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I have the power to fly, but only in my dreams

I have a perfect pitch but only when nothing can hear me

I can read minds, but only to the brain-dead.
[that would suck, itd be like hearing the buzz of a tv]

I can glow... but only in black light

I can be invisible, but only in the dark u.u

i can breathe underwater but only when i am completly dry

I can see in the dark, but only when there's a lamp on

i know all there is to know in the world, but to share the information would cause me to lose it

I can fly, but only down

My "sonic shout" only shatters air. At least I think it does. ^^|

I can cause time to go backwards...have you ever seen what happens when an egg goes up? neither have I, my power only works on television.

i have the power to make anyone turn emo >>

^ sadly, that's a pretty useful skill, for a supervillian!
I can talk you down, but I cannot give you directions off a step ladder.

i know how to use any and all tools known to man, i am also a paraplegic

I can elongate...any hair on my body, but just one at a time.