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Default #34401
Shouldn't the next part really just be, "...and so the story begins" or something and lead into the rp?
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Default #34402
I guess, but I have to make it more poetic than that. XD Maybe something like...

Thus beings our story of the Chaos Knights.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Default #34403
Hmmm I like it, the wording is a little awkward though, at least when I read it. Spoken it sounds okay
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Default #34404
It's probably because I used proper grammar and everything. It really bothers me when poetic stuff doesn't use proper grammar.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Default #34405
I like it and give you the thumbs up of love and approval.
Galla@All: DEAD WE'RE DEAD O GOD
Galla@All: WE'RE DEAD AND STUCK ON A VAGINA FLOWER

POG LINKS:

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Default #34406
It wasn't the grammar, cause it is technically correct, it was the use of our I think. But I dun know who is actually telling the into, so I dun know if it is supposed to be from a knights pov
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Default #34407
I dunno. It just seemed like how it should be done to me, like how some people begin reading like, "Our story begins in a far off land many, many years ago" and all that jazz.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Default #34408
Well I honestly didn't read the first part, I think I missed it somewhere. So if it starts out in a knights pov, then it's okie dokie, if not then I think it should be "the story," but that's just a personal preference.
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Default #34409
The POV is kind of ambiguous, I think. It could by from a Knight's POV, but then again it could be from someone else's POV just as easily.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Default #34410
Well the ambiguity ends once "our" is used XD, but if that's what you were going for *thumbs up*
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Default #34411
XD it can be from squiggles pov the official bard rubber duck of the knights.
Galla@All: DEAD WE'RE DEAD O GOD
Galla@All: WE'RE DEAD AND STUCK ON A VAGINA FLOWER

POG LINKS:

|BLOG|TUMBLR|DEVIANTART|
Default #34412
I changed it so that it's ambiguous the whole way through. I like the flow better.

XD Dear sweet Anka, he's going to love that title.


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Default #34413
There's a rubber duck?
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Default #34414
Yup, he's Kami's mortal enemy. I think he's in the bath right now. You wanna meet him?


Emperor of Japan*Anonymous Fiend
Nikko, Kaguya, and Toki are my siblings


Reyo has an art thread!
Click the adorable tentacle creature!
Default #34415
I think I do...Do I?
I am the Goddess of Volcanoes...I Bleed Lava :3
Default #34416


Hmm, I need to chat more again.
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chaotic, explosion!, guild, knights, sanctum for evilness


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