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Forgot that I needed to still work for 5 hours at the museum today and slept in later than I planned so I'll be there scrubbing baseboards with a toothbrush until almost 6pm

Just use this:

Currently being reminded that my country expects me to provide proof of citizenship and having no income because I am unemployed, just to get me to shop for a medical plan which I'll be stuck paying once I am employed (just like my student loans), so I don't have to pay out of pocket if I happen to get very sick, develop any health complications or am mortally wounded. :]

Not living in this place seems to sound more and more appealing, when dying an agonizing death is less expensive than breathing. xD But I'll pay anyway because I'll have to. *shrug* <:} Oh, f*ckin' well. Maybe I'll consider becoming a citizen elsewhere like my cousin. :/ That is, once everyone can travel again... =~=; ugh...I'm stuck here aren't I?

Getting those lovely "I could drop dead and no one would give a shit" feelings again.
XP
Yay.

;u; is it the same feeling as "wanting to give up entirely because f*ck it, apparently no one cares"?
Because if so,
hnng. TTWTT
*sends virtual sympathies in the form of the least colorful confetti ever*

Definitely a similar feeling but with potentially more suicidal implications and thoughts.

;u; Not having any friends or confidants that will listen or comfort you will do that to ya, yea...*nod nod*
;-; *face plop onto couch* ;U; I have the depression. Do u have the depression?

I don't have an official diagnosis for what I have as I was raised with an aversion to doctors, especially in regards to mental health as my parents always scoffed at the depression and other medication commercials on tv and always commented on how "it's all made up for attention and to get drugs" and also because they sent me to therapy for a stupid reason (my sister had been caught shoplifting and discovered to also be having sex and smoking pot that spring/early summer so because she had issues and fell into the wrong crowd, they assumed I would do the same thing and sent me to therapy too) the summer before my freshman year of high school.

But there's a strong chance I have the depression.

Youuu might have the depression. 8T

:/ I don't blame ya, if that's how you were raised, can't help that. Although partly true, the commercials for depression medications on TV are technically a ploy by marketing drug companies, B/ I don't entirely trust them either. I was first sent to therapy for a dumb but routine reason, because my parents were getting divorced and of course their concern was "How horribly the children must be dealing with this!" but in reality, <B/ I knew divorce was inevitable and that both parties would be better off in the long run, and never blamed it on myself or my brother as being the reason why. It's just how my parents were; incompatible. So it didn't do anything for me then.
Now however, going to therapy for MYSELF, is helping more. <:/ At least I have someone to talk to and listens and we work through sh*t together. Still haven't cried or broke down yet, :[ and I'm not being made to take meds so, that's good.
But though my doc, er, therapist, didn't officially diagnose me, when I described it all, he pretty much said, "ya, that sounds like depression." <x}

;u; I don't think we need an official diagnosis. The suicidal thoughts after such minor inconveniences and misfortune speak for themselves, especially if they inhibit your everyday life. ;.; I empathize Kaderin..

Time to go home and force hugs on my kitties and Derpy.
XD

Time to watch the Twilight Zone by myself, ;U; because no one else wanna watch it with me..again...because I watch it way too much. <x}

I would totally watch it with you!
Kinda regretting deleting netflix from my phone because it limits what i can watch quite a bit...

Not that I endorse self-diagnosing, I think with depression it's pretty easy to tell when one has clinical depression. It's very common, I think more common than most people realize. :(

I also really, really haaaate those ads for medication.
A person (who is not a doctor or any kind of professional) should NOT be able to walk into a doctor's office and tell *the doctor* that they want to be put on (insert med) without any research or any thing to go off of other than some 30 second ad that says "this will cure your bipolar/depression!"

I hate that medications like that are even advertised in daytime TV...

The wrong medication can really severely mess a person up, not just with side effects, but other things as well.

I just think it's not a good thing for people to basically "shop" for medications like that. Medication isn't something that should be lightly considered or be "shopped" like a new purse or a bike .

I've been on a couple of meds since 2016, when I first got an official diagnosis. The current combo of meds I'm on now works for me, but not alone. I also go to therapy, and check in with my provider regularly.

It's been a while since I've seen my therapist...
I've been too afraid to with all of the craziness going on with the virus.

I guess that's my daily awful;
I've been avoiding therapy because of everything going on.
I'm also a bit peeved because my medication compromises my immune system, making me as vulnerable as a child or the elderly.

I've been sat in my room all week until today where I was able to go to the park,
I had to wear a mask though.

I've been feeling really bad about this whole situation.
I know this is not the time to isolate from friends (online because lol I have no friends IRL)

I dunno... I am all about that anti-social life... But I need to get outside and smell actual air sometimes.

Ava, see if you can do therapy over the phone or a video call. My provider is doing that now.