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I'm glad someone heard something about the story, because unlike you and the mole, I didn't see this whole thing coming. It was almost like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The best solution for that is an electric guitar so you can rock out.

That sounds like a shocking experience. I might stick with something with a little less spark, like Guitar Hero, but G, I guess I can't handle the heat.

I mean, you might think it's hot, but I really don't want to see your G string.

i have realized that i am an awful, awful person by creating this thread.

a french skeleton says bone-jour, by the way.

That's funny, because I have a French poodle with a bone appetite.

Did you know the difference between a cat tower and a baby butterfly is one is a cat pillar and the other is a caterpillar.

So you're saying... the difference between a scratching post and a butterfly larva is "er".

A man was once employed as a building painter. To try to save money and make his paint go farther, he would thin it down with turpentine.

The baptist church needed repainted, and this painter was able to offer to do the job for less cost than any of his competitors, so he got the job.

It was a clear day with a blue sky, and he brought his ladders and his brushes and his paint and, of course, his turpentine. But the church was larger than he thought, and he didn't think he would have enough paint, so he mixed even more thinner into it. He painted and painted, and he was up on the ladder to finish the steeple when suddenly clouds rolled in and rain poured down.

All of the thinned-out paint washed off the walls, and a clap of thunder knocked him off the ladder down into the puddles.

The painter realized this was a warning from God, so he cried out, "Forgive me, please, Lord! What should I do?"

A voice boomed out from the clouds.

"Repaint! Repaint, and thin no more!"

My friend asked me if I could dance.
I told her,
;D "I sure can-can!"
...I'm not funny. X]

That's actually a pretty good one. XD

You're traveling at the speed of light in a twin-propeller jet. Suddenly, one of the wings falls off of your canoe. How many pancakes does it take to shingle the roof of a doghouse?

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.

As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. 'Just Released - New LP -Wasps of Europe & the sounds that they make - available now!'

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

'I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window.'

'Certainly, Sir,' says the young man behind the counter. 'If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you.'

The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, 'I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those.'

'I'm sorry Sir', says the young assistant. 'If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes.'

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. 'I don't understand it', he says, 'I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!'

'I'm terribly sorry, Sir' says the young man, 'perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes.'

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

'I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP.'

'I really am terribly sorry', says the young assistant,

'I've just realised I was playing you the bee side.'

<x'} oh...hahaha! Wowwww! That was good.

So Julius Caesar is walking along with his Senators in tow.
They are on their way to look at the various fountains and statues and temples,
with Julius deciding that things around the empire could look better than they were.

Six days later...

Three senators came to him with their masters of construction and design.
The first presented an master architect with a brand new innovative design for a fountain that uses wine instead of water.
"Does this please you Caesar?" the senator asked.
Julius Caesar just squinted at the design and shook his head. "No."
The second senator with a well respected ship captain was called in next.
He had suggested a larger and grander marina with a pier to fill up the coast full of naval military vessels.
"Does this please you Caesar?"
Again, Julius just sighed and crossed his arms. "No, no."
The third senator called in, presented his master sculptor to carve and put together an enormous bridge depicting the famous battles of the past on it's massive sides for all to see.
"Does this please you Caesar?"
Julius Caesar just stood up and waved his arms displeased.
"No no no. I'm not looking to start such enormous outlandish projects! I'm just needing a little Rome improvement."

(I'm sorry. X'D)