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too tired to find better coping mechanisms

Been feeling down for some reason lately.
:/ *shrug*
Out of nowhere. For now reason. Hate when that happens..
maybe things'll get better later..maybe not.

hello migraine my old friend
i’ve come to talk with you again
because my vision’s slowly leaving
all i want to do is be sleeping

but the pain that you have planted in my brain
still remains
within the sound of silence

EDIT holy SHIT ow ow ow someone come take the fucking ice pick out of my right eye socket jegus fuck

you should probably get that checked out, espy. when possible.

daily awful: realizing that you're kinning excalibur umbra for a damn reason (i.e: shared grief over losing a family member [in my case, the family dog and one of our cats])

i think i realized this more than a few days ago actually.

It got better, mostly. There’s still migraine residue but whatever.

Umbra’s not a terribly unhealthy kin, now that I think about it. And DE is pretty damn good at making relatable characters.

mm, still. could be a sign of something worse.

ye. i actually have umbra coloured in black and red. the tertiary bits (usually coloured gold) are coloured as red, because i'm an edgelord.

Mhh. The first thing I did when I got Umbra was change his gold deco to silver, because gold’s the color of the oppressor :|

My Umbra palettes are either black/dark gray/purple/silver, or black/blue/cyan/silver.

...I use black as my base/accent a lot, obviously. (My Ash, NERFED AS HE IS, GODS I’M PEEVED, is tan/brown/black, with red and yellow energy/emissions.)

i just like black and red, man. and white.

actual daily awful: remembering that amazon exists and that technology could be used to help disabled people but is instead used for weirdly specific advertisements and shit like that instead of actually improving the world.

also microsoft and apple are lobbying for not being able to repair things. we should have the right to repair things, it's not a fucking service, it's physical shit that we have to be able to repair in the case it breaks. we can't always just buy another one.

Hi I'm getting my degree in a month and now life is a constant panic attack
I should not have had coffee today but I was so tired and now my heart's beating too fast but I wanna SLEEP like fuck I just want all this shit to end

oh, mood.

also tried to get a friend into the job offerings for this site, but they don't have a mastercard / visa card, which kinda sucks.

It is being used to help disabled people. The way progress in technology tends to go is that the R&D happens in a field where they can make money on it (research is expensive!) and then as things mature they start looking for more applications to help people. For example, I know that predictive text has been great for improving on input devices for paralyzed people. And I know the same kinds of models that are used for ad targeting are used for things like epidemiology. (I just today saw an article outraged that Google was working on healthcare research, so it's kind of a catch-22: if you're a big company, you're going to have people mad at you no matter what.)

"Right to repair" is kind of a bad name for it. You ALWAYS have a right to repair your stuff; the doctrine of first sale guarantees it. Neither Microsoft nor Apple are lobbying to change that. And it only makes sense that manufacturers aren't going to want to provide support if you've changed the product from what was sold to you; Chevrolet isn't going to help you if your car breaks down in the middle of the highway because you botched an at-home fix.

And so because people have latched onto this "right to repair" label, they misunderstand what the problem actually is, which means they're not able to fight it meaningfully. Your comment here demonstrates that problem -- you've been misinformed, so if an Apple fanboy were here replying to you they'd probably call you an idiot even though you're perfectly intelligent and you got it wrong through no fault of your own.

The problem is that Apple has for many years now done everything in their power to make sure that you can't get access to the parts and information you would need to perform the repairs. (They've also shifted to designs and manufacturing processes that are harder to repair even if you do have the parts and knowledge, but that's a side effect of improving technology, not an intentional thing.) Until very recently they wouldn't sell parts to anyone, and they've stopped putting diagnostic software on their systems, and they use (and sometimes abuse) the legal system to try to keep third parties from selling parts or sharing diagrams or software.

(Compared to Apple, Microsoft is pretty innocent. Their hardware is difficult to repair because of the manufacturing processes, and the security system makes it difficult to change the software, but neither of those are really unethical, just inconvenient. It's just a case of the things that you really do want under normal circumstances being things that get in your way when something goes wrong.)

ah, yeah, i was probably misinformed there.

My daily awful(s);
Anxiety has been kicking my ass lately... to the point of isolating myself to keep people safe.
My tummy has been feeling like shit lately, causing me to not go out or do anything fun even though the weather is FINALLY perfect for hanging out
I tried some vegan egg salad and it was nasty D:
Overall just feeling kinda down and not very friendly :(

"when she's eighteen she can pay for her medication herself"

wowie, i didn't know i was magically assigned to a job the second i turned eighteen, mummy! i'll go do some work to make sure i'm fit for the job i'm magically assigned to!

fucking git. as if i'll be able to find a halfway decent job in *this* economy. they're going to take the guy that has a college education over me. i didn't even finish secondary school!

Oooh :(
That sounds rough, Voidbarker!

Medication is extremely expensive (at least in USA it is) and even more expensive for psychiatric medication.
I don't know how it works in the UK, but is there anyway you could be a part of a mental health system?

Like an "early intervention" type thing? I don't know if CMHS could help somehow?

I couldn't afford my medication when I first started taking it. It literally cost me like $1k per month. Even with "discounts" it still cost around $50/month and I had no job at that time. Insurance is f***ed up here in the USA. D:

I now am on disability and I also have medical assistance from my state that allows me to pay only $2 to $3 per month for my medications.

I hope you are able to get the help you need.
I live in Los Angeles now with my parents, and if I'm being honest, if I didn't have my parents' support; financially, emotionally, etc, I would probably be dead or homeless like a lot of the people here.