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*pats Illusion on the head* You just don't know how to talk to women…. I got this

Go Tiva go!

*Eating popcorn*

.... O.O.
*Internal scars ensue*

*Comes back smelling like holly and pulling mistletoe out of her hair* Well we either just got a spy in the Order or I just married one of them…. either way it works

The Pines have prepared a Cedar Missile Strike. Somewhat like Orbital bombardment. Get me the location of Santa's elf-slave-making plants.

That is.. Uh. Congratulations I'm so happy for you?

Christmas is tomorrow and we are no where though.. What if we trump Santa by making a even better holiday? Like.... Coool... Present.. Awesome.. Majigger.. Day.

Yeah Likecoolpresentawesomemajigger Day!

Eh, it happens. Not like I don't end up married lots….

Yeah but what day will it be? And wouldn't that be ripping off the Catholics and All Saints day?

Well Santa does that same with his holiday...

The problem is that we need workers to make toys. So what if we free the elves and have them work for us? Then to transport the presents we... USE THE MAILING SYSTEM!

How about Boxing Day?

Amazing!
People will open up bodes full of nothing !

Or better yet. Bubble wrap.

We're going to enslave the slave-elves?

*Leaves a "Nietzsche" card*

No no no. They're jobs where they get paid. Since they're already skilled in toymaking it gives them a option to work and make some money.

Ah, okay. This radio-based brain scrambler should free them of Santa's mind control.
That, or these welding cutters on any control devices.

Free the Elves!

What if they're like the HP house-elves and don't want to be freed? Shouldn't we send a rep to meet them discreetly and put forward what we're ready to do?

GUYS. There's been sightings of our foe!

Neat tracker, even tells where he's headed in the next minute or two. RALLY OUR RALLIES FOLKS WE GOTTA INTERCEPT THIS GUY!