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the proper word for throwing someone out of a window is defenestration. and i think that's a FUCKING EXCELLENT idea!

cow worms

Ugh... Not only did I bruise the sides of my hands, but I also seem to have given myself laryngitis from all of that... *sigh*

I always knew it was a trigger. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I'm just glad that the circumstances required to snowball to that level are fairly specific. It's rare that I'm truly helpless; I'm inventive enough that I can usually figure something out and flexible enough that for the things I can't fix I can safely just give up on. It requires being simultaneously too important to give up on, being something that I feel like I'm able to do something about, and being repeatedly denied when I try.

And even then, it doesn't escalate into a panic attack if my background stress levels are under control. I have to have already been running on empty in order to not have the spoons necessary to keep myself calm.

I'm in a downswing. I recognize I'm in that state, but I still feel like I can't do shit about it. I wanted to go to an event up in Omaha today, but then managed to convince myself not to go. I want to have a weekend where I can just enjoy my weekend and not have to take care of mom's dog, or do any chores.

I would like to sign the petition to throw mean people out of a window!!!

No petition required, just an adequately sized window.

having undiagnosed mental illness is like: gets nervous around friends, wonders if friends actually like you, wonders if friends actually like you, wonders if friends actually like you, procrastinates, burns out on just about everything you like, wonders if friends actually like you, has an existential crisis, forgets what you wanted to say

BONUS: being painfully and physically aware that you're frustrating to work with / deal with.

Honestly....
It's like that with diagnosed mental illness too ;-;

at least there'd be a reason for it. like, the most i can tell is it might be heavy anxiety around being abandoned or rejection sensitivity triggering itself because it's a fucking dick (RSD is part of ADHD and potentially part of autism, and it's apparently a trauma response??).

daily awful: mild pain in one of my ribs. ugh, probably it just doing weird shit.

Welp. That’s that, then, I guess. I’m so tired.

i'm going feral and i'm very very tired of huge parts of my identity being something to mock by others because it's trendy.

:'} Havin' a bit of a internal crisis.
I wanna change majors, but I don't know what to...English or Other Language or Film or...something??? I just wanna also study abroad someplace. ;_; I have holds on my account preventing me from registering for anything or I guess doing anything. <:'{
I'll have so much to fill out and attend and submit and go through just to do what I want to do in an attempt to explore and broaden my world view and learn more and do more, and I have no money because I have no job because I don't feel like I'm qualified at ALL and so I can't earn anything and have to write to get grants and earn scholarships for money and...it's so depressingly aggravating! >X'{
I don't know what I want anymore.. ;_; So I'll try doing everything I have even a remote interest in, until I fall in love with something again. Because theatre is starting to feel really stressful and empty.

You're not alone. :) This is an incredibly common experience among college students, and it's widely held that most students are going to reconsider their major at some point. (People like me are in the minority -- I knew exactly what I was going to study from the time I was in fifth grade and it never wavered.) People like to say that college is the time when you're trying to decide what it is you want to do.

Talk to your advisor. The best advice at this point is to fill your schedule with gen-ed classes that will most likely apply to any major you're likely to settle on.

English is reasonably safe. It doesn't immediately aim you for a specific job like some majors do, but a LOT of fields will consider a BA in English to be a plus because it means you can write well and probably communicate well.

i can't say anything since i've never been to college or university, so any advice that i do try to give will probably have to be taken with a grain of salt, in that case. sorry, skelly!

I hate that this year, we didn't really get a proper "fall".

;-; My advisor is busy this week, and I'm going to need to plan a year in advance if I wanna study abroad. >n>; Wish I could just make up my mind, and also walk into the damn office doors without feeling like a lost toddler..
<x{ I just wanna find a place to like living and building my skills and career in!
;_; Feel like I'm running out of time, even tho I know I've got time and I'm only 25..but the pressure is so heavy for me to get a job and license I don't want, just to be like everybody else, and to, y'know, gain some financial independence. But I can barely manage to take care of myself and have the self discipline to get things done.