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It feels like I am screaming inside...
It feels like literally my soul is screaming into a void...

I don't want to get into details here in this thread... or any thread, really...

I've been in so much pain for three days now...



edit;
So I will probably not be able to post as much as I'd like to...
Not because I can't, just because I really don't feel like being a bother

i have mass amounts of boredom.

feel free to yell, ava. i don't think any of us have much to do.

Honestly felt such depression a couple days ago, or a week ago,...last month maybe. I have no more concept of time anymore. ;u;
You're not alone Ava! ;.; I don't feel like being a bother either.

Currently sorting out my emotional swings with some heavy metal:

Metal is great for that! I've got a playlist labeled "Intensity" that I used to use when I just needed to drown everything out with loud powerful music.

I have 2 metal playlists,
<x} One for Metal Mondays
and Two for Organized Artists. :] which I usually listen to for hard housework/chores. x3

Have never wanted to punch a cashier more than this idiot kid I dealt with today (and as a former grocery cashier, and current general retail cashier, I have a fuckton of patience with people in customer service).

So first off, I'm approaching the checkout lane. He's just finished the last customer. He immediately grabs his phone, holds it up above the counter and proceeds scrolling and/or typing, looks up, sees me, looks back at his phone, finishes whatever he's doing, then gets to scanning my stuff. He doesn't say a word. No "hello". No "find everything okay". Nothing. A friend of his walks in. He is immediately "oh, I have to tell you something, call me later, I'm off at x". Then back to silence. A woman walks by. He compliments her tattoo. Silence again. He goes to put my milk in a bag. I clearly and at a volume loud enough to be heard say "I don't need my milk in a bag." He pauses looks at me and proceeds to put my milk in the bag. I pay, grab my groceries, take my milk out of the bag (it's got a handle already for fuck's sake), and leave.

Talk about a rude cashier. Is he Squidward 2.0? :|

*hears a newborn baby crying in a commercial on TV* "That is the sound of love.~"
Me to my mom: That is the terror-stricken cry of someone who never asked to be here. x'D
My mom:

my mom is gossiping about my aunts while the door to my grandparents' room is open and they, the aunts' parents, can hear everything and. when i told my mom they can hear everything. she said she didn't care

Currently working on a Joseph Joestar chibi paperchild while listening to some sick Eurobeat. >x3

Frustrated at how my one friend doesn't listen. And in this instance also read. But also mildly amused and it's not a big deal this time, so no worries.

Basically, friend works at the library, which is closed, but staff can still check out books for friends and family. So I asked them to grab me a chainmaille instruction book. I said I'd send them the book title and author name. Sent a pic of the book I wanted since the book I have (the second book of the "series") had a pic of it in the back cover.
They brought me the book I already own. XD
It's fine. They'll bring the right one tomorrow.

everything i have to do during this lockdown is on the computer and as a result my eyes hurt. and my wrists/elbows too, from all the typing. TT

;u; I'm very quickly getting tired of school, and I wanna stop but I know my mom is gonna hate the fact that I want to drop out...I, on the other hand, really love the fact that I want to drop out. <xD

my brother actually swept and mopped today and i was very determinedly trying not to find it cute. i refuse to think he's cute for doing the bare minimum. nope. not cute at all >,>

It's christmas-time now I decided. -U-
Merry crissmiss!
Merry crisis!
<x} <3 This is my way of coping in a frustrating and scary time, by turning to the things that make me fuzzy, happy and safe, ergo, the christmases of my childhood!

'merry crisis' shouldn't have made me laugh as much as it did

i cope by diving deep into escapist fiction and fandom stuff. o.o