn't expect your kid to turn into this, did you? Well, this is what happens when you're so damn hypocritical around them. They were always supposed to be so smart, smarter than you, smarter than anyone in your entire family. But what did you do? What you've always done. You're the one that's always right. Of course. And they're supposed to be so mature, so wise, why wouldn't you let a child like that make choices about where their life will be headed! You wouldn't when they're only eight god damn years old, just went through surgery, and is still learning how this 'friendship' thing works because, guess what? They've been made fun of for the last three years they've been in school. How on earth could letting a child like that make a major life choice backfire? And now, now that it DID, you certainly don't trust them with anything else in their lives, do you? Oh no, you try to make the choices for them, without so much as a word of warning.
Daddy issues are a little cliche in this day and age, aren't they?
I wish I could tell you about the murder. Honestly, I do. And I wish I could tell you about the rape. It was only three years ago, you know. I was seventeen. I'd only just dropped out of school. Do you understand why I dropped in the first place? I wish that I could talk to you about everything. You make me feel like I can't. I hope the day will come when I really can, because I want you, both of you, to know everything... but let's face it. I can hear the way you cough, every day, until you get sick. I'm awake at those times, don't you remember? Have you started to see blood yet? You're a stubborn fool, you should have seen the doctor ages ago, money be damned. As if the issues you've already had weren't enough. You'd think that if you're so worried about what will happen to us, you'd at least try to take better care of yourself.
I've only hated one person in my entire life. Not the killers. Not the rapist. Not even you. But believe me when I tell you, if I wasn't already aware of how much I would regret it for setting those words in stone in my own head, I would hate you, too. As it is, I'm still trying by damnedest just not to be afraid of you anymore. I'll be praying for you, and everyone else in this household. I hope something changes before one of us is gone, because there will be no looking back.
Daddy issues are a little cliche in this day and age, aren't they?
I wish I could tell you about the murder. Honestly, I do. And I wish I could tell you about the rape. It was only three years ago, you know. I was seventeen. I'd only just dropped out of school. Do you understand why I dropped in the first place? I wish that I could talk to you about everything. You make me feel like I can't. I hope the day will come when I really can, because I want you, both of you, to know everything... but let's face it. I can hear the way you cough, every day, until you get sick. I'm awake at those times, don't you remember? Have you started to see blood yet? You're a stubborn fool, you should have seen the doctor ages ago, money be damned. As if the issues you've already had weren't enough. You'd think that if you're so worried about what will happen to us, you'd at least try to take better care of yourself.
I've only hated one person in my entire life. Not the killers. Not the rapist. Not even you. But believe me when I tell you, if I wasn't already aware of how much I would regret it for setting those words in stone in my own head, I would hate you, too. As it is, I'm still trying by damnedest just not to be afraid of you anymore. I'll be praying for you, and everyone else in this household. I hope something changes before one of us is gone, because there will be no looking back.
~Gal

Trisphee











