Log In

Mom and I were talking earlier, about how Dad was insistent that I wait until tomorrow to go get his deathsticks... but here's the thing. If I had gone this morning, like I'd wanted? I wouldn't have snow or ice to contend with.
The roads would've been clear, and I would've gotten back before the storm hit.

But now? Dad can get his own damned deathsticks.

It's not like I don't know how to drive in snow, or in icy conditions. I'm just peeved that he'd rather I drive in that bullshit than when the roads were clear, so he can just go get his own shit.

100 pages. yaaaaaaay.

i haven't had my period yet and am just sitting here.

also, mood, den. fuckin hate having to grab the deathsticks from the shop because mum's too lazy to go out and get them and doesn't think secondhand smoke exists. like, she does know that the reason why i've been coughing is because of her shitty little cigarette smoke, right?

Ehhhhh....debating if I should call tonight for my schedule or just walk over and get it tomorrow. Because I pretty much always have sunday off...
XP

Ugh. May be dealing with an angry parent in a couple hours... xP

Honestly probably just the PMS, but feeling really alone and helpless about my future in finding a job, getting my school to f*cking care about my financial aid situation, and avoiding school because I have absolutely no more drive left in me to learn anything anymore...also scared that when things start to look up and get better, I might feel VERY disappointed in myself suddenly and start to harm myself again. <:/ *shrug* but eh..weird day. Feel like I accomplished a lot, but I'm the only one who knows it and acknowledges it. <n<; Yet I am still unsure of myself if I really accomplished anything at all...

I hate calling people on the phone so much... ;_; </3 No one should be made to do such a horrible thing...

I long for sunshine. This winter has gone on too long already...

IT TOOK ME TOO LONG TO GET WHAT DEATHSTICKS ARE D:

Anyway, story time!

So at my work, I am in food manufacturing. So I was doing the bread (putting it on the line for it to go down for people to put meat eggs and cheese on), but I was going slow bc one meat person (two on the line usually) was getting a stand so the job would be a bit easier....and the other meat person can't always get his half done with them both there (he's trying)...so our line lead, instead of talking to me, was speaking loudly for like half the biscuit room to hear about how I was going to slow.

I traded places with meat and walked into the table the other bread person just has to have IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FRICKING SPACE BETWEEN THE LINES and I still have a horrible bruise a week later.

Her talking about how I was slow like that...well, when I started there, I was slow, like I was sure they would fire me bc of that, so every day for WEEKS I was puking before work. It got to where I wasn't eating at home or work....I realized it was anxiety later, that came back bc of her, just nauseous instead of actually puking.

Yeet her out the nearest door. Discreetly.

Discryeetly?

@ dad get rid of the fucking pineapple we have literally rotting in the back i beg you for the love of god

all your work in getting the fruitflies outside isn't going to work until you get rid of the literal rotting pineapple.

the council would definitely shit themselves if they saw this, you know.

can't get into the fucking food business if you have literal fruit flies.

;u; Guys. I think I might be depressed...*flops onto couch hopelessly*

It's hard to type with a wrist brace...

It's also hard to type when your top keys misbeHAVE! *eyes keyboard sharply* >B{
Keep. Functioning. Please! Don't make me attach a USB keyboard! /8{

Oh geez, yes. I have a MacBook. I know EXACTLY what you mean. My shift key is too hard to press, and a bunch of other keys double-trigger a lot.

What happened to your wrist, Coda? :(

Today's awful;
I went to a meeting with a commercial agent today...
The actual agent wasn't there, so her assistant saw me instead.

To make a long story short, I told her that I am from Minnesota and she basically proceeded to talk to me as if I were just some ignorant farm girl hick who didn't know how the business goes in Los Angeles...

She didn't ask me how long I've been here (two years in March) and she didn't ask me if I had experience here in Los Angeles, which I have, as I've been frequently flying back and forth from my home town to LA at least 2-3x a year since I was 14... so for over ten years before I moved here.

She basically said, "Well, it's a competitive business... Sometimes you get less than 24 hours notice. I need someone who's schedule is open." I don't have a "normal" job and I expressed to her that I am able to make any audition. I've even been featured in three commercials before, I *have* experience in what she was asking. I'm not stupid. And my parents and I always had this agreement that when we moved here to LA, they would always take me to auditions so I would never have to find a ride or anything... and since I'm not in school and don't have that "normal" job, I can make any audition... even if I only have 12 hours notice.

She said I had a great look, that I had a lot of confidence which is "good", but she still thought I didn't know anything about commercial business? I'd been taking classes nearly constantly since I've moved here, I'm not at all fresh off the boat. It seemed as though she basically made up her mind about me before I even got the chance to prove my skill and knowledge... As soon as she heard "Minnesota", it seemed like she immediately thought, "Yeah. She's just an ignorant farm girl. She doesn't know how the hustle is here in Los Angeles."

I've seen at least 4 other agents, all who've said I was great, but they already had other clients who had my look, or were in my age range and "type".
Also, I have had auditions nearly daily lately and every, single, last audition I've gone on, I've been called back to. The person who recommended I see this agent said that I was definitely really talented and ready to be picked up. He says I'm one of the top actors in his class, that when I do the exercises that I am extremely talented and creative. Very rarely does he need to correct me in anything...

I dunno. I just hate it when people assume things about me based on things like my skin color, my accent, where I'm from, where I live, etc...

I just wish she would have, at least, read my resume and given me an actual chance to show my talent and skills, instead of just assuming I don't know anything because I'm from Minnesota.

what did you do this time

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK