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You have found a forgotten Temple of Stolidius. His passionate followers, who called themselves the stolidites, believed in the superiority of illiterate, analphabetic minds. Each temple had a holy wall, just like the one you described. It served as a proof for all those smartypants heathens that the written word indeed can be dangerous to anyone who dares to read or write.

Why is there a gnome with a halberd behind the door who attacks everyone wearing clothes?

(That was a really good one.)

He's the guard for the bath house. If you're wearing clothes, you're breaking the rules. Why a halberd? Because there's a history of people trying to get in to see the sexy gnome women as they bathe, and when you're a gnome a halberd is good for dealing with tall folk.

Why is this weapon cursed so you can't let go of it if you pick it up?

The owner didn't want anyone stealing his weapon, so he blessed the weapon to stay with him forever. That was good for him, until he died and the weapon still wanted to stay with an owner forever.

Why does a jack-in-the-box spring out and start attacking when you break open that crate?

It would have done that if you opened the crate normally, too. It is, after all, a jack-in-the-box. But if you had just opened the top, it would have popped UPWARD instead of shooting out at random, and then you would have been fine.

Why is there an eldritch tentacle monster roaming the area?

Because she's looking for her grandkids. They're playing hooky again.

Why does this floor slope when you walk on it?

Poor engineering. It was meant to be a suspended chamber so they didn't have to run pylons all the way down to the cavern floor, but the tethers aren't rigid enough to keep the chamber level when the load inside is off-center.

Why are we walking on the ceiling?

The original inhabitants always fell up. So it made sense for them to design homes with floors to the sky.

Why does pie keep flying into the face of whoever opens the door?

Well, back in the day, clowns weren't seen as scary at all. You can say it was a training ground of sorts for the new clowns.

Why does the ceiling rend when you continue to the next corridor?

It's an observatory and the ceiling was supposed to open up to show the stars..the contraption aged too much so now it breaks instead.

Why are there so many tripwires in this room?

It's a central maintenance chamber. Each of those wires connects to a different part of the castle, and a servant can pull on them to move things around.

Why is there a bloody altar to a dark god as the central atrium of the castle?

Actually, that's the goalpost for jello fights. It belongs to a bunch of Samuel Jackson fans.

Ticked off toothmonster chasing me after I tripped over that bone. Whyyyyy?

You touched his favorite chew toy! Don't worry. once he's got it back, he'll stop chasing you.

What's with the well that has tentacles coming out of it?

Those are live decorations. The people who lived here had a fondness for weird sea creatures.

Why do you beam off into space when you reach the top of the grassy hill?

The top of a hill is obviously the best place to build an interstellar teleporter. You need a clear view of the sky and as much elevation as possible, so the top of a hill is good, and you need to have no obstructions, so there can't be any trees or rocky outcroppings.

What's the kobold tribe going to do now that they've abducted you?

Use you to reach the top shelves that their evil master's been hiding all the goodies on.

The glass bridge ends suddenly?!