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Granted, but the only colors in the world will be brown, yellow, green and red.

I wish for new lamps in my living room for lighting reasons.

Granted, but the lamps are old oil lanterns and catch the place on fire.

I wish I was funny.

Granted, but you will not meet anyone who understands humor.

I wish people didn't need to breathe oxygen.

Granted. We now have to breathe a mix of Mercury and Arsenic. We're all dead now. Welcome to the Afterlife! It's like normal life, but with less philosophical value and real estate.

I wish for my infection to go away.

Granted, but in return you get a annoying rash behind your kneecap.

I wish my favorite bands stopped losing members D:

Granted. With the band disbanded and their membership 0, they can't lose any more members.

I wish it was 5 hours ago.

Granted, but you're now stuck in an eternal time loop.

I wish batteries wouldn't run out of power.

Granted, but they need to be on all the time!! All the electronics never off!!

I wish I wasn't so lazy

Granted. You are now forced to continuously work without sleep in jobs you hate.

I wish for a calmer temperament. (in other words, to be less hot-headed)

Granted,but now everyone is mad at you because you have no attitude

I wish I had already taken my shower

Granted. But now everywhere you go you are followed by a personal raincloud that never stops pouring.
I wish I could spend more time with my friends...

Granted, but now you have no time at all for your family.

I wish my shoulder wasn't hurting.

*waves staff* Your wish Has now been granted, but now every time you move it it will sound like clanky machinery is shifting.

I wish i Had some meat lovers pizza

GRANTED! But every pizza you have for the rest of your life will be the same as this one.

I wish my dog was a bit calmer at times.

OMFG YES! it's the only kind of pizza i eat >8D!

Granted, but now they're super lazy and dont want to move

So you mean she became just like her sister, my husbands dog XD